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One Night that Lasted for Years
NonFiction
 Created on 7-26-07
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Time: approximately 7:00 pm. September 29th 2003 Place: my friend Chris’s house (this is all written from memory and what others that were there said. Also please note that ALL of this is true, even if it seems as though it‘s not, anyone who‘s been on this drug will tell you it is all real. ANd this is not all entirely in the correct order, as I had lost my perception of time, but I put it in the order I remember it being in though.)
Well, we just arrived to Chris’s b-day party (forever after to be known as the infamous Triple C party by all of us that were there and everyone that has heard of it), there are about 13 people here, I know most of them. Jason brought some C’s, though only enough for me him Chris and Mike to have four each, this is the first time with DXM in any form for all of us except Chris and Jason. Because we want to feel more, me and Mike run to Wal-Mart to get more, PERFECT!!! They had just stocked ‘em… so we grab all of them, run to the bathroom and extract the pills from their packaging, Mike is acting funny, I believe this is his first time shop-lifting, afraid we might get caught, I tell him to walk out before I do. He gets out without a hitch, so I go, no problems. We get to his car, I pop 8 more. Half-way back to Chris’s house I pop another 8 cause I want a good trip for my first time, and all the other pills I’ve had before took a good amount to feel anything.
We get back to Chris’s house, not feeling anything yet, it’s now about 8:30 when we pull into his drive-way, we get out of the car and go to the back of the house where everyone is, as soon as we get in view of everyone Mike shouts “Triple C’s come and get ‘em, first come, first serve,” every one swarms us, so we start handing ’em out to everyone, 8 at a time. Chris brings out his PA system and we start listening to Cradle of Filth, we get a good fire going, nice and tall, then Gunner goes home and gets his strobe light. People are starting to feel them, I can tell by how they are acting and talking, but I’m not feeling anything yet.
A couple people try to start a mosh pit right in front of the speakers, I join cause I love moshing, but no one can stay up more than a few seconds cause they are all f**k up, I only have one pack of 8 left, and people keep trying to take it out of my pocket cause they know I have it. So in order to stop them I take ‘em. Chris’s dog walks up to me and tells me that he took 4 C’s, so I tell people that, and they think I’m trippin’ but I don’t feel the C’s at all yet, then Chris tells us that I’m not because the dog does talk to people sometimes (later after talking to my friend Michael I found out that the dog really did take 4 cause he was going to take them, but someone bumped into him and he dropped ‘em and the dog came over and ate them before he could pick them up).
It’s ten now, everyone has to leave except the six of us that his mom let stay, still not feeling anything, but everyone else is pretty gone. I wish I could feel something, Chris’s mom finally found out what we are on, and now we are talking to her telling her about our histories with drugs, and assuring her that we’ll be fine. She seems fine with it much to everyone’s surprise. In fact, she comes outside to the fire with us and we all sit just shootin’ the shit. Fire’s burning down a bit, so me and gunner go to find more wood for it, we make two trips to get wood, on the way back to the fire with the second load, they hit me, suddenly I had no motor control at all. They said it looked like I ran right into a brick wall, walking is so fun but hard now. I make the ten foot walk back to my position at the fire, and sit down, damn this is fun. Talking is weird, it feels as though my tongue is swollen, and I’m having bad tunnel vision, motor skills are completely gone. But I can talk and hear, somewhat.
The time is now lost to me, I have no perception of time, it may be several hours later, or maybe even a couple seconds, but we all move around to sleep, only no one wants to or can sleep. All of a sudden I feel the final 8 hit me, I’m standing up on my sleeping bag, trying to sit down, but I can’t, I forgot how. So I call Gunner over to me (Gunner and Michael are the only two there that didn’t take any) and tell him I need help because I don’t remember how to sit, so he gets Michael to come over and together they hold me up and tell me to just fall down, so now I’m finally sitting, after 15 minutes. I begin feeling very tired so I lay down, then I ask what time it was, “it’s still 11:52” Brad says. I begin to wonder why he said it’s still 11:52, but no matter, I’m in a different place and can’t find my sleeping bag so I ask, “Chris is still laying on it,” Gunner said. Ok, how’d he get it I wonder, but then I notice my mouth feels funny, kinda like a just ate a marshmallow, so I ask if I had just eaten a marshmallow, “for the last time NO!!!” says Brad. Then I wake up, I wonder what time it is, so I start to open my mouth to ask, then I remember something Jason said at some point “GOD DAMNIT WILLIAM IF YOU DON’T SHUT UP I’M GOING TO HIT YOU WITH A STICK!!!” so I lay back down ant try to sleep some more. I found out the next morning I kept passing out and would wake up about thirty seconds later and ask all four questions in that exact same order, I did this for about an hour apparently.
Then I wake up again, this time I’m somewhere else around the fire, and I have my sleeping bag now. Chris is to my left, and there isn’t anyone to my right. I’m just sitting there staring into the fire. Chris looks at me and says “hey, William, how you doing, you haven’t said anything for a while.” I’m still staring into the fire, “Who’s William?” I ask, I really have no clue who William is. “Dude, what the hell,” Brad said. “Will someone shut him the f**k up?” asked Jason. “William, are you sure you’re ok?” asked Gunner, “Who is William?” I asked again, no one will answer, but I noticed that William never answers there questions, and when I hear them, it sounds like I’m hearing it through someone else’s ears, and when I talk, it comes from someone else’s mouth. Still no one has answered my question “Who is William?” I ask again. “You are, now shut the f**k up,” says Chris. I look over at him, and instead of him being there, there is someone I’ve never seen before sitting between us (after I sobered up I realized the person that was in between us looked like I see myself in a mirror, and after telling Chris about it, he says that while I was having the split personality thing he did see someone else there, but it was only for a minute or two, and he thought that it was just smoke in his eye, everyone else said that they saw the same thing).
I just woke up again, and now I have to piss reeeeally bad, so I stand up and look around, “I have to piss, where do I go?” Gunner told me to go over by this one tree, so I go over there, then Jason says it’d be better to go over to a different place because no one driving by can see you over there, so I turn around and start walking that way, “Watch out for that hole in the yard you’re about to step in,” says Gunner. Too late, I walked right into it and fell, “Where is it?” I asked. They all laughed at me. “Why are you laughing, I asked a simple question,” I said. “Dude, you just walked into it and fell, you’re still laying down in it too” Gunner said, laughing his ass off. “Oh,” I said while standing back up. I get about half-way to where Jason told me to go and realized it was too far to walk, so I decided I could hold it ‘til the morning, and went and laid back down.
“William, what did you do to my quadrilateral trapezoid, you know my rhombus flew away last week” said Brad, trying to f**k with my mind. “I know what you ‘re trying to do, you’re trying to f**k with my mind, and it’s working, I mean, not working,” I said. Then they said I started saying a bunch of different algebra equations, and when chris tried to get me to stop I told him I couldn’t because it was the only way I would stay sane. Though of course I knew it wasn’t I was only doing it to piss brad off for trying to mess with my mind.
I tried to go to sleep again, but this time I started seeing my past, everything, memories I’ve not had in forever, but something’s different about all of this. Even the times I remembered as being bad, were now good, even though they were the same, there was something oddly comforting about them. I wish this feeling never ended, for once in my life I had a good, wonderful, childhood. I wish I would never leave this state. Everything is perfect, even my bad memories start to change, they start becoming good, my dad screaming at me, suddenly became me and him sitting on the couch just talking, having a heart-to-heart conversation about the things going on in our lives, finally, I had a supportive father, one that actually cared about me. I don’t want to wake up.
Then all the memories start melting, they are erasing themselves, my perfect childhood is erasing itself right here, right in front of my eyes, I still have not been able to call up any of the memories that erased themselves that night, I wish I could. So I open my eyes to make it stop. That’s when the bad part happened, I noticed that I couldn’t move on my own free will, if I wanted t move, nothing would happen, but at random times my body would move on it’s own. I noticed that when I touched stuff, it was like I wasn’t touching anything tangible, but was touching something. Let’s put it this way, If I touched my cheek, I was like I was touching an idea rather than an actual physical object. I started worrying, so I tried to get someone to help me, to tell me it was all in my head and none of it was real, but every time I called to someone, no one would answer. This caused me to realize that Newton’s Law (I’m not sure but I believe it was the third one) and states that every action has an equal an opposite reaction was wrong, nothing had a reaction, everything was merely coincidence. This in turn caused me to deduce that if this law was wrong, then nothing could exist, we were all just thoughts, a random spasm of energy in an empty universe. It was all in my mind, everything, I was that spasm of energy, and tired of being alone I created everything else. So if I was to die, there would be no repercussions, none at all.
I couldn’t take feeling like this, so my body made one of it’s random involuntary movements, so that I had rolled over on my back, staring into the sky, seeing the stars, somehow I felt this should have calmed me down, but it didn’t all it did was pull me deeper into this fear I had created for myself. Staring into the vast emptiness of space with stars dotting the sky every now and then. I knew that each star were light-years apart. Meaning that the Majority of Space was nothing but emptiness. Suddenly I realized that’s all life was, emptiness, and I had created these fake people to fill it in, but they weren’t real, I looked around everyone was sleeping at this point. “None of you are real,” I thought to myself as I looked around, and they all began disappearing one by one, replaced with nothingness. I felt my body start to shake from fear. I tried to stand up, I couldn’t take it any longer, I was going to go throw myself into the fire and be rid of it all, but my body still wouldn’t listen to my commands. So I laid there, as the entire world disappeared from me, the darkness was increasing and surrounding me, I couldn’t stop it, I had figured out the truth of existence, something everyone strives for, and the truth was, that there is no existence.
I laid there, for what felt like days, staring into this emptiness, wishing it would go away, but it didn’t. I just grew and joined with other emptiness. I closed my eyes to escape it, sleep, I needed sleep, I would never wake up, but it was better than being awake as all of existence disappeared around me, hopefully I wouldn’t be around anymore when it was all gone, but I had the fear in me that I would wake up, that I would wake up to a bleak, dark, emptiness with only me.
I woke up, I tried to remember what had happened the night before but nothing came to mind. I stood up. It was still dark, Michael was walking around, “Hey, you need to come and help me find wood for the fire, it’s dying,” he told me, I started to walk, my legs didn’t want to, but I somehow managed to make it about 200 feet, only thing was I didn’t remember getting that far, last I remembered was standing up. I looked around and couldn’t see anything, but I could “feel” where I was. I called out to Michael and he came to me, “Help me, I can’t walk, I don’t know how I got here,” I told him. “Ok, here, I’ll help you walk back to your sleeping bag,” he held me up as I couldn’t hold my own weight up very easily. We walked back to my sleeping bag and I laid down and fell asleep again.
When I woke up again it was light, and everyone else was awake too, the fire was nothing but embers and it was really cold, I still couldn’t walk, so I crawled over to the bottle of charcoal starter that was sitting on the ground. I grabbed it and crawled back to my sleeping back, pulled my self as close to the fire as I could, I sprayed the liquid on it, it burst into flames, “Aaaaah, warmth,” I said. Chris looked at me, “Thank you,” he said, we just laughed and nodded. The fire died down after about two minutes, so I sprayed it again, Gunner was out getting wood for it. I repeated this process every two minutes or so until the bottle was empty.
“Damn I’m still f**k up,” I said. Everyone laughed, “Me too, said Chris and Jason.” I stood up, damn I had to piss, bad, I remembered last night, oops, I never went last night. So I walked over to the barn and just let it go, five minutes of nothing but relief, now I felt good, I felt nothing bad at all. I walked over to a pile of some wood and picked some up and carried them to the fire, they wouldn’t burn well as they were wet. We all sat there talking, no one talked about what they went through the night before, it was pretty much understood by all, there was no need to say anything. Chris’s mom woke up and came out to check on us. She decided that we needed something to eat, so the seven of us piled into two cars and we went to McDonald’s. Chris, Jason, and I were still f**k up, if Brad was he never said so. We are all supposed to go to Mike’s tonight for his b-day party, but no one wants too. We all go home, still f**k up as hell. I call Mike and tell him that I can’t make it. He complains about how everyone’s been calling him all day telling them they can’t make, he’s obviously disappointed, but says he understands why, “Chris party last night was good enough, I honestly didn’t think after I woke up this morning that anyone would want to come, I didn’t even want to come, and it’s my party.” We laugh and talk a bit more then I have to go, I need more sleep.
Well, we just arrived to Chris’s b-day party (forever after to be known as the infamous Triple C party by all of us that were there and everyone that has heard of it), there are about 13 people here, I know most of them. Jason brought some C’s, though only enough for me him Chris and Mike to have four each, this is the first time with DXM in any form for all of us except Chris and Jason. Because we want to feel more, me and Mike run to Wal-Mart to get more, PERFECT!!! They had just stocked ‘em… so we grab all of them, run to the bathroom and extract the pills from their packaging, Mike is acting funny, I believe this is his first time shop-lifting, afraid we might get caught, I tell him to walk out before I do. He gets out without a hitch, so I go, no problems. We get to his car, I pop 8 more. Half-way back to Chris’s house I pop another 8 cause I want a good trip for my first time, and all the other pills I’ve had before took a good amount to feel anything.
We get back to Chris’s house, not feeling anything yet, it’s now about 8:30 when we pull into his drive-way, we get out of the car and go to the back of the house where everyone is, as soon as we get in view of everyone Mike shouts “Triple C’s come and get ‘em, first come, first serve,” every one swarms us, so we start handing ’em out to everyone, 8 at a time. Chris brings out his PA system and we start listening to Cradle of Filth, we get a good fire going, nice and tall, then Gunner goes home and gets his strobe light. People are starting to feel them, I can tell by how they are acting and talking, but I’m not feeling anything yet.
A couple people try to start a mosh pit right in front of the speakers, I join cause I love moshing, but no one can stay up more than a few seconds cause they are all f**k up, I only have one pack of 8 left, and people keep trying to take it out of my pocket cause they know I have it. So in order to stop them I take ‘em. Chris’s dog walks up to me and tells me that he took 4 C’s, so I tell people that, and they think I’m trippin’ but I don’t feel the C’s at all yet, then Chris tells us that I’m not because the dog does talk to people sometimes (later after talking to my friend Michael I found out that the dog really did take 4 cause he was going to take them, but someone bumped into him and he dropped ‘em and the dog came over and ate them before he could pick them up).
It’s ten now, everyone has to leave except the six of us that his mom let stay, still not feeling anything, but everyone else is pretty gone. I wish I could feel something, Chris’s mom finally found out what we are on, and now we are talking to her telling her about our histories with drugs, and assuring her that we’ll be fine. She seems fine with it much to everyone’s surprise. In fact, she comes outside to the fire with us and we all sit just shootin’ the shit. Fire’s burning down a bit, so me and gunner go to find more wood for it, we make two trips to get wood, on the way back to the fire with the second load, they hit me, suddenly I had no motor control at all. They said it looked like I ran right into a brick wall, walking is so fun but hard now. I make the ten foot walk back to my position at the fire, and sit down, damn this is fun. Talking is weird, it feels as though my tongue is swollen, and I’m having bad tunnel vision, motor skills are completely gone. But I can talk and hear, somewhat.
The time is now lost to me, I have no perception of time, it may be several hours later, or maybe even a couple seconds, but we all move around to sleep, only no one wants to or can sleep. All of a sudden I feel the final 8 hit me, I’m standing up on my sleeping bag, trying to sit down, but I can’t, I forgot how. So I call Gunner over to me (Gunner and Michael are the only two there that didn’t take any) and tell him I need help because I don’t remember how to sit, so he gets Michael to come over and together they hold me up and tell me to just fall down, so now I’m finally sitting, after 15 minutes. I begin feeling very tired so I lay down, then I ask what time it was, “it’s still 11:52” Brad says. I begin to wonder why he said it’s still 11:52, but no matter, I’m in a different place and can’t find my sleeping bag so I ask, “Chris is still laying on it,” Gunner said. Ok, how’d he get it I wonder, but then I notice my mouth feels funny, kinda like a just ate a marshmallow, so I ask if I had just eaten a marshmallow, “for the last time NO!!!” says Brad. Then I wake up, I wonder what time it is, so I start to open my mouth to ask, then I remember something Jason said at some point “GOD DAMNIT WILLIAM IF YOU DON’T SHUT UP I’M GOING TO HIT YOU WITH A STICK!!!” so I lay back down ant try to sleep some more. I found out the next morning I kept passing out and would wake up about thirty seconds later and ask all four questions in that exact same order, I did this for about an hour apparently.
Then I wake up again, this time I’m somewhere else around the fire, and I have my sleeping bag now. Chris is to my left, and there isn’t anyone to my right. I’m just sitting there staring into the fire. Chris looks at me and says “hey, William, how you doing, you haven’t said anything for a while.” I’m still staring into the fire, “Who’s William?” I ask, I really have no clue who William is. “Dude, what the hell,” Brad said. “Will someone shut him the f**k up?” asked Jason. “William, are you sure you’re ok?” asked Gunner, “Who is William?” I asked again, no one will answer, but I noticed that William never answers there questions, and when I hear them, it sounds like I’m hearing it through someone else’s ears, and when I talk, it comes from someone else’s mouth. Still no one has answered my question “Who is William?” I ask again. “You are, now shut the f**k up,” says Chris. I look over at him, and instead of him being there, there is someone I’ve never seen before sitting between us (after I sobered up I realized the person that was in between us looked like I see myself in a mirror, and after telling Chris about it, he says that while I was having the split personality thing he did see someone else there, but it was only for a minute or two, and he thought that it was just smoke in his eye, everyone else said that they saw the same thing).
I just woke up again, and now I have to piss reeeeally bad, so I stand up and look around, “I have to piss, where do I go?” Gunner told me to go over by this one tree, so I go over there, then Jason says it’d be better to go over to a different place because no one driving by can see you over there, so I turn around and start walking that way, “Watch out for that hole in the yard you’re about to step in,” says Gunner. Too late, I walked right into it and fell, “Where is it?” I asked. They all laughed at me. “Why are you laughing, I asked a simple question,” I said. “Dude, you just walked into it and fell, you’re still laying down in it too” Gunner said, laughing his ass off. “Oh,” I said while standing back up. I get about half-way to where Jason told me to go and realized it was too far to walk, so I decided I could hold it ‘til the morning, and went and laid back down.
“William, what did you do to my quadrilateral trapezoid, you know my rhombus flew away last week” said Brad, trying to f**k with my mind. “I know what you ‘re trying to do, you’re trying to f**k with my mind, and it’s working, I mean, not working,” I said. Then they said I started saying a bunch of different algebra equations, and when chris tried to get me to stop I told him I couldn’t because it was the only way I would stay sane. Though of course I knew it wasn’t I was only doing it to piss brad off for trying to mess with my mind.
I tried to go to sleep again, but this time I started seeing my past, everything, memories I’ve not had in forever, but something’s different about all of this. Even the times I remembered as being bad, were now good, even though they were the same, there was something oddly comforting about them. I wish this feeling never ended, for once in my life I had a good, wonderful, childhood. I wish I would never leave this state. Everything is perfect, even my bad memories start to change, they start becoming good, my dad screaming at me, suddenly became me and him sitting on the couch just talking, having a heart-to-heart conversation about the things going on in our lives, finally, I had a supportive father, one that actually cared about me. I don’t want to wake up.
Then all the memories start melting, they are erasing themselves, my perfect childhood is erasing itself right here, right in front of my eyes, I still have not been able to call up any of the memories that erased themselves that night, I wish I could. So I open my eyes to make it stop. That’s when the bad part happened, I noticed that I couldn’t move on my own free will, if I wanted t move, nothing would happen, but at random times my body would move on it’s own. I noticed that when I touched stuff, it was like I wasn’t touching anything tangible, but was touching something. Let’s put it this way, If I touched my cheek, I was like I was touching an idea rather than an actual physical object. I started worrying, so I tried to get someone to help me, to tell me it was all in my head and none of it was real, but every time I called to someone, no one would answer. This caused me to realize that Newton’s Law (I’m not sure but I believe it was the third one) and states that every action has an equal an opposite reaction was wrong, nothing had a reaction, everything was merely coincidence. This in turn caused me to deduce that if this law was wrong, then nothing could exist, we were all just thoughts, a random spasm of energy in an empty universe. It was all in my mind, everything, I was that spasm of energy, and tired of being alone I created everything else. So if I was to die, there would be no repercussions, none at all.
I couldn’t take feeling like this, so my body made one of it’s random involuntary movements, so that I had rolled over on my back, staring into the sky, seeing the stars, somehow I felt this should have calmed me down, but it didn’t all it did was pull me deeper into this fear I had created for myself. Staring into the vast emptiness of space with stars dotting the sky every now and then. I knew that each star were light-years apart. Meaning that the Majority of Space was nothing but emptiness. Suddenly I realized that’s all life was, emptiness, and I had created these fake people to fill it in, but they weren’t real, I looked around everyone was sleeping at this point. “None of you are real,” I thought to myself as I looked around, and they all began disappearing one by one, replaced with nothingness. I felt my body start to shake from fear. I tried to stand up, I couldn’t take it any longer, I was going to go throw myself into the fire and be rid of it all, but my body still wouldn’t listen to my commands. So I laid there, as the entire world disappeared from me, the darkness was increasing and surrounding me, I couldn’t stop it, I had figured out the truth of existence, something everyone strives for, and the truth was, that there is no existence.
I laid there, for what felt like days, staring into this emptiness, wishing it would go away, but it didn’t. I just grew and joined with other emptiness. I closed my eyes to escape it, sleep, I needed sleep, I would never wake up, but it was better than being awake as all of existence disappeared around me, hopefully I wouldn’t be around anymore when it was all gone, but I had the fear in me that I would wake up, that I would wake up to a bleak, dark, emptiness with only me.
I woke up, I tried to remember what had happened the night before but nothing came to mind. I stood up. It was still dark, Michael was walking around, “Hey, you need to come and help me find wood for the fire, it’s dying,” he told me, I started to walk, my legs didn’t want to, but I somehow managed to make it about 200 feet, only thing was I didn’t remember getting that far, last I remembered was standing up. I looked around and couldn’t see anything, but I could “feel” where I was. I called out to Michael and he came to me, “Help me, I can’t walk, I don’t know how I got here,” I told him. “Ok, here, I’ll help you walk back to your sleeping bag,” he held me up as I couldn’t hold my own weight up very easily. We walked back to my sleeping bag and I laid down and fell asleep again.
When I woke up again it was light, and everyone else was awake too, the fire was nothing but embers and it was really cold, I still couldn’t walk, so I crawled over to the bottle of charcoal starter that was sitting on the ground. I grabbed it and crawled back to my sleeping back, pulled my self as close to the fire as I could, I sprayed the liquid on it, it burst into flames, “Aaaaah, warmth,” I said. Chris looked at me, “Thank you,” he said, we just laughed and nodded. The fire died down after about two minutes, so I sprayed it again, Gunner was out getting wood for it. I repeated this process every two minutes or so until the bottle was empty.
“Damn I’m still f**k up,” I said. Everyone laughed, “Me too, said Chris and Jason.” I stood up, damn I had to piss, bad, I remembered last night, oops, I never went last night. So I walked over to the barn and just let it go, five minutes of nothing but relief, now I felt good, I felt nothing bad at all. I walked over to a pile of some wood and picked some up and carried them to the fire, they wouldn’t burn well as they were wet. We all sat there talking, no one talked about what they went through the night before, it was pretty much understood by all, there was no need to say anything. Chris’s mom woke up and came out to check on us. She decided that we needed something to eat, so the seven of us piled into two cars and we went to McDonald’s. Chris, Jason, and I were still f**k up, if Brad was he never said so. We are all supposed to go to Mike’s tonight for his b-day party, but no one wants too. We all go home, still f**k up as hell. I call Mike and tell him that I can’t make it. He complains about how everyone’s been calling him all day telling them they can’t make, he’s obviously disappointed, but says he understands why, “Chris party last night was good enough, I honestly didn’t think after I woke up this morning that anyone would want to come, I didn’t even want to come, and it’s my party.” We laugh and talk a bit more then I have to go, I need more sleep.
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