cliff and the dead cat (part 4)

Just kidding; he had a parachute. A couple seconds later he landed in what would appear to be the ocean. “Oh noes!” Cliff screamed, “My left foot is allergic to air!” While Cliff was freaking out about his challenged foot, he didn’t realize that he had let go of the dead cat. Only days later, when he had finally got over his left foot, did Cliff notice that the dead cat was missing. Cliff looked all around but there was no trace of the dead cat. Eventually Cliff drifted to an unknown place, which was known to the native people as Kansas. 

He asked the local mailman if he had seen a dead cat anywhere and the mailman said that he had seen one 5 years ago when his wife ran over the neighbor’s cat. 

“What did you guys do with it?” Cliff asked. 

“Well sonny, we threw it away,” answered the mailman. 

“AHH!!! HOW COULD YOU?!”

So Cliff, determined to retrieve his only friend, went to the mailman’s house and searched through his garbage. *Sigh*, sighed Cliff, “It’s only my stupid dead cat. Why do bad things always happen to me? I lost my only friend and my mother. I didn’t try to kill her when I took her nightgown… it was dark, there was a strange woman in my mother’s house, I had a machine gun…  she didn’t tell me she got a haircut!  Ugg. I should just die, there is nothing to live for anymore.”