|
A Family Full Of Lies (long true story)
Tragedy
 Created on 10-30-07
 Views(55)
 Story Rating G
|
I'm setting here looking out of the office window, the leaves on the trees changing colors. I just love all the wonderful red, orange and golden leaves in the fall and the air is so cool and crisp. Wakes me up, I can finally take in a breath and let out a sigh of relief, serenity, peace.My life is finally good and I love hearing myself say that.
I look back on my, like I often do when I have a moment of free time. My life was anything but good. I was born to a 15 year old runaway 30 years ago. She died just few moments after having me. For that I would gain hell later in life. Her brother and his wife adopted me, but I never knew until I was in my mid twenties. My family has always been full of lies among other things.
I was 4 years old when my grandfather started molesting me. I can remember it like it was yesterday. He would always take me to get ice cream or to go fishing..or at least that is what he would tell Papa ( myfather). I can still see the look on his face when he would tell me it's time to play our games. I can still remember the smell of his clothes and hair, the way his skin felt so scratchy and rough.
He put me through so much pain, and he would act like nothing ever happened once we got back home. But he would make sure to tell me the whole way home I would die, my sister would die if I ever told. I was so afraid him and I hated him! Often at night I would lay in my bed wide awake because I was to afraid to sleep. Praying that God would take him away from me. I wanted him to die. He was a bad man.
Finally, God must have heard my prayers, because after three years of pain from playing Grandfather's sick games, he died and the best part I seen it. It was Sunday and we was going "fishing" after church. Grandfather told me today was the day we were going to play a new game, "ride the pony" is what he called, I think. He went into detail of the game and I have never felt so scared in my life. As we were driving granddad told me to pull my dress up and show him...... I knew I had to or I my sister and I would die. He hit a tree. He went through the windshield, I went in the floorboard.He lost his life, and I was free.
I was able to play, and be a kid again, the best I knew how anyway. My innocence has already been stolen. I was already angry.
At seven years old, my dad would make me help him clean fish and skin the game he hunted, he would also let me have drinks of his beer. I liked the taste of it,even though it made me feel hot in my stomach. He would call me his killer. Not sure why. Papa was a sometimes violent man who drank to much. Often getting drunk and beating mom and my brother and always babying my sister Chloe and treating me like his "son". He would be so mad to know what granddad did before he died, what he did to his little girl.
My Uncle Teddy started showing me a lot of attention when I was 8 almost 9. My freedom was gone again. He picked up where my grandfather left off at. When I was 10 he raped me in every way. I remember the pain, the blood and the feeling of hate and death. Mom moved out, Uncle Teddy moved in. Every night he would come into my room and rape me, trying to act like it was something soft and sweet. It was anything but that!
After a few months he wanted to start on my sister. Chloe was a year younger than me, but so petite, so fragile. I hated her but loved her so much, its a contradiction I know, but the way we felt about each other. I couldn't let that happen, so I went to him first. I always knew when he was going to do "it", so I went to him first to protect my sister. My father was never home anymore so Uncle Teddy was free to do what he wanted to.
To hide the fear and numb the pain I learned where my pops liquor was and drank it. I knew how to hide it by filling the bottle with whatever I could find. Papa was a drunk anyway. I was 11 and depended on alcohol, would steal pills from medicine cabinets and had been cutting for a year now. At thirteen I got a real boyfriend, my uncle had his son beat him up. My uncle told me I was his girlfriend and the next boy, he would kill. I believed him.
I found out I was pregnant when I was fifteen, my uncle made me get an abortion. I wanted one too and I don't believe in them. But how could I have a baby and know it would be messed up, he is my uncle! Then when Teddy, found me kissing a boy from school, he took me to the lake and beat me up. He broke 2 ribs,my arm, split my lip,blacked my eyes and busted my nose. My body was battered and my clothes were torn and then he threatened my life if I told anyone. I was ready to die by then, I could no longer function with out alcohol, pills,etc.He knew it too, so he started threatening Chloe, he knew that would get.
"I will rape her! I will scalp her! I will cut her ***** off! I will cut her open from ***** to her throat and gut her! If you say one godd**n word you f***ing b***h!!! DO YOU HEAR ME YOU C***!?!"
I can still see the expression on his face that day through my swollen squinting eyes. I can still feel the sprays of his spit on my face from him yelling. I said nothing, just lied and claim to be jumped.
I moved the next day with my sister to my moms in Florida. Lived my life addicted to drugs and alcohol, puking after everthing I ate, cutting my body and sticking a needle in my arm every chance I got. Fell in love, finished school, had a baby and got married. Still using and abusing, lying and crying and still didn't care. I still wanted death and the only thing that kept me going was my child.
I went to rehab when I was 24, stayed for 6 months, got sober, my dad got sober too, and my mom got cancer. I learned while in rehab that my entire life, my whole existence was based on lies. That's when I learned I was adopted and blamed for killing their sister, their daughter and my mother. Like my dad called me "Killer". They loved me but blamed me for her death. I learned that my father knew I was being raped by my uncle and he just stayed away. Because I was the disease that plagued my family. Everything made since right at that moment of truth. The rapes, the beatings, the constant feelings of guilt, all those times I was sick and had to do every ones chores out in the barn and yard. And all that time I thought I was Papa's favorite.
Papa died from a heart attack, mom died of cancer and my sister killed herself. I am left in a life that is full of depression, anxiety, panic and guilt. I am a mother to one and a daughter to none. I bust my butt to keep my home right. But yet my family will always be full of lies. Some things I still can't tell. Hurts to much to bring them up.
I know this is long and I'm no writer, like all of you. But it is a true story on my life. The only thing that was changed is names and not the whole story of my hell. But all I could share right now. I did it in hopes that it will some one that might be or have gone through something of the same. No matter where you were or how low your life has gotten, there is always light on the other side, you just have to take that rope and pull yourself out of whatever hell you might be in. There is always help out there, even if you don't see it right now, its there. I still have my down days, weeks but it does get better.
Comments
Please Login to post comments| On October 30th 2007 justlikeme1569 Said : | |
|
i am so sorry that happened to you i was raped by my brother in law and my sister wouldnt believe me until he tried to do it to her after they got divorced and ever since them me and my sister barely talk!! |
| On October 30th 2007 lisamcox Said : | |
|
IF you ever need to talk message me Ill give you my email address. Thats horrid. |
