Change4a2

  May 29th 2007: I'm writing this with one hand, because that's all that I have. I'm sitting in a wheelchair trying to pass the time until my therapist comes to take me into the shower.

Everyday a nurse comes into my room and changes the date on the board. Each day I think about how I could be waking up in Zack's bed or waiting for him to come home from work. Maybe I'd be hanging out with Lyra or visiting my aunt at her new house. Or perhaps I could be walking through Providence Place. Either way, I shouldn't be here.

For five months I planned this trip. I got a second job and worked every single day to earn the money to make this work. Zack got a job and every day we talked to each other for five straight months, encouraging one another to keep pressing forward. On bad days, I cried, but our goal never changed.

I remember how long the days seemed. It was a dream to know that the day had finally arrived. I was ecstatic to pick Zack up from the airport. I warned him that we would be hot in my car and that no one in Arizona knew how to drive. It's funny how I was able to prove it.

If I had never suggested that we stop for lunch, none of this would've happened. I actually wasn't even that hungry, but I wanted to admire Zack and talk to him. I wanted to make reality sink in, and I couldn't do that with him in the passenger seat.

I don't remember ever paying. I remember we took turns using the bathroom, but I don't remember leaving. I remember one thing: a large white truck coming straight for us.

It seems like a dream trying to recall the accident. I can remember the front of the truck and I remember one quick image of Zack moaning as he held his stomach. Everything else I only know from what I was told. They said I was found in the backseat of my car. My eclipse was so crushed, that they had to cut us out before they air-lifted us to the trauma center. Zack remembers hearing me moan, but he knew I wasn't awake. They cut off our clothes, too.

I was immediately brought into surgery. I was covered in blood. Both legs were ripped open because of open fractures. My left femur had shattered and my right tibia/fibia had broken, losing a piece of my bone in the accident. I had collapsed both of my lungs, leaving me unable to breathe on my own for four days. Five of my ribs had been broken, along with my right wrist. I had glass and blood all in my hair. My lip had split down through my chin and my left foot was cut all over. Zack had woken up long before I ever did and immediately he asked if I was okay. For awhile, nurses and doctors told him they didn't know. No one knew if I was going to make it.

Here I am now. With broken ribs, a broken wrist, and two broken legs, I'm walking. I'm dressing myself and I refuse to stay crippled. I truly appreciate everything I had and I can't wait for the day I can do my hair and make-up and walk over to Zack (without using a special walker) and give him a big hug without feeling my ribs crack. I can't wait to hold him without feeling pain, or to be able to kiss him without having the bottom left side of my lips paralyzed. I miss a normal life, but everyday I'm getting closer.

You honestly don't realize what you have until it's suddenly taken from you, so please cherish everything. Everytime you run, smile. Not everyone is as lucky.