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In a Second
Drama
 Created on 4-17-07
 Views(115)
 Story Rating G
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Isn't it astonishing how in just one second your life can just go to ruin. In a second you can be at the top of your game then to fall as low as to where you don't even know what to do. In a second, how could just one second, such little time have such a big impact. In just one second your life can be changed forever.
We were driving down I 32 heading to town to go grab a bite to eat. We were celebrating my daughter Alli's birthday she had just turned 13. It was me, my wife Lori, Alli, and my 8 year old son Tommy.
It was around 4:30 in the afternoon and we were going to go to the beach but it started to rain and we decided not to go, and went to town. We were about 10 miles outside of town when Tommy started to get anxious,
"Daddy, when are we going to get there?"
"In a second" I answered
Little did I know that in one second we weren't going to be at the restaurant but in a complete opposite place.
Just as I had answered Tommy I had saw something straight ahead. Alli saw it too.
"Daddy look out!' she screamed
I now had a full visual of it. A large red truck was in the wrong lane barreling straight for us. I tried to dodge it but I was to late. The truck had hit us dead on causing our smaller car to roll 4 times. I had blacked out.
I awoke 3 weeks later to find myself in a room alone. Laying on a bed. I was worried. Shortly after I awoke, the doctor walked in.
"Your awake, how are you feeling?"
I had no time for questions.
"Where's my family?" I yelled as I started to get up.
The doctor forced me back on the bed. Then he gave me the news.
"Mr. Black you were in a car crash you were in a coma but your family was pronounced dead at the scene."
The words hit me like a slap in the face. They were gone, I was all alone. The man who did this, I wanted to kill him. He too I learned had been killed in the crash he was a drunk driver. It wasn't enough I wanted to be the one to kill him but he was already dead.
In one second it felt like days. In one second my family was gone. I felt like I had no purpose. I wanted them with me so bad. I have never cried as much as I had in one second than in my whole life. They were gone and there was nothing I could do.
I died that same night in the hospital of heartbreak.
Comments
Please Login to post comments| On December 12th 2007 LifeOnceLivedx Said : | |
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tht.. wow tht made me cry..
tht was the best story i read in a long time.. |
| On November 23rd 2007 surewynot Said : | |
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hmm.... just some technical stuff i have to comment on: 'completely different' is probably better for describing a place, because i don't think that most people would associate a hospital as being the "opposite" of a diner. most people's cars are smaller than a truck, so it sounds repetetive to say so. you also should keep everything in the same tense without using had/have/has so just take had out of "I had blacked out." the sentence will still make sense don't worry. semicolon after awake. the doctor has on really run on sentence. period after crash, comma after coma. you might want to say 'you went into a coma' instead of 'you were in a coma' because its what happened at the scene. semicolon after gone. it seems like a jump in topic to start with 'he too' right in the middle of describing someone's feelings, so you might want to switch it to "later i learned that he too died in the car crash." The fact that he was drunk isn't really relevant in that paragraph. The sentence "It wasn't enough I wanted to be the one to kill him but he was already dead" doesn't make sense. "I wanted to kill him, but he was already dead" makes more sense and small repetitions make an impression to make it a more powerful moment in your writing. "In one second it felt like days." i don't know if you had a reason for wording it that way, but you should change it because even though he just woke up, it HAS been days. twenty one of them. "I have never cried as much as I had in one second than in my whole life" is another one of those sentences in which the wording is a little awkward. you could try switching it to "I cried more over that one second than i have over anything in my whole life". |
