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sanasca

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<div style="border:1px #ccc solid; background-image:url('/images/ray.gif'); font-family:arial; width:200px; padding:5px;"><center><div style="font-size:20px;"><a href="/story/sanasca/12189">What You Have Done To Me.</a></div><table><tr><td width="50"><div style="color:#2CC362; font-size:15px; padding-top:4px; background-image:url('/images/profratebg.gif'); background-repeat:no-repeat; width:44px; height:26px; text-align:center; font-weight:bold; vertical-align:middle; padding-top:8px; padding-left:1px; " valign="top">3</div></td><td><div style="height:100px;width:100px; padding-top:9px; background-repeat:no-repeat; background-image:url(/images/storyCover.png);"><a href="/story/sanasca/12189"><div style="margin-left:9px; __padding:0px; height:90px; width:70px; background-repeat:no-repeat; background-image:url('http://www.testriffic.com/storyfiles/12189.jpg');"></div></a></div></td></tr></table></center></div>

+ 1	comeing out part 3
+ 3	What You Have Done To Me.
+ 4	comeing out part 2
+ 7	Comeing Out part 1
+ 5	A lost Innocence

          After everything I’ve been through it still ends like this, cold, and alone sat in a dark alley in a God forsaken part of town. People walk by and pretend not to notice me or the pool of blood on the ground. My blood turns cold and my limbs are like dead weight. It’s so hard now even to just keep my eyes open, my voice begins to fail me; a mere whisper is all that escapes my ashen lips. Still I am determined to finish my story, I don’t want my death to be in vain and if only one person reads this and realises bullying kills I will die happy.

           

            It’s so sad to think you make more of a difference dead then alive. A depressing thought for anyone. My story really begins in 2002. I was eleven and just starting a new school, I made some friends on my fist day, not many, just one of two, our own special group. I didn’t seem to fit in with any one else in my year, they all looked at me like I was a piece of trash. I toke the bold move of going up to a small group and introducing myself, i can’t believe is was so stupid. The group consisted mainly of girls; they all just laughed at me and told me to piss off. I felt the blood rush to my face and my cheeks and ears start to glow red. The girls must of noticed as well because they started calling my names like lighthouse, and Rudolf. I felt so embarrassed and ashamed all I wanted to do was go home and never go to school again.

           

             I turned and walked away from the girls. As I walked away tears began to well in my eyes as they shouted after me “oi big ass lose some weight you elephant” and other hurtful taunts. From that day on I seemed to be the girls target, however I tried to avoid them they found me, everyday their taunts got more hurtful. I told the teachers and they ignored my pleas for help, I told my parents and they just said to keep away from them and they will get bored eventually.

           

            The taunts became more then taunts, I had things thrown at me and put in my hair in the cafeteria; they pushed me and started to hit me. I had my head smashed in to a wall and my nose broken. I spent time in hospital because of the girls but still no one toke any notice.  I started to believe that I was fat even though I wasn’t and so I stopped eating completely. At first I ate so my mum wouldn’t notice but after every meal I used to “take a walk” I hid in a bush near our home and shoved my fingers down my throat to make myself sick. This went on for a long time before I just stopped eating completely; I avoided meal times and told mum I had eaten when I was out. My depression grew deeper and I started to cut my arms and burn myself, I felt like I had to self harm because it was the only way I could get rid of the pain. With each drop of blood that dripped from the cuts I felt a numbness come over me.

           

            School got worse more people joined in, bullying me and now it wasn’t just girls it was boys as well, they were worse. The girls just beat me up and taunted me but the boys would smack my ass as I walked by, and they would try to grab my tits. I hated it, I was so scared, I tried to tell my parents again but they were adamant that it would all pass over and that I was exaggerating, they said the bullying wasn’t half as bad as I made out.

           

            I was nearly sixteen when I started getting threats, some of the tougher boys at school threatened to rape me and I had death threats posted into my locker and through my letter box. I was to scared to even leave my home and the only place I ever went was school. The few friends I did have didn’t want to be near me in case the bullies turned on them, and so I was alone.

           

            We had ran out of bread and my mother sent me to the shop to buy some. I saw a group of boys standing by the gardens at the end of my street. I recognised the boys immediately, I tried to cross the road but the traffic was so busy I daren’t. I tried to pull my hood over my face hopeing to slip by un-recognised but no such luck. One of the boys pushed me to the ground and they started to drag me through the gate leading to the dark, empty park. I tried to call out for help, but I got kicked in the head and one of them held a knife to my throat and said he would kill me if I made another sound. Once inside the park I realised they had been waiting there for me, so they could carry out their threat. By this time I was crying, begging for them not to hurt me but my pleas fell upon deaf ears. Some of the boys held me down as the others pulled my trousers and panties off of me, I kicked out at them but every time I struggled the metal blade was pressed harder agonised my throat.

           

           After what seemed like hours the ringleader of the gang of boys pulled his own trousers down. He smiled at me knowing how much he was going to hurt me, he smiled to let me know just how much he was going to enjoy what he was about to do to me. He lowered himself between my legs which were being held open by two boys. He kissed me and laughed before forcing him self in to my vagina I screamed in pain but my screams were muted by a piece of cloth that was shoved roughly into my mouth. I felt the blade press agonised my throat and realised I couldn’t get away.

           

           There where eleven of twelve boys and each had his turn with me. I was raped over and over, the pain between my legs was unbearable, tears were streaming down my face and all I wanted to do was stop the pain. When the boys had finished they left me there weak and bleeding. I lay there sobbing for a long while before the pain had eased enough for me to move, I put my panties on. As soon as the soft material touched my bleeding vagina I screamed again as a sharp burning sensations ripped though my body. I gritted my teeth I had to bear it, I had to get away. The last thing I picked up was the knife that had been held to my throat. Moving was so painful that every shuffle I toke was greeted with intense pain. Even so I managed to make my way to an alley where I collapsed unable to go on. I looked at the knife in my hand; it seemed like my only option, to get out of the life I hated so much but most of all to get rid of the pain.

           

          The metal glinted in the moon light as I slashed deeply into my wrist, almost instantly an incredible numbness washed over me as I watched my life blood flow away. I killed myself.

           

            So that’s why I am here, telling my story to a complete stranger as the waited with me. The girl had called an ambulance but I already knew it would be too late. Waves of darkness washed over me and I could feel I was nearly gone.

             Her last words to me were “please write my story, let people know why I died, let people know what bullying does to people, please don’t let me die in vain” with that she toke her last breath and died there in my arms, a tear slid down my cheek and landed on her already cold forehead. So that was exactly what I did, I wrote her story to let people know why this young girl toke her own life, but a part of her will always live on as long as her story is remembered.

 Bullying kills people, together we can stop it.

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