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I loved her, more than anything in this world, unfortunately she knew just a little to much about me. Therefore I had to kill her, I tried to make it as humane as possible, but she struggled, just like most people would I guess. That thirty minutes of pain and heartbreak has haunted me every day since. Now I lay here on my death bed, with hundreds of secrets that I have been unable to release until now, in this journal my son gave me about ten years ago. I felt no reason to have one before, even when he handed it to me, but while lying here and thinking about my life it feels like fate to have this blank book in front of me. With this pen in my right hand I will now write down my stories for all to see, friends, family, everyone. Most of them will hate me, some will understand, but even less will feel a connection with me, as if they knew all along. These are my stories.

- June 14th, 1982 - My first mistake, my first love. -

It was an outstandingly hot day, around 98 degrees I would say. I had made myself very comfortable on a bench outside of the local deli, it had an overhang and that made it quite nice. I felt kind of sorry for the folks that had to walk around under the sun that day, but I always was a greedy person and while I may have felt sorry for them, hell if I was going to move over and give them part of my bench. I was eighteen and very high on life, I constantly felt like I was the king of everyone and therefore deserved to be treated to better things then them.
Anyway, onto more important things. My comfort soon came to an end as this hot little piece of tail came out of the deli and tapped me on the shoulder. She had a gentle smile on her face, and from the second I looked into her eyes I knew what she wanted.

"Can you please scoot over so I may sit?" she said.

"Why sure, what kind of gentlemen would I be if I didn't." I replied.

Of course Im a guy and I may have felt like I was on top of the world but I still fall to the need of women in the hopes it will get me into their bed.

She sat next to me as I moved over and began to unwrap her sandwich. I couldn't help but stare at her, the makeup she wore didn't seem to run in the extreme heat that surely would make her sweat. Everything stayed put, like I well trained dog. We chatted for about an hour, I made sure to watch my words and bite my tongue where need be. The last thing I wanted to do was mess up with this beautiful woman, who had for some reason chosen to ask to sit next to me. I learned many things about her, including her hobbies and habits. She worked for the local newspaper, was twenty years old, and her name was Brittany. She was a clean freak and a very nosey person, needing to know everything about everyone. I am a very close to the chest type person, although I felt I would have no problems telling her whatever she wanted to know if she asked. At the end of our hour of conversation I was able to convince Brittany to let me take her to the movies the next night.

As she walked away she turned her head back to me and gave one last gentle smile and a wave, I would always remember that smile, I couldn't get rid of it if I tried. Shortly after I went home and went to sleep early in the hopes of sleeping straight through to my date tomorrow night, or at least put a good twelve hours out of the picture. I decided I couldn't sleep after two hours of rolling over and over in my bed. So I decided to go for a walk, this was my first mistake, although it brought to me the greatest rush of my life.