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“Alright. I knew there was something Ollie. But next time you’ll wait for me, or have nothing at all. Your not to go wandering, the bathroom and your room, that’s all you should go. And I don’t want to see otherwise. Ok?”
“Yes father.” I said, hoping he’d leave the room and forget about it. I couldn’t promise anything.

“Doctor Kennedy will be in later to see you. I’ll take you to the room.” My heart sank.

“And you’d best be on your best behaviour. I don’t want a repeat of the other week. I hate doing that to you Ollie, but you know I had no choice don’t you? You were out of control.” I didn’t know anything. I was still angry about that. Angry that he’d did that to me. That he listened to the doctor.

“Do I have to?” I asked, although I already knew the answer to that already. Of coarse I had to. I just wished that one day he’d tell me I didn’t.

“Now Ollie. You know that answer. Its routine. Just like any other week. Just a check-up. Your birthday wont be much different to usual.”
“Will it hurt?” I asked, I remembered it hurt last year. I didn’t want to go through all that again.

“No. he’ll just ask some questions. Maybe give you a little shock at the slightest, like every other year. You’ll be asleep then though. You wont feel a thing. Promise. “But he seemed uneasy even saying it. What about when I woke up? Being put to sleep was bad, but waking up again? I couldn’t even remember who I was last year, only that I felt so weak. I didn’t want that feeling again. But I knew the doctor, knew what he was like. He was able to control my father, just as my father was able to control me.

“I don’t want to. Can’t it just not be my birthday? Just any other day? I’ll do the check-up thing, anything else except that. Can’t we just forget about it this year? Please father?” I asked, hoping that he’d let me off. But he never did. He always listened to whatever the doctor thought was best, would never stand up to him. The doctor’s word was law. And I didn’t want to struggle this year, it only left me feeling more weak.

“You have to, whether you want to or not. You have no choice. Everyone else has to Ollie. Your no different. Your not the only one.” I wanted to believe him, I honestly did. And, maybe a few years ago I would have. I’d have believed every word that came out of his mouth. But now I was getting older I wasn’t so sure of that anymore. No matter how much I wanted to believe him, a part of me said he was lying. That this wasn’t true. That I was the only one; no matter how much I wanted not to be.

“But…..”

“Enough! You’ll do as your damn well told. Do you hear me? Or do you want a repeat of the other week? I’m fairly sure that the doctor wont disagree with me. Do you want that Ollie?” I stood back, stunned. His words scared me. He loved me; he wouldn’t do that to me again, would he?
“No, I’m sorry father” I whispered, shocked into silence.

“Good boy.” He said “Oh, and one more thing.”
“Yes father?” I asked, hoping to please him, make him happy. I’d do anything for that.

“Apologize to the doctor. Last week want like you at all Ollie. I’m disappointed in you Ollie. I don’t want to see that happen again.”

“Yes father” I said again, feeling like a dog with its tail between its legs. Apologizing to the doctor. Now that would be a hard task.

“Good.” He said, turning towards the door. Leaving me alone once again. I hated that. Being alone. The doctor and my father were the only company I ever had. He shut the door behind him, and I heard it click from the outside as if being locked. I turned toward the door, not the least bit surprised if he had locked it. I checked it, yes, it was locked. He’d been doing that a lot lately as well; locking me away in this room, as if being locked up in this place wasn’t enough for me. He never used to lock it. He’d always let me wander around when I was young. But now that wasn’t possible anymore. Now that the doctor had come. Now that he was here, my father had changed. He was more protective of me then he’d be usually, and I didn’t know why that was. He always did what the doctor had said he needed to do. He’d always listen to whatever the doctor said. Even if that meant hurting me. The doctor would have told him to lock me in; he knew that I’d try to wander. He knew that I would hide somewhere. The place was so big that even I had not discovered all the hiding places yet. I could hide anywhere and he’d not find me for hours. I knew that today I wouldn’t be able to slip away for even a few hours; I’d be watched like a hawk.

I sat on my bed, hearing the footsteps of my father going down the stairs until they got quieter. I waited until I couldn’t hear anything at all, until the only thing I could hear was the rhythm of my own heart beating. I made sure that I was alone before I moved my hand to my forehead. Wiping away the kiss that had been planted.

Now, I know that sounds a bit stupid. Wiping away a kiss. It was something a child would do, maybe after embarrassment. But I wasn’t a child, I was sixteen. It didn’t seem right, even to me. It didn’t mean anything. This just wasn’t him, not the man I knew. The man I knew was angry, he’d always been angry. But now his mood changed constantly, I didn’t know who he was anymore. But all fathers were like that weren’t they? I didn’t know any different. And he wasn’t that bad, not really. Not as bad as you think, as I’ve made him out to be. He didn’t beat me, didn’t starve me and didn’t lock me in any cellars. Well, forget that last past. But he was still my father. Yes, he was possessive and controlling and he’d lock me up in my room most of the time. But that was just him. He didn’t mean to hurt me. He just wanted to keep me safe. One thing I did know though, one thing that I was certain about was that something wasn’t right.

I lay down, pulling the blankets over my head, blocking out all light from the room, wishing for sleep. I tried not to think about later, when the doctor would be here. It was too horrid to think about. I shut my eyes tight, trying to block any images from my mind. Imagining I was somewhere else, not here in this shacked up room. Imagining that I wasn’t real, that I didn’t exist. But when I opened my eyes, I was as real as ever. Nothing I could do could block out the images I had in my mind, the images of what the doctor could do to me. A white dazzling light suddenly flashed though my mind. A small bright room. The lights were bright, dazing my eyes, making them sting. Instruments of all kinds were scattered across a side table. A big white screen lay in the centre of the room, and in the middle was a table. An operating table. I shuddered, shaking the images out of my mind. Even the thought of the room was bad enough. I shut my eyes tight again, this time wishing that this were a nightmare. That I would wake up any minute, eight years old again with no doctor. Just my father and me. I pinched myself, wishing to wake up, wishing that this wasn’t real. I pulled the sheets of me, about to turn to my music player. Hoping that this would help to block my mind, anything was better than the images I had. Anything to block out my mind. But then I remembered. It wasn’t here. My father had confiscated it last week, after the incident with the doctor. I cursed myself. Why did I have to be so stupid? That was something I’d have to wait for now, when the doctor decided I was good enough to have it. My father had no say in the matter; he did whatever the doctor ordered him to do.

So now, I had no music, just the echoes of my mind which were driving me crazy. I couldn’t stand it; anything had to be better than this. I stepped out of my bed, my legs wobbling as I walked over to the one window in my room. It was barred, boarded up, except for the one tiny hole which I carved through last year. I peeked through it, looking at something blue which I was sure had to be the sky. It was so bright, much brighter then this room. I tried to look further, to see anything if I could do. But the hole was too small, I’d have to start again on that I thought. But not now. Not today when he was here. There had to be some other place, some window that wasn’t boarded up. Somewhere I could see everything. I couldn’t give up on that, I had to keep trying. There had to be another way. I pulled my fingers through the tiny hole, my nails digging hard thorough it. Hoping to make it that little bit bigger. Hoping to at least see something else other than the glorious deep blue sky, with its white fluffy clouds hovering above me. That alone wasn’t enough for me. I stopped. I could hear the sound of scuttling feet outside of my bedroom door. I turned, heading for my bed, my eyes still focused on the door that was opening slowly. As if the person behind wanted to catch me out at something. I already had a good feeling who this was. The door opened widely, and he was there. Standing at the entrance, watching me. The doctor.