Catch Me When I Fall [Chpt 5]

CHAPTER FIVE: I DON’T LOVE YOU

I was still be seated on Jason’s laps, feeling the pains deep inside me. My thoughts kept chatting inside my head continually, "Just kiss him, just kiss him." My desire was kissing his soft, thick lips, but I couldn’t let myself happen to do that. I preferred to go slow down our friendship or… our future relationship with him, maybe? I wasn’t sure at all, as I was still sitting on him, I shuttered nervously, "Do-do you lo-love me?" As I strengthened my shaky legs to stand up, and I rubbed my sweaty palms against each other. He suddenly grasped my calf, and whispered, "Wait!"

I brought to an end to move at all, and flatted out refusing to turn around to face Jason. Setting my wounded tears free from my pure hazel eyes, I waited for his respond from my question. He wrapped his arms around my waist behind my back, making me panicky more than ever. Was it time to ask that stupid question? My mind yelled at myself deep inside my head, feeling stupid. Was it? I spun to face Jason, and pushed gently his arms away from my waist, and asked same question once again, "Do you, Jason?"

He looked at the dark blue carpet with a heartrending, blue eyes, and then he finally looked into my eyes, saying, "Well, I love you since you make me fall in love with you, but I am not sure about you. Do you love me, Gabriela?" I stood there right in front of Jason’s look with my straight, emotionless expression. I loved him, did I? otherwise, I probably thought I loved him, or did I? My heart was still there to cry another river, and it wanted his heart to connect a broken heart of mine. I finally replied back, "The simple answer is that I…" As I looked at my black nails on my toes, continuing to say while I was shuttering, "I don’t love you anymore. Yes, I-I used to, but I do-don’t." It was such a fool lie that my false tongue spoke out of my mind. What happened to my heart? It used to be open-minded speaking the truth but I guess I wasn’t ready at all to say the honest. The pain of the nightmare endured to grow over my body from my sweet, broken heart.

I began to run out of the house in the rain, leaving Jason alone in a living room. I started to let my tears to weep into a flood in the rain, they were invisible for Jason to see. I sobbed in silence. I screamed without a sound inside me, rising my arms up in the driving rain. Spinning myself around the circle in a front yard, I suddenly collapsed my powerless knees on the green grasses.

All of a sudden, I heard many rapid footsteps toward me, and I cared less. I just sat on the wet, green grasses, letting myself cry more than ever. Hurting my broken soul, I finally blacked out. I couldn’t feel my pain, see my world, and it was nothing else in a black world. Just blank.