more than just lust 21 *part 1*

Lexi walked up and down the shore of the beach. She cried softly, hoping no one would hear. But then, at the same time, she wanted someone to hear. So she could share her miserable life, and might find something out on Josh. Were the hell was he? And why did he leave Lexi all alone with her helpless mother.

She cried more silent tears by the second. The beach always helped her think, but it didn’t help at all at this moment. Right now, she wanted to die. Because everything was so wrong. Because the man she loved, left her. Because she had no one to comfort her. Because her life was completely useless and not worth living!

Then a idea came into her head.

It wasn’t a good idea. Not at all. But there was nothing that was good enough in this world to stop Lexi from what she was about to do.

She took a deep breath and removed her shoes. And walked slowly towards the shore. The cold water brushed against her feet and sent shivers all through her body. But she shook off the feeling and walked deeper into the lake.

Before she knew it, she was deep into the water. Only her head stuck out from it. She shivered as it brushed against her skin. Tears started to form within her but before they could escape her eyes, she dove her head into the water.

Not even daring to come up for air. She released her fist, and let her hands and body relax. Although she was under water, she could still feel the tears on her cheeks.

Suddenly, everything went black.

“LEXI!!!!!!” A faint voice echoed through her head. “LEX!!!”

She couched a little. But the cough soon erupted into a choke. She tried opening her eyes but she was too weak. Her body was soon surrounded by warmth.

“I- I’m s-sorry!” she tried to speak. But she was so cold and thought she was seriously going to die.

“Shhh!” The voice said. “Don’t worry, everything is going to be ok.”

Lexi smiled a small smile. It felt good to know that someone cared about her. And quickly, she fell asleep in the arms of a hero.

Lexi woke up alone in her room wrapped tightly in a wool blanket. She blinked a couple of times as she tried to steady her vision. She shivered and looked down finding herself to be soaking wet.

Suddenly the phone rang. It startled Lexi and made her jump but she quickly calmed herself down and answered the phone that sat at her desk, besides her bed.

“Hello?” she answered.

“Lex, is that you?”

She quickly recognized the voice of her best friend, Anna. “Yea, it me Anna. What’s up?”

“I could ask you the same thing. Your mom called an hour ago asking for you. She said that you went for a walk and never returned. She was panicking like crazy and is out looking for you right now.”

“Oh, well I’m here now. At my house. Honestly, I don’t know how I got here.”

“What do you mean?” asked Anna. “Where were you by the way?”

Lexi didn’t want to tell Anna about the decision she had made at the beach because she knew that she would freak and tell her mom. So she did the only thing she could do. She lied. “I was at the far end of the shore at the beach. I knew that no one would go there so I went. To be alone and think.”

“Oh, well what’s wrong? You haven’t seemed like yourself these past few days.”

Lexi took a deep breath and decided to come clean. “Anna, do you know were Josh is?”

There was a long pause at the other end of the line.

“Anna?” Lexi repeated.

“Lex, I know where he is but I promised him I wouldn’t tell you! And you know that I cant break a promise!”

Lexi’s eyes got huge. “Anna! You have to tell me! You have no idea what I’m going through! Cause all he did was call, tell me that his dad committed suicide and hung up! I haven’t seen or talked to him in two whole weeks!! Please tell me!!”

Anna could tell that Lexi was already crying by the tone of her voice so she decided to tell her best friend the truth. “Ok Lexi, I’ll tell you just don’t cry, please. And don’t tell him anything!”

Lexi nodded. “I swear.”

Anna took a deep breath. “Ok, well after the whole thing that has happened with his father, he felt embarrassed and kind of mad…”

“Oh God he hates me doesn’t he?!?” Lexi interrupted.

“No, he’s just going through a rough time.”

“Then were is he? Why wont he show up?!”

“Lex, he just needs to reassure himself. He said that he would spend some time at the beach to think. I’m surprised you didn’t see him there today.”

That’s when it hit her. Josh was the one that saved Lexi at the beach. He was there! He was watching her and saved her after he saw her get in the water.

She was quiet for a long time, telling herself that she was the stupidest person on Earth.

“Lex, what are you thinking?” Anna asked concerned for her friend.

“I would go back to the beach,” Lexi told her. “But that’s probably what he expects me to do. He wont be there.”

Anna felt bad. For everything that has been happening. “Lexi, just don’t take things out of proportion.”

Lexi nodded although her friend couldn’t see it. “I think I’m gunna get some rest… And take a shower.”

Anna was confused at the last part but decided to let it go. “Well, if you ever wanna talk, you know my number.”

“Kay, thanks.” And she hung up. She looked out her window to the beach. It was completely deserted. No sign of Josh.

The next day, after school Lexi walked home alone. The sun was shining and people around her were laughing and enjoying their day but not Lexi. She wouldn’t be smiling a real smile for a long time. It would all just be fake. Or an act.

She walked down a peaceful neighborhood that was plastered with trees. The wind would blow against her hair and dry her tears away. She wore Bermuda Shorts with a green striped tank top. Her straight hair waving around, freely.

She soon came to a bridge that came above a small river. She stopped at the middle of the bridge and took a look around. Everyone was throwing pennies and quarters into the river along with their wishes. Lexi cried silently. Wishing in her head that Josh would return any second. But the more she waited, the more hopeless she seemed. She stayed, standing on the bridge for two whole hours. Waiting.

It was finally 5:30 when her cell phone rang. She looked at the caller ID and saw that it was her mom and picked up. After reassuring her mom that she was ok and that she would be home in ten minutes, she hung up. Her mom became a little more over protective after the death of Ben.

Lexi decided to throw something in the river. Maybe a penny or something but she had no loose change in her pocket, only a small piece of paper. She pulled out a small note from her pocket. She read what the fading print said.

She was given this note from him when they first met. She has kept it ever since. Never wanting to forget that moment. But there was no use holding onto it anymore.

“More than just lust?” she asked herself. “I don’t know.” She threw the note into the river. Along with not one single wish. Just lost hope.

“It’s not just lust,” she heard someone from behind her say. “It’s love.”

Lexi turned around with wide eyes. Josh.