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-Chapter Two-

My alarm buzzed obnoxiously the next morning and I dreaded the thought of going to school. I wanted to break the annoying object, throw it against the wall or something of the violent nature, but I didn’t. Instead I clicked the button and walked slowly into my bathroom. Darcy had been correct; I certainly did look like hell.

Dark messy ringlets covered my face and shoulders while my puffy eyes had a bruised ring around them that reacted oddly against my olive-toned skin. I sighed and just hopped in the shower. Hopefully my hair will be tame once it dries. I didn’t feel up to putting make up on afterwards, it would probably just make me look much worse.

I pulled on my favorite hoodie and jeans and slowly and grudgingly made my way downstairs. My mom was in the kitchen. She couldn’t cook at all so I just grabbed a granola bar. I still wasn’t hungry but my mom didn’t care she flashed me a disapproving scorn.

“Jessamine…” She warned but I just grabbed my backpack and left. I may get my ear chewed off when I get home afterwards but I still didn’t care if she yelled at me.

My route was the same as any other day until I got to a certain point when I had to stop. The brakes squealed as I stared at the name of the street I was about to go on. It was her street. My fingers shook while they gripped the steering wheel and I quickly turned onto another road so that I wouldn’t burst into tears.

It took me longer today than any other day to get to school. I wasn’t surprised when the first bell rang. Once again I slowly walked into the large building and found my locker. Bystanders did look at me and I knew that they had heard. I bet everyone in the whole town knew by now. One of the people had been Landon and he looked just as bad as I did. I saw him coming over to me and I tried to stuff my face in my locker and look like I was busy. I didn’t want to talk about it.

“Jess…” He started and I immediately felt a tear at the sound of his miserable voice. He hadn’t just loved Blair, he had adored her. I turned around to face him and he embraced me in a hug. I think we both needed it. He pulled away and I dreaded the fact that he was about to open his mouth. “You’ve known her since forever and I just started going out with her a few months ago. You… didn’t know… right?”

I felt almost angry that he was asking me that. I was her best friend but she didn’t talk about anything suicidal to me or anyone because she wasn’t suicidal! Blair was probably the happiest person alive. “No.” I tried my hardest to suppress my angry but it came out cold and curt.

He nodded and walked away. He would probably be the first of hundreds to ask me that question. I scanned the hall with sharp eyes and tried to make myself seem unapproachable. I wasn’t sure if they got the hint but the second bell rang and I didn’t have enough time to find out.

I used to run to the classroom every time I was late but this time I took my time to get to study hall. The teacher eyed me with obvious irritation and marked something down on the attendance sheet as I entered the room. She hadn’t been the only one watching me. The whole class was and I could see that the emotion was pity. I don’t need their fucking pity.

As I took my seat I felt a piece of paper hit my back. I groaned and flipped it open.

Jess, you okay?

-Gem

I turned around and looked at another one of my friends Gemma. Her forehead was creased and her dark eyes were puffy as well. I always thought of her as an exotic Jamaican princess. She had long feathery black hair and smooth mocha skin. She had just moved here a few years ago from Jamaica and we instantly became friends.

I shook my head miserably and the teacher grunted. She had obviously seen our interaction. I faced forward again and stared blankly at the chalkboard. The lights were so bright and I terribly wished I was back at home under my covers. Why couldn’t my mom just let me stay home?

The halls felt like endless pits with souls that stared at you and I was their favorite specimen. Darcy was waiting at my locker before lunch and I slow down my pace. People just seemed that they couldn’t leave me alone today. Strangers bothered me more than my friends did.

We didn’t say anything as we walked into the cafeteria. Once again people were watching me. I wanted to shout at them but I bit my tongue and sat down at my usual table. There was Landon and his two friends Erik and Zeke and then there were the friends that I had met over the years. Bailey, Gemma, Lori, and then Darcy but there was a missing spot in between the two groups. Blair. I casually sat opposite of Landon as I usually do but today the table was so quiet it was ominous.

No one knew what to say and if they did they kept it inside. Everyone was devastated, or at least I was. Lori was the first to talk and when she did she was surprisingly angry.

“What is wrong with all of you?” She demanded her copper eyes blazed metallic. “You know she would’ve wanted us to be happy.”

“How in the world can we be happy?” Landon asked quietly his voice quavered a bit and I thought he was about to cry. He didn’t and instead picked at his food. I probably would’ve done the same but my tray was empty. I hadn’t gone up to the lunch line and I was waiting for a worried comment. No one mentioned it at all and it was only then that I noticed hardly anyone was eating.

Bailey looked over at her brother Landon and smiled sadly at him. They were fraternal twins but I would’ve never guessed until I saw their eyes. They were the same sapphire shade of blue. Blair was the one who noticed it first and it made me tremble to remember that.

Blair was an observer. I was a person that pranced into a room with little care, but she was the kind that looked around coolly before entering. Like a cat, Gemma had stated and she had added a little purr with that. At that we all had laughed but that seemed like an eternity ago. I won’t be surprised if I find out that I can laugh no more.

“I can tolerate this silence no longer!” Lori fumed as she stormed away from the table and disappeared behind one of the doors. I slightly glanced over at Erik who watched her leave with longing. I wanted to roll my eyes; he has had a crush on her since forever. I counted to seven before he actually ran after her. Zeke snickered and so did everyone else at the table. I was the only one who did not.

“Did you get the assignment done for Ms. Geiger?” Darcy asked Gemma and she nodded and pulled out a slip of paper. And like that it was back to our usual chatter. Even Landon was talking. I wanted to scream. Blair just… died and they are acting as if it never happened!

“How can you all just sit here and pretend it never happened?” I asked quietly and suddenly all eyes were on me.

“You of all people should know it hurts even more to think about her.” Bailey responded and my attention flickered over to her. She rarely ever talked as quiet as she was. I took a deep breath and said nothing more. Bailey had been right it does hurt me to think about it, but I don’t think I could ever forget it.

It was burning a permanent hole in my brain.