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James and Teacher
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I can’t tell anymore, what to me is real? Perhaps the dreams hadn’t really faded, perhaps I am just living them now. The grown child cast into a lost world where the veil between the worlds is gone. A romantic collection of my wildest nightmares and horrid landscapes that perpetuate a glowing stigmata of the unborn within.
What did I do? When did it all fade away? I was young, a tiny fragment of the nothing I was to become. An innocent child that couldn’t bear the truth of the world. What was that truth? I cast myself into another world, where the dreams were all I knew, to bear not another breath. Mother worried, her tears rolled down her face but I didn’t understand. Though the rooms were white, I only saw brightness when she was around. Father never came, Mother said that he was gone, somewhere beyond our reach, in a place far beyond what we could imagine.
They said I sent him there, that it was my fault, but I didn’t understand. The name echoes in my mind, Teacher, they said that was what I called myself. But my name is James, not Teacher. They said that Teacher was evil, a demon with a boy’s body. I saw it on the news, people asking for everyone to pray for me, but why? I’m not Teacher.
I just want to go home. I’m not allowed to play in the snow here, they say I’m too dangerous to be let outside. Mother said I will be allowed to go home soon, but she’s been saying it for so long, I begin to wonder if I can.
Mother doesn’t come to see me so much anymore, and when she does all she does is cry. I want to be held in her arms like we used to do, but she’s not allowed to touch me anymore. I don’t let her see me cry, I have to be strong for her, but when I am in my room, it’s all I can do. She whispered to me last time she came, said she still loved me, but that was so long ago. I think she only said it so I wouldn’t cry.
Perhaps my dreams never faded, perhaps I am living them now. But why would I dream of this? I just want to go home, go to Mother.


