Created By

shaunsmom22

Rate this Story

Embed

     It was November of 2002, I found out I was pregnant. I was 18 and the newly wed of a handsome Marine. We were so excited. We both wanted to have children so badly. We were looking forward to the new journey ahead of us. I was instantly attached to this child inside of me.

     The very beginning of December came and we were already telling the whole family about this baby. I still had not had my first appointment cause the OB/GYN was booked and you have to go through this process in the military where you go in and get weighed and have a pregnancy test and all that neat stuff.

      Well, one morning I woke up, and my husband was at work, as usual, I cleaned the house, as I normally do, and went to the restroom several times, as everyone does, only this time I went to the restroom to find blood in my pee. As any first time mom would, I freaked and called the hospital. They told me to come in. So, I called my husband to get me. Fear rised up inside of me, and tears fell down my face. I was terrified. After a series of tests in the ER and an untrasound, I was told everything was fine, but if the bleeding continued into the following day, gets heavier, or starts clotting, to come back in.

      The blood continued, and so began my second trip to the ER. I underwent many of the same tests from the day before. The hospital told me everything seemed normal and that I was probably just one of the rare number of women who bleed during my pregnancy. My husband, kept telling me, "See everything is fine, the baby is okay." I knew deep down it wasn't okay. Nothing was okay. I cried and cried, and I took my husband by the hand and told him, "We are losing the baby. I can feel it. I know it." He had a tear forming in his eye, but held it back, and said, "Babe the doctors said the baby is doing fine, everything is okay my love, do not worry so much." Once again the doctors told me the same thing as before, to come back if it got any worse.

     It got worse, so began my 3rd trip and third day at the ER. Same tests, same crap, same fears. This time something was different, th doctors got the results of my blood tests in and told me my horomones had a drop in them. Then they told me, thet meant that I was probably losing the baby. My fears were confirmed. Then they said they needed to clean me out and use the baby to help find out why these things happened. There I was, crying my head off, and in so much pain. They had me spread eagle on a table as they scrapped out my baby for lab testing, and the doctor has the nerve to put HIS hand on MY shoulder and say, "I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS, I KNOW HOW HARD THIS MUST BE FOR YOU."

     What do doctors know? All I went through, and all I came out of that hospital with was a broken heart, and a paper on grief and loss due to miscarriage.

      I need relief from the pain so I choose to go to my bestfriend's house. She was 70 miles away. I had hope that we would go out and have fun and for a moment I would feel a little better. We did have a little fun and I felt a little better. It was time to sleep and we slept on my friend's floor on a mattress. I woke up in the middle of the night. When I woke up there was blood all over! It was on me, her matress, my clothes, and her blankets. I freaked out and ran to the bathroom. I was crying and crying as I washed off the blood from my body. Questions were running through my head, "Will I be able to have another baby? Why me? Why, we were supposed to be happy? We were supposed to have a family? Was it me? Did i not eat right? Did I cause the death of this child?" I was crying so loudly my husband woke up. He came to see what had happened. I explained it to him. We cried together. This woke up my bestfriend and her boyfriend and She was trying to calm me and I was apologizing for ruining her matress and sheets.

     A few weeks went by and i was beginning to feel a little better about my loss. I had not told my whole family about the baby and Christmas came around. I received a blanket and some other things for the baby and I cried. I explained to my family what had happened and they apologized. I told them it was fine. I should have said something.

    5 years later and I now have 2 healthy baby boys. The pain has not left, it just got a little easier. Sometimes I still wonder what my child would have looked like.