Created By
Rate this Story
Embed
|
+
9
|
Wrong Internet Love Pt. 2 &1 |
|
+
12
|
One Big Flaw |
|
+
12
|
Wrong Internet Love |
|
+
8
|
Youth |
|
+
7
|
random love |
|
+
8
|
One More Goodbye |
|
+
7
|
Time is Up |
|
+
15
|
A Dad at 15 |
|
+
8
|
Is it Love? |
|
+
8
|
In a Second |
|
+
14
|
More than Friends |
|
+
11
|
Heart Throb |
|
Is it Love?
Creative
 Created on 4-17-07
 Views(110)
 Story Rating G
|
I'm average. No one even knew I existed. I had friends, Im not sure if they felt the same way back, but I considered them friends. I am really quiet, my parents say I'm socially inept or something like that. I disagree, I'm perfectly able to strike a conversation with someone but I choose not too. I'm really secretive no one can understand me like she does. She makes me crazy. Head over heels crazy. Theresa williams. She takes my breath away like no one ever has. I think its love but i'm not sure. Do I really love this girl of whom I've never even spoken too? It sure makes me wonder.
It was 3:30 school had just ended and I was on my way down to the bus stop. I was so angry because I had just learned that the people i had thought were my friends, talk trash about me saying I'm a loser and they feel sorry for me because i have no one to hang with. I don't care though, let them think what they want I don't care I know I'm better then them. I only need one person. Then again do I need her? Is it possible love can make me more depressed then I already am. I didn't need her anyways I wanted her. I was about to enter my bus when I spotted her. The wind blowing her hair, and it looked like the sun was only shining on her. She saw me staring. Oh my god thoughts just started pouring into my mind, was my hair hair ok?, Did I have a zit?, was anything in my teeth?
She smiled at me. wow was that at me or someone else? No it was at me. was it real or pity or did her friend make some wise crack? It was real I was sure of it. I was in love and it was the best feeling ever.
Comments
Please Login to post comments| On November 24th 2007 surewynot Said : | |
|
i would take the 'i had friends but im not sure if they considered me their friend' sentence out because it doesn't tie in witht the rest of the paragraph. it starts out telling the reader that no one knew he existed, but then it goes and tells them that he had friends which doesn't work. You might want to change the sentence "I'm perfectly able to strike a conversation with someone but I coose not to" to "I'm perfectly able to strike up a conversation; I just choose not to." if you use the word 'someone' it sounds like you're able to strike up a conversation with only a certian person. Take out "I'm really secretive" b/c it doesn't flow, it makes your story seem broken up. Don't worry about what that part says because you've already stated that the person is quiet, so the reader can pick up that people probably don't know alot about him. some word problems: "Do I love this girl to whom I've never even spoken?" is better than "Do I love this girl of whom I've never even spoken to?" Take out 'It sure makes me wonder' because asking a question is already showing him wondering. 'Saying that I'm a loser" otherwise they're saying "I'm a loser!" and referring to themselves. Take out "Is it possible love can make me more depressed than I already am? I didn't need her anyways" the question is another one of those that doesn't flow with the rest of the paragraph, and 'I didn't need her anyways' you don't need because just putting "I wanted her" is really the main answer to the question the character just asked himself. 'The wind was blowing in her hair' makes more sense than "the wind blowing her hair". you can't start a sentence like that becuse its not a full sentence; it's a partial sentence but not the part of the sentence you need to make it a complex. take out wow; he's nervous and probably just thinking about if she was actually smiling /at him/. 'no it was at me' needs to be changed depending on what you want your character to be feeling. if he's been in love with this girl for however long, he's probably going to be excited that she's smiling at him, so then you would put an ! but if you want him to still be unsure and nervous combine it with the next sentence to say 'No, it was at me, but....' aw sweet story. |
| On May 23rd 2007 XamyXemo Said : | |
|
idk |
| On April 19th 2007 HotK Said : | |
|
sweet but maybe to sweet |
