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Recover (Chapter Two)
NonFiction
 Created on 9-29-07
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Chapter Two (Recovery)
So to recap , I will talk some more about the physical aspects' of my disease . Alcoholism , had cuased me to experience the shakes' , now my shakes are gone . I began to bloat , becuase of malt liquor . Since I sobered up , I went from two hundread and ten pounds' , to my old weight of one hundread and sixty pounds' . I also remember the cravings' now . I couldn't when I first sobered up , I had to learn about what the phoenomina of craving was . I didn't understand that when I took the first drink , I just could not stop , becuase the desire was so strong that I had no otehr choice but to drink , until I became sick .
My constant heart burn is gone as well , no more alka selsure , and tums . I would always wake up in the morning having to puke , and with pissy pants' . I had it timed exactly to the tee , on getting from the couch to the toilet . I would drink coffee all morning long just to feel better , it felt as though my ribbs were comming out of its skin . My tounge , always felt swollen . I would do this every day , and every day , I had to stair at myself in the morning in the mirror . I would puke in that toilet , until it running out of my nostrils', and my eyes were blood shot red . Still , even though I went thrue all that pain , that morning , I would be drinking agian by four 'clock . Sometimes' I would take a break for a day , and sometimes for about four days' . That all depended on how mad my girlfriend was at me though , I would always try to quit for a couple days' for her . When the urge got on me good though , I would come up with yet another excuse to drink . It was sometime's how bad of a person my girlfriend was or the work was hard , even the day being long .
I can remember nights' of getting off work and sitting outside on the deck stairing at our place and feeling as though I was ready to jump out of my skin . I would be on my way home from work and see a gas station that I always bought my booze at , and the urge would come upon me . I would sometimes' stop and get my drink , making the girlfriend mad or I would pass it up and sit on the deck wacked out off of not drinking .
Today , that makes sence to me , I can finally understand what was going on , but it took allot of learning . Eventually , I learned about the obsession to drink and the craving , which is physical to me . I once didn't understand the differance between the two . Now I know that I used to sit on the porch obsessing , and I drank until I passed out becuase of the craving . In the mornings' I would feel the pain , yet by four o'clock I would forget the pain and remember the comfort and ease that came with the first drink . I would lie to myself and say that I would drink better this time . I woudl control it , and I wouldn't get out of hand like I did the time befor . I had to learn these things befor I could see what alcohol really dose to the body of an alcoholic . I have seen it in my uncle and aunt . I watch as drunks puke blood up becuase their liver no longer excepts the alcohol into their system . A drunk that comes into the program and says that he bleed out of every hole befor coming in , yet go's back to the bottle the moment his wounds heal . Men and women in a haize for months' not even able to talk , becuase of the drink . Younge poeple , in their twentie's that sober up and speak a good speach in the program , and mean it at the time , yet go back out . Endless numbers of Alcoholics' and Addicts' in trouble with the law . Thay sober up and are almost in the clear , yet just befor getting off of paroll thay get into trouble agian , becuase of drugs' and alcohol .
Becuase of the program , I have gained allot of knowledge . I wouldn't have ever learned any of the things' I know today , if it wasn't for recovery , yet I also know that allot of it is unnecissary knowledge that I never really had to learn in the first place . I had to complicate things in my life all the time , so in recovery , I did the same . Life is simple , yet we complicate things' . Thats not just alcoholics' , that is everyone . We all do that . I was the guy who wanted to be smart , yet wasn't . My old sponsor had to use that to his advantage to get me to learn . He tuaght me how to communicate with others'. I worked the steps' with him and learned to pray . He gave me the suggestions' which eventually cuased me to get a G.E.D. and learn how to write a resume . I didn't do this becuase I was smart though , I did it becuase it was suggested to me , and I took the suggestion .
I also had another sponsor , which suggested that I get into a housing program , which in turn had me learn about credit and setting goals and a budget . That helped me also with my sixth and seventh step in My twelve step program . In the long run , I eventually got my C.D.L's and now I have a bill which needs to be paid to a truck driving school . I have a baby now too , with a girl I once know while in addiction . That turned quickly into a failed relationship . I learned from my mistakes too , and I moved on . She was one of the girls' on my eighth and ninth step that I had to make an ammends' to , now I am making an ammends for the rest of my life . I used that though as experience here recently to make another ammends to yet another ex-girlfriend . It helped me to recognise the insanity that was in my life , and see how messed up I really was . At some time in recovery , I seemed to have forgotten that . Its a wake up call for me , and I really don't like to see it , yet it helps keep me in reality and grounded with my decisions'.
I'm learning how to cope , during stressful situations' most of all . I tell myself ,"This too shall pass", and it dose . It takes time though . Tolerance and patience have a true meaning to me now . What others have the luxury of overlooking , I use as a necessity to surviving and overcoming my obsticles' in life . I have litterly learned how to live in the day . I can only do the next right thing , and I must remeber to ask myself at times what that is . If I know that the bill is on the coffee table and I have the money in my pocket then I get the money and an envelope , make out a money order and pay the bill . That is the next right thing . If the dishes are dirty , wash them . Do the task at hand and think no further . Set Goals , yet work on the short term goals , and focus only on the goals that can be done that day .
My thinking must eventually be intuitive , and I cann't overthink things' too much . Compusive thinking is bad too , yet I must learn how to trust myself and learn from my mistakes' instead of hiding out , and avoiding life . I did that for a long time in recovery as well as in my sickness.
Life can change for us all . That is true , the problem isn't what we need pay attention too , its the sollution that matters . When I change my actions' and my thinking , twords finding sollutions' to my everyday life problems' , things' get better . Short and simple ..
The problem though ,seems to be my emotions' , and my old ways of thinking and acting . Once the actions' and the thoughts' are replaced with positive sollutions' , the problem is resolved without any effert . I was always burning up extra energy that could have been used in other more productive ways to benefit myself and poeple arround me .
Instead of doing that these days' , I try to stay away from the obsession of fixed ideas' and trying to fix my problems' . Sometimes , problems' tend to fix themselves . I don't always like the results , yet I respect them . It's God's will .
The physical aspect of my disease is really about the human body and a better understanding of how it works . See , food is turned into carbohydrates and protein , just like alcohol , and other substances' which are introduced to the human body . Food and other substances' contain carbohydrates , protein , vitamins' , minerals' and fiber . Proteins' are complex molecules' consisting of long chains' of amino acids' , which link in various ways' to form differant kinds of protein . Fats' and Protein are used for cell growth and repair . These are all healthy and productive process' that the body goes thrue on a day to day basis . Alcohol has the same process as these , yet it's poisonous to the body . Instead of producing fats' , proteins' , minerals' , vitamins' , and fiber , it produces Acetaldehyde . This is poison to the Liver .
It's all broken down to the cell these days' . In the Liver there are , whats called Hepatocyte Cells' , and in these cells' , there are Organelles' . There are two types' of Organelles in a cell , the Endoplasmic Reticulums' and the Lysosome . Endoplasmic Reticulum Organelles' transport materials' thrue out the cell , and there are two types of Reticulums' as well . First the Rough Riticulums' which are site attachments' for robosomes' , and Second , Smooth Riticulums' . Smooth Riticulums' are the site for fat production . Now then , we move on from the Endoplasmic Reticulum Organelles' to the second form of Organelle . The Lysosome Organelles' . These Organelles' have Enzymes' that degrade and despose of unwanted and dangerous materials' , (such as Acetaldehyde in the Liver) , taken into the cell , (cells' like the Hepatocyte cells') . These Enzymes' are Proteins' produced by the Lysosome Organelles' , (Which are actually small structures' , basically small organs') , which perform specialized tasks' , (Like producing Enzymes'). Organelles are surrounded by the cell membrain and floats in what is called Cytoplasma .
Enzymes' are produced thrue-out the whole cell too . When Enzymes' are produced in the Peroxisomes of the cell , it's to oxidise the cell substances' . finally though Enzymes' are secreted in the Vacuale . Now imagine the day to day function of the Organelles , Acetaldehyde being introduced into the Liver , and the damage that is done to the cell . As drinkers' become addicted to the drink , the Liver and all of its cells' are being contaminated .
Not only that , we alcoholics' never stop once we start . The cell becomes overwelmed with Poison , so the Acetaldehyde must be stored , becuase the Liver begins to shut down over time becuase of damadge .
It can also be broken down to the level of D.N.A. and the Necleosome inside of every cell . Becuase of damadge that Alcohol do's , it screws these process' up too . The Neucleosome is usually the center of the whole cell , and inside of it D.N.A. wrapps arround a core of binding proteins' in bead-like bodies' . Only one strand of D.N.A. carries the genetic code and acts as a template for the formation of Messanger Robonucleia acid , (mRNA). Once mRNA forms , the strands' of D.N.A. reunite and the mRNA then leaves the Neucleosome into the cell's Cytoplasma . Joining the Organelles and Ribosomes' , where the process of creating Protein is completed .
During this Phase of developement , while floating arround in Cytoplasma , the mRNA attaches to structures' known as Ribosomes . As the Ribosomes' move allong the mRNA strand it produces the Protein by bringing Amino Acids' into place . It follows the sequence known as Nucleotide Base Triplets' .
See , a unit of three successive pairs' of Neucleotide Bases is called a triplet , and each triplet carries the code for one of twenty Amino Acids' , the building blocks' that form Protein . The sequence of pairs of each segment of D.N.A , (or Gene) , determines which Protein is synthisized under the control of that paticular Gene . Now remember , Acetaldehyde is being introduced into the cell , while these process' are being preformed . Imagine the damadge done , with a process that has to be so precise .
It's really about the Gene though in the end , and chemical reactions' within the cell . I haven't said anything about the connection of Alcohol and the human body and I did that for a reason . There really is no true physical evidence . If I told you there was I would be a lier . The Phenominah of craving has not yet been proven and that is the only thing that classifie's anyone as an alcoholic . To my knowledge , nobody in religion , medicine , or twelve step programs' can explain that . Even though , I still threw out the information that I learned about the body , and I ask that you be open-minded enough to draw an honest opinion . Think of how D.N.A. controls paticular cell functions' in every Gene , by governing the manufacturing of specific Proteins' ,and how alcohol can change that process . Enzymes' are catalist to accelerate chemical reactions' and are produced by Organelles . Alcohol in the Liver cuases the Organelles to shut down and store Acetaldehyde in fat . The cells are damadged and the Liver shuts down . It slowly deteriorates becuase of excessive amounts of Acetaldehyde . The Lysosome Organelles' can no longer dispose of the poisonous materials , (such as Acetaldehyde) , so it stores the material elsewhere , (possibly in the Endoplasmic Reticulum Organelles' , which by the way transports Ribosomes' and produces fat) . Think of the Ribosomes' which help in the developement of Protein and how thay attach to currupted Reticulums while being transported to the mRNA to finish the process . These things don't only apply to the Alcoholic , by the way , it applies' to anyone who drinks alcohol . Today it dosn't matter to me if Alcoholism exists or not . Now that I know what God has given me and how beautiful the human body is , and how I purposefully destroyed my body , I don't ever want to go back to what I was befor . Alcohol is a poison , no matter what !!!
The mental and Emotional aspects of my disease , is about my thinking and the intelect itself . The intelect of human beings usually recoils from objects' and emotions' by classifying them to other objects' and emotions' , unless , thay are thought of as unique . In that case , we usually search for the cuase and where the object or emotion originated .
Once , before Dr. Jung was ever arround , a man by the name of William James , thought that Jung's idea of a connection between spiritual values' and psycological change was illogical and arbitrary . James called it psyco-physical theory and stated that it was revelations' of truth flowing from the state of the possessor at the time . In the same breathe he stated as well , that medical materialism attempts to discredit what it dislikes . He though , said it was by associating those things vaguely to the nerves , liver or bodily afflictions' , (the intelect) , which to him was illogical and inconsistant . Both men where renouned in there professions' and established in the medical field , yet jung talked about the same thing which James condemned , and James condemned himself , then used his intelect to justify condemning what Jung later believed to be true . He then saved himself agian in the end by also stating that medical materialism usually attacked those things' that are of a religious state of mind and of superior spiritual value . To me this is complicating the situation and the only solution is , take what you want and leave the rest . Keep solutions' simple and don't complicate things . Sometimes things don't need to be answered .
Insane conditions are thought of as keys to the comprehension of normal mental life . Life is but an allusion used to comprehend normal perception . Understanding illusions' help for better normal perception , and hallucinations for normal sensations' . Fixed ideas' , such as morbid impulses' and imperative thinking are used for understanding normal will , just as obsessions' and delusions' for normal faculties' of life . Psycology believes that isolating special factors' of mental life allows inspection outside of usual surroundings' and for better understanding of anything we must see it both inside and outside of its enviroment .
I don't believe in being poked and proded for the rest of our lives' as alcoholics . Examined under a microscope and send thrue the maze of life to better understand our habbits and record our findings' . I don't believe in percentages' and I don't have to . I don't believe in philosophy , I believe in facts . I do understand that , "sometimes" , what is real isn't always in plain view . I feel that I do have a certain level of faith . I also believe that when I go into my twelve step meetings' too , and I see poeple come in dragging their rear end behind them , and I watch their lives' improve , that is fact . Watching as thay straighten their life up , and suddenly their wife or husband comes back with the children . All of a sudden thay get a job and begin to pay child sapport , or feed their children . I see them standing at bus stops' with a bag full of groceries' instead of a bottle of booze . In meetings' thay talk about paying bills' , making the bed and praying , then cooking breakfast for the kids' , instead of sleeping in late and waking with a hang over . That is fact to me , and it keeps be balanced and grounded . Its in my face and it's proof to me that there is a power greater than me . It's an act of Providence what ever you want to call it , God , Good Orderly Direction , Group Of Drunks' , it dosn't matter to me .
Remember that the value of a person's opinion , concerning their belief must be assertained by spiritual judgements' in the following order , first by immediate feeling , then by their relations' to our moral needs' , then finally by what we hold as true . In forming judgements' of ourself , we should use the evidence that will be used agianst us by our creater when we meet him face to face . Religious practice isn't always the most decisive evidence either . It's the extent of the experiences' that are productive , and the degree of the spiritual and divine experience that is most decisive of all . Its quality not quantity that matters . Inner-happiness too is something that may fool us as well . Serenity and working with others' don't always agree . Sobriety is a way of acting and serenity is a way of feeling . What feels' good immediately is not always truth , when measured agianst the rest of the experience that we have gone thrue .
Dogmatic Philosophies' seek out tests' for truth using only origin and dispensing of appealing to the future , which is another form of Providence in its own right . What I do today , will effect tomorrow , as long as I keep doing what I did today , tomorrow . Not only that , I should also progress and change while creating positive habbits' thrue repitition and more repitition . Life is a gift , laid befor our feet by God himself . It's not earned , but freely given . Decisions' , choices' , consequences and all .
Dogmatic philosophies say that we can be protected immediately and absolutely from mistake , yet to me I wouldn't have the striength that I gained thrue the mistakes of experience . Without those experiences' either there would be no hope . What I made it thrue made me stronger . I have also noticed that even in sobriety , I still hit certain bottoms' in life , yet that is life . Ups and downs , and in those bottoms' I am agian hopeless and helpless , yet I am also thrown into the belief that I need others' to guide me in my search for myself and my own truth in life .
Providence is foreseeing care and guidance of God or nature over the creatures' of the earth . Direction of the universe and affairs' of human kind with wise benevilance , prudent management of resources' , foresight and provident care . Like I once said befor , What I do today effects my life tomorrow .
The concepts' of cranky spiritual poeple are immediately turned into belief and and action . When he gets a new idea he runs with it . He cannot rest until he either proclaims his new beleif or burns energy uslessly working it off . Most normal poeple get an idea and thay think about it , cranky spiritual poeple are more of action , and what to do about the new idea . Agian , William James refers to this as the evolution of the sluggard and the psychopath . Normal religious poeple and cranky spiritual poeple are differant in certain ways . Normal religious poeple are those who's religion is made thrue traditions' , fixed forms' of immitation and and habbits' . Thay were born , raised and died doing what thay thought was God's will and never strayed from the flock . The cranky spiritual person though , wrestles with the crisis of his fate , and are usually thought of as genuis , yet underneith suffers from nervous instability , abnormal physical visitations' , emotional sensitivity , and a discontent inner-life . Working with others' is hard for them becuase thay cann't understand that immediate inner-happiness and service to others' don't always agree . The cranky spiritual person also suffers from meloncoly , thay know no measure , and thay are vary obsessive , often liable to fixed ideas' , which in turn affects normal will . Thay also fall into trances' , hear voices' , see visions' and are thought of as peculiar and pathelogical .
In recovery , I see that allot too . I see it in the church pews' , when the same women seems to speak in tounge every sunday . At meetings' in twelve step programs' , when twelve steppers' start believing all the things' that thay hear and then into action thay go . Thay waste energy in so many ways' believing that thay have to earn sobriety , when it's actually a gift freely given . I can also say that Suggestions' don't work , "unless" , that suggestion is profound and grounded firmly in a foundation . Concrete and fact , not opinion or philosophy . I also can say that my emotions' will be my downfall , not my asset in the end . I have always been oversensitive and emotionally imature . That inner-child that psycologist say I should get in touch with , I say alcoholics' should forget . My inner-child kicked my behind . I wanted to stay young like Peter Pan , and didn't want to grow up , I was in my twentys' and thirtys' and acting like a twelve year old . I threw fits' like a little spoiled bratt who didn't get his way , and I was a braggert about things' becuase I felt insecure , inadequate and inferior to the poeple arround me . I basically had to grow up , and wear the big boy pants' . Walk on my own two feet and learn how to become a man . Eventually , I learned the meaning of , "To Thine Own Self Be True" , and for that I am grateful . If nobody tells you thay love you today , Roger loves you from the bottom of his heart , and he asks each and every sufferer of any addiction to keep coming back . Wait for the miracle to happen like it has for so many others in the rooms' of twelve step programs' all arround the world . Just keep a plug in the jug and the nose , mouth and vein all clean . I thank you for your time , and hope that you enjoy the remainder of the story .
So to recap , I will talk some more about the physical aspects' of my disease . Alcoholism , had cuased me to experience the shakes' , now my shakes are gone . I began to bloat , becuase of malt liquor . Since I sobered up , I went from two hundread and ten pounds' , to my old weight of one hundread and sixty pounds' . I also remember the cravings' now . I couldn't when I first sobered up , I had to learn about what the phoenomina of craving was . I didn't understand that when I took the first drink , I just could not stop , becuase the desire was so strong that I had no otehr choice but to drink , until I became sick .
My constant heart burn is gone as well , no more alka selsure , and tums . I would always wake up in the morning having to puke , and with pissy pants' . I had it timed exactly to the tee , on getting from the couch to the toilet . I would drink coffee all morning long just to feel better , it felt as though my ribbs were comming out of its skin . My tounge , always felt swollen . I would do this every day , and every day , I had to stair at myself in the morning in the mirror . I would puke in that toilet , until it running out of my nostrils', and my eyes were blood shot red . Still , even though I went thrue all that pain , that morning , I would be drinking agian by four 'clock . Sometimes' I would take a break for a day , and sometimes for about four days' . That all depended on how mad my girlfriend was at me though , I would always try to quit for a couple days' for her . When the urge got on me good though , I would come up with yet another excuse to drink . It was sometime's how bad of a person my girlfriend was or the work was hard , even the day being long .
I can remember nights' of getting off work and sitting outside on the deck stairing at our place and feeling as though I was ready to jump out of my skin . I would be on my way home from work and see a gas station that I always bought my booze at , and the urge would come upon me . I would sometimes' stop and get my drink , making the girlfriend mad or I would pass it up and sit on the deck wacked out off of not drinking .
Today , that makes sence to me , I can finally understand what was going on , but it took allot of learning . Eventually , I learned about the obsession to drink and the craving , which is physical to me . I once didn't understand the differance between the two . Now I know that I used to sit on the porch obsessing , and I drank until I passed out becuase of the craving . In the mornings' I would feel the pain , yet by four o'clock I would forget the pain and remember the comfort and ease that came with the first drink . I would lie to myself and say that I would drink better this time . I woudl control it , and I wouldn't get out of hand like I did the time befor . I had to learn these things befor I could see what alcohol really dose to the body of an alcoholic . I have seen it in my uncle and aunt . I watch as drunks puke blood up becuase their liver no longer excepts the alcohol into their system . A drunk that comes into the program and says that he bleed out of every hole befor coming in , yet go's back to the bottle the moment his wounds heal . Men and women in a haize for months' not even able to talk , becuase of the drink . Younge poeple , in their twentie's that sober up and speak a good speach in the program , and mean it at the time , yet go back out . Endless numbers of Alcoholics' and Addicts' in trouble with the law . Thay sober up and are almost in the clear , yet just befor getting off of paroll thay get into trouble agian , becuase of drugs' and alcohol .
Becuase of the program , I have gained allot of knowledge . I wouldn't have ever learned any of the things' I know today , if it wasn't for recovery , yet I also know that allot of it is unnecissary knowledge that I never really had to learn in the first place . I had to complicate things in my life all the time , so in recovery , I did the same . Life is simple , yet we complicate things' . Thats not just alcoholics' , that is everyone . We all do that . I was the guy who wanted to be smart , yet wasn't . My old sponsor had to use that to his advantage to get me to learn . He tuaght me how to communicate with others'. I worked the steps' with him and learned to pray . He gave me the suggestions' which eventually cuased me to get a G.E.D. and learn how to write a resume . I didn't do this becuase I was smart though , I did it becuase it was suggested to me , and I took the suggestion .
I also had another sponsor , which suggested that I get into a housing program , which in turn had me learn about credit and setting goals and a budget . That helped me also with my sixth and seventh step in My twelve step program . In the long run , I eventually got my C.D.L's and now I have a bill which needs to be paid to a truck driving school . I have a baby now too , with a girl I once know while in addiction . That turned quickly into a failed relationship . I learned from my mistakes too , and I moved on . She was one of the girls' on my eighth and ninth step that I had to make an ammends' to , now I am making an ammends for the rest of my life . I used that though as experience here recently to make another ammends to yet another ex-girlfriend . It helped me to recognise the insanity that was in my life , and see how messed up I really was . At some time in recovery , I seemed to have forgotten that . Its a wake up call for me , and I really don't like to see it , yet it helps keep me in reality and grounded with my decisions'.
I'm learning how to cope , during stressful situations' most of all . I tell myself ,"This too shall pass", and it dose . It takes time though . Tolerance and patience have a true meaning to me now . What others have the luxury of overlooking , I use as a necessity to surviving and overcoming my obsticles' in life . I have litterly learned how to live in the day . I can only do the next right thing , and I must remeber to ask myself at times what that is . If I know that the bill is on the coffee table and I have the money in my pocket then I get the money and an envelope , make out a money order and pay the bill . That is the next right thing . If the dishes are dirty , wash them . Do the task at hand and think no further . Set Goals , yet work on the short term goals , and focus only on the goals that can be done that day .
My thinking must eventually be intuitive , and I cann't overthink things' too much . Compusive thinking is bad too , yet I must learn how to trust myself and learn from my mistakes' instead of hiding out , and avoiding life . I did that for a long time in recovery as well as in my sickness.
Life can change for us all . That is true , the problem isn't what we need pay attention too , its the sollution that matters . When I change my actions' and my thinking , twords finding sollutions' to my everyday life problems' , things' get better . Short and simple ..
The problem though ,seems to be my emotions' , and my old ways of thinking and acting . Once the actions' and the thoughts' are replaced with positive sollutions' , the problem is resolved without any effert . I was always burning up extra energy that could have been used in other more productive ways to benefit myself and poeple arround me .
Instead of doing that these days' , I try to stay away from the obsession of fixed ideas' and trying to fix my problems' . Sometimes , problems' tend to fix themselves . I don't always like the results , yet I respect them . It's God's will .
The physical aspect of my disease is really about the human body and a better understanding of how it works . See , food is turned into carbohydrates and protein , just like alcohol , and other substances' which are introduced to the human body . Food and other substances' contain carbohydrates , protein , vitamins' , minerals' and fiber . Proteins' are complex molecules' consisting of long chains' of amino acids' , which link in various ways' to form differant kinds of protein . Fats' and Protein are used for cell growth and repair . These are all healthy and productive process' that the body goes thrue on a day to day basis . Alcohol has the same process as these , yet it's poisonous to the body . Instead of producing fats' , proteins' , minerals' , vitamins' , and fiber , it produces Acetaldehyde . This is poison to the Liver .
It's all broken down to the cell these days' . In the Liver there are , whats called Hepatocyte Cells' , and in these cells' , there are Organelles' . There are two types' of Organelles in a cell , the Endoplasmic Reticulums' and the Lysosome . Endoplasmic Reticulum Organelles' transport materials' thrue out the cell , and there are two types of Reticulums' as well . First the Rough Riticulums' which are site attachments' for robosomes' , and Second , Smooth Riticulums' . Smooth Riticulums' are the site for fat production . Now then , we move on from the Endoplasmic Reticulum Organelles' to the second form of Organelle . The Lysosome Organelles' . These Organelles' have Enzymes' that degrade and despose of unwanted and dangerous materials' , (such as Acetaldehyde in the Liver) , taken into the cell , (cells' like the Hepatocyte cells') . These Enzymes' are Proteins' produced by the Lysosome Organelles' , (Which are actually small structures' , basically small organs') , which perform specialized tasks' , (Like producing Enzymes'). Organelles are surrounded by the cell membrain and floats in what is called Cytoplasma .
Enzymes' are produced thrue-out the whole cell too . When Enzymes' are produced in the Peroxisomes of the cell , it's to oxidise the cell substances' . finally though Enzymes' are secreted in the Vacuale . Now imagine the day to day function of the Organelles , Acetaldehyde being introduced into the Liver , and the damage that is done to the cell . As drinkers' become addicted to the drink , the Liver and all of its cells' are being contaminated .
Not only that , we alcoholics' never stop once we start . The cell becomes overwelmed with Poison , so the Acetaldehyde must be stored , becuase the Liver begins to shut down over time becuase of damadge .
It can also be broken down to the level of D.N.A. and the Necleosome inside of every cell . Becuase of damadge that Alcohol do's , it screws these process' up too . The Neucleosome is usually the center of the whole cell , and inside of it D.N.A. wrapps arround a core of binding proteins' in bead-like bodies' . Only one strand of D.N.A. carries the genetic code and acts as a template for the formation of Messanger Robonucleia acid , (mRNA). Once mRNA forms , the strands' of D.N.A. reunite and the mRNA then leaves the Neucleosome into the cell's Cytoplasma . Joining the Organelles and Ribosomes' , where the process of creating Protein is completed .
During this Phase of developement , while floating arround in Cytoplasma , the mRNA attaches to structures' known as Ribosomes . As the Ribosomes' move allong the mRNA strand it produces the Protein by bringing Amino Acids' into place . It follows the sequence known as Nucleotide Base Triplets' .
See , a unit of three successive pairs' of Neucleotide Bases is called a triplet , and each triplet carries the code for one of twenty Amino Acids' , the building blocks' that form Protein . The sequence of pairs of each segment of D.N.A , (or Gene) , determines which Protein is synthisized under the control of that paticular Gene . Now remember , Acetaldehyde is being introduced into the cell , while these process' are being preformed . Imagine the damadge done , with a process that has to be so precise .
It's really about the Gene though in the end , and chemical reactions' within the cell . I haven't said anything about the connection of Alcohol and the human body and I did that for a reason . There really is no true physical evidence . If I told you there was I would be a lier . The Phenominah of craving has not yet been proven and that is the only thing that classifie's anyone as an alcoholic . To my knowledge , nobody in religion , medicine , or twelve step programs' can explain that . Even though , I still threw out the information that I learned about the body , and I ask that you be open-minded enough to draw an honest opinion . Think of how D.N.A. controls paticular cell functions' in every Gene , by governing the manufacturing of specific Proteins' ,and how alcohol can change that process . Enzymes' are catalist to accelerate chemical reactions' and are produced by Organelles . Alcohol in the Liver cuases the Organelles to shut down and store Acetaldehyde in fat . The cells are damadged and the Liver shuts down . It slowly deteriorates becuase of excessive amounts of Acetaldehyde . The Lysosome Organelles' can no longer dispose of the poisonous materials , (such as Acetaldehyde) , so it stores the material elsewhere , (possibly in the Endoplasmic Reticulum Organelles' , which by the way transports Ribosomes' and produces fat) . Think of the Ribosomes' which help in the developement of Protein and how thay attach to currupted Reticulums while being transported to the mRNA to finish the process . These things don't only apply to the Alcoholic , by the way , it applies' to anyone who drinks alcohol . Today it dosn't matter to me if Alcoholism exists or not . Now that I know what God has given me and how beautiful the human body is , and how I purposefully destroyed my body , I don't ever want to go back to what I was befor . Alcohol is a poison , no matter what !!!
The mental and Emotional aspects of my disease , is about my thinking and the intelect itself . The intelect of human beings usually recoils from objects' and emotions' by classifying them to other objects' and emotions' , unless , thay are thought of as unique . In that case , we usually search for the cuase and where the object or emotion originated .
Once , before Dr. Jung was ever arround , a man by the name of William James , thought that Jung's idea of a connection between spiritual values' and psycological change was illogical and arbitrary . James called it psyco-physical theory and stated that it was revelations' of truth flowing from the state of the possessor at the time . In the same breathe he stated as well , that medical materialism attempts to discredit what it dislikes . He though , said it was by associating those things vaguely to the nerves , liver or bodily afflictions' , (the intelect) , which to him was illogical and inconsistant . Both men where renouned in there professions' and established in the medical field , yet jung talked about the same thing which James condemned , and James condemned himself , then used his intelect to justify condemning what Jung later believed to be true . He then saved himself agian in the end by also stating that medical materialism usually attacked those things' that are of a religious state of mind and of superior spiritual value . To me this is complicating the situation and the only solution is , take what you want and leave the rest . Keep solutions' simple and don't complicate things . Sometimes things don't need to be answered .
Insane conditions are thought of as keys to the comprehension of normal mental life . Life is but an allusion used to comprehend normal perception . Understanding illusions' help for better normal perception , and hallucinations for normal sensations' . Fixed ideas' , such as morbid impulses' and imperative thinking are used for understanding normal will , just as obsessions' and delusions' for normal faculties' of life . Psycology believes that isolating special factors' of mental life allows inspection outside of usual surroundings' and for better understanding of anything we must see it both inside and outside of its enviroment .
I don't believe in being poked and proded for the rest of our lives' as alcoholics . Examined under a microscope and send thrue the maze of life to better understand our habbits and record our findings' . I don't believe in percentages' and I don't have to . I don't believe in philosophy , I believe in facts . I do understand that , "sometimes" , what is real isn't always in plain view . I feel that I do have a certain level of faith . I also believe that when I go into my twelve step meetings' too , and I see poeple come in dragging their rear end behind them , and I watch their lives' improve , that is fact . Watching as thay straighten their life up , and suddenly their wife or husband comes back with the children . All of a sudden thay get a job and begin to pay child sapport , or feed their children . I see them standing at bus stops' with a bag full of groceries' instead of a bottle of booze . In meetings' thay talk about paying bills' , making the bed and praying , then cooking breakfast for the kids' , instead of sleeping in late and waking with a hang over . That is fact to me , and it keeps be balanced and grounded . Its in my face and it's proof to me that there is a power greater than me . It's an act of Providence what ever you want to call it , God , Good Orderly Direction , Group Of Drunks' , it dosn't matter to me .
Remember that the value of a person's opinion , concerning their belief must be assertained by spiritual judgements' in the following order , first by immediate feeling , then by their relations' to our moral needs' , then finally by what we hold as true . In forming judgements' of ourself , we should use the evidence that will be used agianst us by our creater when we meet him face to face . Religious practice isn't always the most decisive evidence either . It's the extent of the experiences' that are productive , and the degree of the spiritual and divine experience that is most decisive of all . Its quality not quantity that matters . Inner-happiness too is something that may fool us as well . Serenity and working with others' don't always agree . Sobriety is a way of acting and serenity is a way of feeling . What feels' good immediately is not always truth , when measured agianst the rest of the experience that we have gone thrue .
Dogmatic Philosophies' seek out tests' for truth using only origin and dispensing of appealing to the future , which is another form of Providence in its own right . What I do today , will effect tomorrow , as long as I keep doing what I did today , tomorrow . Not only that , I should also progress and change while creating positive habbits' thrue repitition and more repitition . Life is a gift , laid befor our feet by God himself . It's not earned , but freely given . Decisions' , choices' , consequences and all .
Dogmatic philosophies say that we can be protected immediately and absolutely from mistake , yet to me I wouldn't have the striength that I gained thrue the mistakes of experience . Without those experiences' either there would be no hope . What I made it thrue made me stronger . I have also noticed that even in sobriety , I still hit certain bottoms' in life , yet that is life . Ups and downs , and in those bottoms' I am agian hopeless and helpless , yet I am also thrown into the belief that I need others' to guide me in my search for myself and my own truth in life .
Providence is foreseeing care and guidance of God or nature over the creatures' of the earth . Direction of the universe and affairs' of human kind with wise benevilance , prudent management of resources' , foresight and provident care . Like I once said befor , What I do today effects my life tomorrow .
The concepts' of cranky spiritual poeple are immediately turned into belief and and action . When he gets a new idea he runs with it . He cannot rest until he either proclaims his new beleif or burns energy uslessly working it off . Most normal poeple get an idea and thay think about it , cranky spiritual poeple are more of action , and what to do about the new idea . Agian , William James refers to this as the evolution of the sluggard and the psychopath . Normal religious poeple and cranky spiritual poeple are differant in certain ways . Normal religious poeple are those who's religion is made thrue traditions' , fixed forms' of immitation and and habbits' . Thay were born , raised and died doing what thay thought was God's will and never strayed from the flock . The cranky spiritual person though , wrestles with the crisis of his fate , and are usually thought of as genuis , yet underneith suffers from nervous instability , abnormal physical visitations' , emotional sensitivity , and a discontent inner-life . Working with others' is hard for them becuase thay cann't understand that immediate inner-happiness and service to others' don't always agree . The cranky spiritual person also suffers from meloncoly , thay know no measure , and thay are vary obsessive , often liable to fixed ideas' , which in turn affects normal will . Thay also fall into trances' , hear voices' , see visions' and are thought of as peculiar and pathelogical .
In recovery , I see that allot too . I see it in the church pews' , when the same women seems to speak in tounge every sunday . At meetings' in twelve step programs' , when twelve steppers' start believing all the things' that thay hear and then into action thay go . Thay waste energy in so many ways' believing that thay have to earn sobriety , when it's actually a gift freely given . I can also say that Suggestions' don't work , "unless" , that suggestion is profound and grounded firmly in a foundation . Concrete and fact , not opinion or philosophy . I also can say that my emotions' will be my downfall , not my asset in the end . I have always been oversensitive and emotionally imature . That inner-child that psycologist say I should get in touch with , I say alcoholics' should forget . My inner-child kicked my behind . I wanted to stay young like Peter Pan , and didn't want to grow up , I was in my twentys' and thirtys' and acting like a twelve year old . I threw fits' like a little spoiled bratt who didn't get his way , and I was a braggert about things' becuase I felt insecure , inadequate and inferior to the poeple arround me . I basically had to grow up , and wear the big boy pants' . Walk on my own two feet and learn how to become a man . Eventually , I learned the meaning of , "To Thine Own Self Be True" , and for that I am grateful . If nobody tells you thay love you today , Roger loves you from the bottom of his heart , and he asks each and every sufferer of any addiction to keep coming back . Wait for the miracle to happen like it has for so many others in the rooms' of twelve step programs' all arround the world . Just keep a plug in the jug and the nose , mouth and vein all clean . I thank you for your time , and hope that you enjoy the remainder of the story .
Comments
Please Login to post comments| On September 29th 2007 roglol1973 Said : | |
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This is my second chapter and I must say that I enjoyed writing it better than the first chapter and the introduction . I was able to write about allot of the things that I learned thrue the program and working the steps in my life . I hope you enjoy it and hopefully it may help someone , which is all the better . |
