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sublimebaby694

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<div style="border:1px #ccc solid; background-image:url('/images/ray.gif'); font-family:arial; width:200px; padding:5px;"><center><div style="font-size:20px;"><a href="/story/sublimebaby694/23544">Dying to Live</a></div><table><tr><td width="50"><div style="color:#2CC362; font-size:15px; padding-top:4px; background-image:url('/images/profratebg.gif'); background-repeat:no-repeat; width:44px; height:26px; text-align:center; font-weight:bold; vertical-align:middle; padding-top:8px; padding-left:1px; " valign="top">6</div></td><td><div style="height:100px;width:100px; padding-top:9px; background-repeat:no-repeat; background-image:url(/images/storyCover.png);"><a href="/story/sublimebaby694/23544"><div style="margin-left:9px; __padding:0px; height:90px; width:70px; background-repeat:no-repeat; background-image:url('http://www.testriffic.com/storyfiles/23544.jpg');"></div></a></div></td></tr></table></center></div>

+ 3	Dying to Live Part II
+ 6	Dying to Live

I can remember the events of the night vividly. It was Friday the thirteenth, October 2006. I was wanting to go out for some excitement, and some fun. It had been a long time since I got to feel exciting, dangerous, and wild. Normally I don’t mind sitting around the house and doing nothing, but tonight was my night to shine. I took a long shower, and got all dolled up. Wearing my sexy pair of nice tight fitting jeans, and a lace spaghetti strapped top, that magically made my chest look like Pamela Anderson’s, I was ready to have some fun. It had been forever since I felt this good about myself. A long time friend was supposed to pick me up to take me out of town to go party, just like the old days, and I couldn’t wait. I got the phone call from her, as I was putting on my favorite pair of heels. They weren’t going to get me now. I was totally bummed. I waited to cry.

All dolled up with no place to go, I sat on my bed in the silence of my bedroom. I had been so depressed for so long with no one to talk to. Tonight meant more to me than anyone would ever know. I tried calling another close friend, who I hadn’t seen in awhile, she didn’t answer either. I left a few messages. With my boyfriend and his friends having their own little party in the house, I felt unwanted by everyone. My sadness turned into full blown rage. I was pissed. I tore up things that I normally loved. I threw a few things watching them break in the room. Thinking as if that would make it all better some how.

I wanted to sleep now, it was only seven, I found my prescribed sleeping pills. Right where they belonged beside my birth control pills, and my anti anxiety medication. I needed relief, I always slept life away when I was sad. My favorite time was bed time, and right before I had to wake up. Ricky, my boyfriend, came in to see what I was up to. Mad and crying, I said going to bed. An answer he heard more than once come out of my mouth. He watched me take 3 sleeping pills.

It’s my belief that I was so wound up that I didn’t pass out as fast as I had hoped. I soon found that I took 3 more. Time flew by forever, why the fuck was I still awake?!? There I sat still on the edge of the bed, bottle of pills in hand, asking my self why would anyone want to take ever wake up? I realized I wanted to sleep all week-end screw sleeping for only eight hours. I took a couple more. By this time I had to be delusional. Why, why sleep for a weekend when I could sleep forever? By this time Ricky noticed how many I was taking, used to seeing me take more than prescribed was one thing, this was something new for us both. After the delusion kicked in, my answer became more clear, I don’t want to be here. I popped the lunesta pills as if they were M&M’s. Two here, and two there. About every minute, Ricky started to panic, why was I doing this what is wrong with me. Finally I dumped the rest in my palm, I was going to try and take the rest.

My vision blurred, but I was on a mission. I cried and tried taking them. Lucky Rick never left my side, he sat there waiting for me to black out, or release the fist I had made with my killers waiting inside it. Lucky he had waited long enough. The other pills had already begun pulsing through my bloodstream delusion turned into black out’s. I forgot what I was doing, he stole the pills from me and put them with what was left in the safe. I was in a twisted dream it seemed. Not really conscious, but defiantly not asleep yet either. I floated from room to room. Normally when you over dose on sleeping pills, people think you will pass out, well if you take enough you don’t your kind of awake through it all. As my boyfriend began freaking out, he started worrying how bad it really was.

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