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twilight8218

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-Chapter One-

I didn’t know what to do, what to think. She was always there for me and now that she was gone I…

Blair was gone.

The idea didn’t click. How could she be gone? That bubbly warmhearted girl couldn’t be gone. My denial was the only thing that kept me hanging on; if it weren’t for that I’d be lost right now. I have been trapped in my room for what seemed like years but I knew it had only been a few hours. My head was shoved under my mounds of plump pillows and soft blankets and I blocked out my mother’s shouts.

“Jessamine!” her last shout broke through my barrier as she ripped the covers and pillows off of me. I groaned but kept my eyes tightly shut. They were already sore from all of the tears I had shed. “You should really come down and eat something.” Her tone was worried, maternal as usual.

“I am not hungry.” I grunted out and quickly pulled a blanket over my face.

“Babe, I know it’s hard but I really think you should—”

“I already told you I wasn’t hungry.” My voice turned sharp and I should’ve regretted my snap but at the moment I didn’t care. I felt her weight lift off my bed but the door didn’t close. Her footsteps returned and I heard the sound of plastic being set on hardwood. I peeked through a crack and saw a plate of food on the floor by my bed.

“Eat.” She ordered and this time the door creaked shut.

I let my hand fall back and the blanket once again covered me completely. My pulse felt slow but my breaths were coming out short and jagged. My whole body crumpled into a ball and I closed my eyes to relieve their pain.

My whole world felt over. Blair had been there for me since the sixth grade when some bitchy girl was teasing me for my height. Even now I was still small and when anyone ever made a crack about it Blair quickly came to my defense. She was the best friend I only dreamed I could have.

I wanted to be Blair. I didn’t exactly copy her but I did idolize her. She was beautiful, smart, and athletic. I was only one of the three. She was great at solving problems and was a true mediator when it came to the little quarrels that happened in our group of friends. Blair had a nice boyfriend and she was able to keep a balance between him and our friendship.

I loved Blair. Everyone did.

Her being murdered would have made sense; she had many envious souls after her. But her committing suicide was so wrong it had to be impossible. It was impossible. Blair could not and did not commit suicide; she would’ve told me if she was even a bit sad, she was so open. I couldn’t picture her cold when she was so warm.

The chair tipped aside and her feet dangled there, lifeless. 

I desperately shoved the image out of my mind and I squeezed my eyes tighter. A phone call woke me up out of my black haze and I craned my arm over my bedside table and brought it to the side of my face.

“Hello?” My voice was a helpless moan.

“Jess?” it was Darcy, one of my closer friends. “How are you holding up?”

“I don’t know.” I really didn’t. Nothing seemed to make sense in this dreaded place called reality. Or maybe this wasn’t reality; maybe this was some sick dream I was having. I pinched myself and yelped at the sharp pain. Nope I was awake.

“I won’t lie, I miss her too but I do not understand how it must be affecting you. I mean you two were one of the closest people I have met. Even better than sisters because they fight.”

I didn’t know how to respond. I was afraid even the slightest thing would send me sobbing. Instead I just “mmhmmed” her and she began her usual chatter only this time I think it was just to lighten me up. Of course, it didn’t.

“My older brother got these tickets for some band I can’t even pronounce and I was wondering if you’d like to go? Don’t worry it won’t be for a while but…” That was all I heard before my mind wandered elsewhere.

“Jess?” Her voice made my mind reconnect with my body. “Are you even listening to me?”

“No.” I didn’t bother to be polite and lie, she’d prefer the truth anyway and knowing Darcy she wouldn’t really mind, especially not in this situation.

 “Well I think I should go—”

“No.” I interrupted her but instead of making it sound stern and strong it sounded weak and small. “Could you come over, please?” I didn’t want to sit this one out alone I needed somebody with me.

“Alright babycakes I’ll be right over.” I heard her end die and I clicked mine shut.

I didn’t know how long it had been before my bedroom door opened and someone jumped onto my bed, making me bounce up and down with it. I wanted to smile at the sight of Darcy, I really did, but it was like I was no longer in control of my body.

Her white hair was spiked out to the extreme this rather dark day and her turquoise eyes were accented with a heavy coat of neon green liner. Darcy truly was an eccentric and it wasn’t just judging by her attire but her personality really was whacked out.

“Are you going to eat that?” I was surprised she was talking about my food since there were a few meat objects on it and she was a vegetarian.

“No.”

“So you’re just going to let it sit there and go to waste because I am not eating that either.” She picked her long sharp nails threw her hair and I wondered if it hurt when she did that. One of her strange quirks was that she filed her nails to a certain point so that they looked like claws. I remembered pinching myself earlier and shivered at the thought of having her nails and doing that.

“I guess.”

“It seems that I am not doing a very good job of cheering you up, am I?” Darcy said threw a sigh and I shrugged. I hadn’t really invited her here to cheer me up; all I wanted was some pleasant company. “Sweetheart you are totally downing my vibe. Loosen up a little bit get some sun… or actually rain since it is really gloomy out there… and in here for that matter. Ever heard of a light?”

She pranced over to a switch and the light flickered on. I groaned and shoved my face into a plushy pillow. Darcy chuckled and pried it out of my hands.

“Maybe I should give it back.” She scorned with her eyes fixing on my face. “You look like hell, Jess.”

“I feel like hell.”

“It’s going to be okay, we’re getting through this.”

“I don’t think I can ever get through this.”

“Oh yes you will.” She warned with such authority that it made me wince. Darcy took note of that and put her hands on each of my shoulders. “I don’t want you leaving me too.”

“Blair never left us.” I growled through my dry lips. Her forehead creased and her full lips puckered into a pout.

“Jess, she’s…” She didn’t need to finish and I didn’t want her to. I shook her off of me and stared at the wall.

“Are you sure you want me here?”

“I need you here.” I corrected quietly and I felt her arm wrap around my shoulders.

“Alright then but I have to suggest for you to get some food. I don’t want you to get too skinny.”