Why Does He Love Me And Why Do I Love Him? Chapter 19

He was making this so hard on me. I didn't say anything to him I just laid my head on his lap and cried. I couldn't believe my dad was gone. I guess I fell asleep on his lap because the next thing I knew it was really quite and everyone was asleep and I was still laying on Eddie. I looked around to see if everyoone was okay. Then I got up and walked out of the waiting room. I was walking down the hall I just needed to get some air. But I found myself going towards Rodger's room. His door was open so I stood in the door way and watched him sleep. Or at least he looked like he was sleeping. I walked into his room and stood next to him. I leaned down and gave him a kiss and then sat down in the chair beside his bed.

"I love you so much Buddy. But I can't trust you anymore, I'm sorry but I pick Eddie over you until you can prove to me that I can trust you again. And that is gonna take awhile. But I still love you, I just can't be with you if I can't trust you. I'm so sorry." I sat there and held his hand and rubbed my hand up and down his arm.

"It's okay Katie I understand." He opened his eye's and scared me half to death. "I just really love you Baby and I really want to be with you. I know I fucked up and I am gonna have to gain your trust back but we can still be friends until I gain your trust back. We can can't we?" I gave him one last long kiss.

"Of course we can. Rodger Roy Wilson will you be my guy bff?"

"Hell yes I will." We both started laughing. "Don't you need to get some sleep Katie you look a little upset?"

"I am a little upset I found out a few hours ago that my dad died. But I knew it was gonna happen. He got what he wanted." I started crying. I just couldn't believe my dad was dead. Yeah he might of been a jackass but hell he was my dad. I'm really gonna miss him.

"I'm so sorry come here and lay with me. You need some sleep and so do I. We can finish talking in the morning." I crawled into bed with him and within minutes I was asleep again. I didn't sleep very long I kept dreaming of my daddy. I wanted to see him so bad. I got up from the bed, gave Rodger a kiss on the cheek and then walked out of the room. I walked down the hall to the nurses desk and talked to the nurse sitting there.

"Ma'am do you think it would be possible for me to see my dad. His name is Kevin Caldwell." She looked up at me with sad eyes. "Ma'am I know he's dead you don't have to look at me so sad."

"No it's not that. We looked threw his stuff for any information before you got here. Well we found this in his wallet." She held up a note that said sorry on it. "After the doctor talked to you he said that he commited suicide. And he told us not to give you this until tomorrow. He read it and said that you was really upset about your dad and your friend. He just didn't want to make you worse since you are so young. You souldn't have to deal with this at your age. But I guess since you know about it you can have the note." She handed me the note and also gave me a hug over the desk. "I'm really sorry sweetheart."

"It's okay. I know he is in a better place. Or at least I hope he is." I sat down in the hall and looked at the note.

Why does everyone write me notes. It just makes everything worse.