beginning of a book, my book

Those of you who know me, know that I can be a sincerely charming fellow. That I take pride in my ability to cheer girls up when they’re sad or depressed. I also try and prove to girls that not all guys are dickheads. That there are a select few of us who were raised properly by there mothers and were taught how to treat woman with respect. Thanks mom! Now this book probably wont be like many others out there. Only because I have decided to write my book solely on my personal opinions. Opinions pertaining to a range of subjects that I , at this time, have no idea what they all are, but we’ll make it up as we go.

First of all, I think we should learn a bit about my back ground. My name is Casey Scott Brigham, and I am NOT a girl. I was born in Fayetteville, North Carolina, on some army base that the name I have forgotten. My date of birth is 5-5-88, which makes me 18. I no longer go to school, because I have earned my G.E.D. Apparently I was on honor role all the way through elementary school, but as soon as I hit middle school it all went down hill. I failed seventh grade the first time I went through it, and barely passed it the second time. After that I really became a bad egg. I started skipping school, smoking pot, getting in fights, anything a troublesome child can do, I did. High school was really bad. I went to military school, and ran away from it. I tried home school, but didn’t do my school work. I got sent back to the same military school, only this time I was kicked out because of bad behavior. Hard to believe huh? I have been sent to North star psychiatric center, only to be shipped off to a residential treatment center in Palmer, Alaska. My mom gave in and pulled me out. Then I went back to North star and this time I was sent to Yellowstone boys and girls ranch in Montana. I spent eight months of my life there. Now I’m home, I’m doing well and all is good, well for the most part anyways. Now for the main attraction! The reason so many of you purchased my book. My wonderful opinions on certain subjects, YIPEE!!!

First we’ll talk about beliefs. God, fate, karma, all of it. Well maybe all of it. I personally do NOT believe in God. Why? Because if he is so mighty and powerful why hasn’t anyone seen him in so long? Why does he let bad people do bad things to good people? He could stop it right? Why doesn’t he? I know A LOT of people who pray on a regular basis and have NEVER had a single prayer answered. My opinion on God is uneducated, I know. There’s probably a lot of holy people who would argue against everything I just said and that’s fine. These are just my opinions. You can think what you want. I don’t have much to say about fate and karma, other then I don’t believe in either. I do believe there is a greater power, but I believe its love. I believe love makes all the wonderful things in life happen, and the horrid things that seem to happen more often is done by those who cant find love. Some spend their entire lives searching for that ultimate happiness, the, for lack of a better word, true love. I think that there is only one other someone for everyone on this earth, one person were supposed to be with. Dating, bad relationships, getting divorced. All of it is just miniscule parts in the quest for happiness. If one actually finds their “true love” they should hold on to it and never let it go. I use the term “true love “ so loosely because to me the ultimate feeling of happiness and affection wouldn’t have a term to go by. It’s a feeling so powerful that it’s unnamable and indescribable. Yet the closest human kind has gotten to labeling it is “true love.” There’s an opposite to “true love,” a feeling of such negativity, and we know it only as hatred or evil. It’s funny how often “true love” and hatred coincide. The trials I spoke of before, that are between you and your specific someone commonly result in a broken heart. In which case one starts to think that there is no one out there for them. They get withdrawn, and have a tendency to be extremely reluctant to get close to anyone, ever. Which is a shame, because most of those who get like this are the ones who have more of a chance to find their someone. Only because the more you date, the closer you come to finding them.

Then there are those who’s only purpose is to help others. Like me for example. I have had many failed attempts at love, and finding someone to love. At first one might believe that I am one of the people I earlier referred to, but unfortunately I am not. I am on the other hand a great help to those I care about. My friends in particular. I sacrifice what I need, and what I want, to ensure those I care about don’t wind up with a broken heart. But more often then not a broken heart is unavoidable, but I am there when it does happen, and I am usually the one who knows what to say, and when to say it. The people I so unwillingly dedicate my life to have commonly referred to me as the “nicest guy ever”, and “ a sweetheart”. but I believe its only because I do so much for them. Most of them don’t realize I do things, or say things on purpose that in the long run end up helping on purpose, but I do. Some of my male friends believe I am “retarded” while majority of my female friends disagree. I , like so many other guys out there, have more female friends then guy ones. Only because they are easier to talk to, even for me. They listen and don’t think your “gay” when you say something like “wow, that’s a beautiful sunset” or things of that nature.

Next I will describe the ideal boyfriend and girlfriend, from both points of view. The ideal girlfriend, in my opinion, doesn’t necessarily have to be what society considers beautiful. I’d prefer they had a personality. I will now attempt to describe the traits of MY ideal girlfriend. I want a girl I could grow old with, a girl I can lay down with and only be like 10 inches apart from one another and just be able to gaze into her gorgeous eyes without her asking why I’m with her. She should know why, I’d tell her everyday, because I love her. I want a girl I can hold when I’m sad, and hug and kiss, and one that’s not ashamed of me in any way , who lets me do all three in public, even if someone sees it. A girl that’s able to duplicate if not exceed the amount of love and passion I have for her. Now I’ll attempt to describe the ideal boyfriend. Ladies let me know if I’m wrong. Ladies need a guy who will basically fulfills everything I stated above and then some. A guy that’s somewhat spontaneous. That occasionally makes breakfast in bed for them. That helps out with things around the house. That DOES NOT CHEAT. A guy that isn’t afraid to share how he feels, and is honest and forthcoming. A guy who’s dependable, respectful, and courteous. Who can say he loves you and doesn’t care if someone is there that will later make fun of him for it. Who will stick up for you no matter what the odds may be. Who will love you for you, and not try to change you. Who introduces you as his girlfriend or love of his life and then says your name. well those are my opinions on the ideal boyfriend and girlfriend. How did I do?

Recently there was an incident in my life where for a split second I felt as if the world would end. It didn’t of course, but I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I ignored those of my loved ones. My best friend Tom was also involved in this tragedy and I apologize for anything I’ve said or done to wrong you. It basically came down to me being jealous. I was enraged and wrote a blog on myspace that told readers what went on. It was written from my own perspective and was entirely wrong. What I’ve written in this paragraph may to some seem to portray me as a hypocrite, but I assure you I am not. Things have been straightened out and everything is back to normal again. Hopefully for good this time.

A dear friend of mine Chris and I have been reminiscing about a time in our past we both miss. We met at YBGR which is also the setting of these memories we miss so much. Though its been over a year since either of us were there, we think about it often. Chris like me is also a “good guy” and is one of the few here to help others. He too has had failed attempts at love, but considers them learning experiences. I bring up these two good friends of mine in this book of opinions only because these two have played a major in my life and have influenced many of my beliefs and opinions. They will play much larger roles as we progress further into this book.

Next I’d like to talk about woman. How they effect us as males, and why I think they do this. As I said before, everyone has their own ideas of what their ideal boyfriend or girlfriend would be like, but because this is a world where dreams come second only to reality we have to settle for the beauty we find around us. It seems that every girls knows just how to make you fall in love, and just what to say or do that can put this unbearable pressure on your heart. Also it seems that some, not all, but some do this on a regular basis to multiple men. Men have similar effects on women and some men also break women’s hearts for sport. They have the power to drive us insane and do things we normally wouldn’t even consider. Why? I honestly couldn’t tell you. Maybe it’s to get attention. Maybe they’re insecure. No one knows for certain, but what is, is that it happens everyday and wont ever stop.

I believe that there is many different types of love. Ranging from love of animals or inanimate objects to family and friends. I wish to speak about none of these. For a special person, of which everyone has but one, we harbor a potential feeling that if given the chance and right person could develop into a feeling of such profound love that one might refer to it as “true love.” Sometimes we think we’ve found it but in all actuality we haven’t. In which case its still love, but not nearly as profound as the former. I guess a simple way to put it is you love them but your not in love with them. That sounds horrible, but if you think about it and can truly see it from my perspective then you’ll actually understand what I mean. Love along with woman is something mysterious. Something human kind can never hope to fully grasp or fully understand. Its complicated and simple at the same time. Hard yet easy to do. A risk in which nearly everyone alive takes at least once in their lives. If love was meant to be as easy as most would like it to be it wouldn’t be such a powerful emotion. Love was never meant to be easy. I believe it was meant to keep us asking questions, trying to learn more about it, to bask in it more. Its one of the most complicated questions I’ve been asked or that anybody can be asked. What is “ true love?” I have yet to find an answer that I actually feel even begins to describe it. Thus its unnamable and indescribable.

Though I have come to realize that I am one of the few that are here for the sole purpose of helping others, I am far from understanding it. I still wonder why I was chosen for such a difficult task. Why would I, someone who has had so many failed attempts at love and the pursuit of happiness be granted a gift to advise those who are in similar situations? Because I am yet to understand why I still search for someone to be with. To love and make happy. Sometimes when you find that person and are willing to commit your life to them something happens. For example they have shards from their broken heart covering their eyes preventing them to allow anyone in. I seem to find this to be what’s going on more often then not. it’s a shame I know, but I cant force anyone into something they themselves aren’t ready for.

I’m curious as to how a male can wear a certain color such as pink or purple and be called gay. I myself wear both colors and am not gay. A love for flowers and all things beautiful are hardly grounds to call one gay. I seem to have a lot of feminine like hobbies, ranging from shopping and shoes, to poetry and art. Yet I am called gay for it, why? Anyone who is ignorant enough to make such a statement should have something to back it up. Which I have come to learn is never the case. I guess it all boils down to discrimination. Discrimination against ones beliefs, religion, sexual preferences, and hobbies. It seems to be everywhere now a days, and I don’t understand why. There seems to be a lot of things I don’t fully understand or know, but some things will be forever set in stone.