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Together Forever [3]Authors Comments: Very sad. May make you cry.
Creative
 Created on 10-18-08
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 Story Rating G
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Jamie woke up to the sound of a TV. He looked over at his Grandma and noticed her smiling for the first time in hours. He looked over at the chair where his Mother had left his bananas and book, and they were gone. He looked over at the table beside him and saw a banana peel with the rest of the bunch of bananas. Beside them was the book his Mom had got him. Beside the book was the alarm clock which had the time. The time was 7:36P.M.
“I ate one of your bananas. I hope you don’t mind,” It was Jamie’s Grandmother.
“No, I don’t mind.”
“So, you want to read some of that book to me.”
“Sure.” Jamie reached for the book on the table and placed it on the side of his bed as he got comfortable enough to read. When at last he was situated, he began to read.
It was 9:56P.M. when Jamie and his Grandma stopped reading for a break. They were both in tears of the moving chapter they just read. They were both crying so hard they had to stop.
Because they were crying, they both started into a fit of coughing. Jamie’s Grandma couldn’t stop coughing, neither could Jamie. Jamie knew that if he didn’t stop coughing then he could have an asthma attack. He stopped crying, but kept repeating his Grandmother by coughing. The book fell off the side of the book. Both Jamie and his Grandmother continued to cough.
At 10:30P.M. the nurse that was taking care of Jamie and his Grandmother walked into the room with a tray of food for them to eat as a snack before they go to bed. Instead of continuing into the room, the nurse stared in shock and then dropped the tray and ran for a doctor. At 10:43P.M. the doctor confirmed the fact that Jamie and his Grandmother were both dead. Jamie died of an asthma attack, and his Grandma because of the Leukemia.
Melinda and her husband came into the hospital almost in tears. They didn’t want to know the bad news the doctor had for them. They couldn’t get the dreadful thoughts of what the bad news might be out of their heads.
The doctor met them in the lobby. He opened up the conversation by saying, “I’m so sorry. There was nothing we could do.”
Melinda screamed and cried at the same time. She couldn’t stop. She ran to the bathroom at full speed.
After about twenty minutes she came out of the restroom door and walked back over to her husband and the doctor. The doctor said, “We have a video on what was going on at the time of the deaths. We will show it to you if you would like to see it.”
“Yes! Show it to me.”
The two heartrending parents and the doctor walked to the back of an office and into a room where there was a TV. The doctor walked over to the TV, got a video off the top of the VCR, and put it in.
The opening scene on the video was of when Jamie had first woken up. He was looking around when his Grandma said, “I hope you don’t mind me eating one of your bananas.
Jamie replied, “No, I don’t mind.”
Melinda listened closely as she heard her Mom say, “, you want to read some of that book to me.”
“Sure.”
All three of the viewers watching the tape recording listened closely to the words of the book Jamie was reading aloud. He continued to read. Then he went silent and looked up at his Grandmother, as if preparing her. Then he continued to read. Jamie’s parents scooted closer to the TV.
Jamie read:
“Boy,” said Anastasia, “you know what I wish? I wish that everybody who loved each other would die at exactly the same time. Then nobody would have to miss anyone.”
Melinda started to shed a few tears. She watched intently as she saw Jamie and his Grandmother start to sob. Jamie put the book on its pages beside him on his bed. Both he and his Grandma started to cough. The book was pushed off the side of Jamie’s bed by his hand as he reached over and grabbed his Grandmother’s hand in his. Melinda thought for a split second that she saw her son and her Mom smiling at each other, but she wasn’t for sure. Leisurely and one at a time, Jamie’s Grandma’s head went down as her eyes closed. Then Jamie did the same and they both just lied there. They were both dead.
Comments
Please Login to post comments| On October 30th 2008 AlexINTJ Said : | |
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Your material is relatively fresh. I’m mostly afraid of venturing into the story section because it generally constitutes of the same rehashed relationship stuff. Your descriptive talents are also excellent. A problem I did notice is the repetition of certain words. An example would be “There was coughing, so much coughing. Jamie awoke to the sound of a deep cough” – or – “he heard the sound of what sounded like” – “It was a dull and cloudy day. There was no sun that could break away from the cloud that lay overhead. This cloud was the biggest cloud…” I also did this a lot, it’s not something I often noticed. Your writing has a natural flow to it, your characters are well drawn out, your dialogue isn’t dull and predictable and the story is moving and not at all stale. It’s a very solid piece and I enjoyed reading it. Great job. I was impressed. |
