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Created By

tarahleigh

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<div style="border:1px #ccc solid; background-image:url('/images/ray.gif'); font-family:arial; width:200px; padding:5px;"><center><div style="font-size:20px;"><a href="/story/tarahleigh/28181">i could of been pt1</a></div><table><tr><td width="50"><div style="color:#2CC362; font-size:15px; padding-top:4px; background-image:url('/images/profratebg.gif'); background-repeat:no-repeat; width:44px; height:26px; text-align:center; font-weight:bold; vertical-align:middle; padding-top:8px; padding-left:1px; " valign="top">3</div></td><td><div style="height:100px;width:100px; padding-top:9px; background-repeat:no-repeat; background-image:url(/images/storyCover.png);"><a href="/story/tarahleigh/28181"><div style="margin-left:9px; __padding:0px; height:90px; width:70px; background-repeat:no-repeat; background-image:url('http://www.testriffic.com/storyfiles/28181.jpg');"></div></a></div></td></tr></table></center></div>

+ 4	Forbidden pt 1
+ 3	i could of been pt1
+ 3	part of this furniture
+ 5	my version

i could of already been almost completely through the journey of motherhood, with my belly aching and my toes swollen.

its scary to think how quick this time went almost nine months has past, and i'm still here, alive and wondering.

Though now i'm constantly wondering, crying over my thoughts,not understanding my acts. i'm constantly wondering, who would they be, what impact would they give to this world? wondered what my child would of looked like, wand if this would of been the first person i could make proud of myself, myself a love sick eighteen year old drop out. unfortunately, we we'ren't ready.

i was excepting of our family to be, i even brought baby bottle that day, unfortunately his decision changed our lives. So Louis Mckinnin Watson left our world. No chance to change a life, no chance to romance a girl, no chance to breathe the fresh air of life.I took that away from him.

Then it happened again, months passed, and we knew and as excited as we we're ready to do right and keep this little one, i took it easy, studied on making a perfect home life, but unfortunately it wasn't meant to be and we miscarried. devasted i hated myself, my second chance and i lost this baby, lost.

Not lost like my keys, or mobile phone, but lost as to never be. Never be a highlight in our dear lives,  in all sadness we're saying bye to Ashely Mai Watson.
I was having a girl.

this yanked my heart, i only ever wondered what it would be like to hold my own child, to be loved, to be fully consumed by my baby girl.

these are two young lives i feel responsible for.
i hate myself.
and i'm spiralling back into depression.

i need the strength to move forward from this, but i so desperately want to be with my babies.

 

 

to be continued..... 

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