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shadowsage84

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There are many stories that I could tell you about my life. Some are quite tragic, especially when it comes to my childhood. the older I get, the better the story gets. This story takes place in my preteen - teen years.

As a preteen you are pretty much starting to discover yourself. You finding out your real likes and dislikes. What crushes you might have. Your hormones are kind of going wacko on you. What I noticed about myself during those years was not something that most people accepted. So I kept it to myself. When you are not truly being yourself, you are not happy; not happy at all. You spend all of your time trying to hide what you are. That takes energy and you get to the point that you just wear down. It did not get any easier in highschool. It got worse. Expecially when you have some guys crushing on you. I tried to seem interested, I even went out on a couple of dates. I "went out" with a couple of guys. Those relationships never lasted long because of how distant I was. I would kiss them, but thats about it. I fell into a deep depression that I tried to hide when I was at school. It was harder some days and easier on other days. I really didnt do anything extra in the school. My biggest thing was art. I took art all four years. I was in AP art my last two years. The depression kept getting worse. It got worse because I kept hiding who I truly was. I was in denial. That is the worst possible thing you can do to yourself.

When I was 17 I tried to committ suicide. There were other factors, but the factor that affected me the most was the fact that I was not being honest with myself. I took a handful of muscle relaxers and went to sleep with every intention of not waking up. The next day is a blur, but from what I can remember, my parents found me in my bed with the note that I had written them. I didnt go to the hospital because my dad was I guess afraid to call them. My best guess is that he didnt want me to end up in the psych ward. It wouldnt have been anything new to me, but he didnt call the police. For about a week my parents were very careful in the questions that they asked. We ended up talking alot about how I was feeling. It helped me a little. But there was still something that I wanted and needed to tell them. I just couldnt. I needed to tell them that I was gay.

I came out to my friends about a year before I came out to my parents. They were not happy at first. They have seen how much happier I am now. I am no longer suffering from deep depression, thank the lord I am not having to take medication. I am happy. I no longer have to lie to myself or other people around me. My whole family has accepted me for who I truly am. I am forever greatful to them for being there for me. That is just one of the many stories I will write on here. This one is not a long one, but some of the ones I have to tell are. Some are even shorter than this one. I can say that I am only 22 years old, but I have lived a life that most 60 year olds live. I have gone through things that most people on this earth could not imagine. Thank you for reading.