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Recovery (Chapter Three) |
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Recover (Chapter Two) |
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Recovery (Chapter One) |
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Recovery (Introduction) |
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Recovery (Introduction)
NonFiction
 Created on 9-29-07
 Views(39)
 Story Rating G
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Introduction
My name is Roger and I am 33 years old getting reading to turn 34 on July 29th. , I was born in 1973 . I am from a family of six , my mom and dad , Raymond and Ganeita , my brother Robert and two sisters' . The oldest sister Amy and My baby sister Becky . Becky is the youngest , and four years younger than me , Amy is a year older than me and my brother Robert is four years older than me , so you could say I am literally the middle child . My parents had my brother when my mom was nineteen , and she was seven years' younger than my dad , making him twenty six.
I was born in Wescounsin , yet I only saw that state for the first two years of my life , my family moved arround allot thrue out my life . From birth to now , I have lived in Wescounsin , Illinois , Florida , Georgia , and Arizona , as a child . We moved to Illinois after I turned eighteen . After eighteen , I moved from Illinois to Missouri , Then back to illinois , after that it was constantly back and fourth between Illinois and Missouri , until just recently when I moved to Indiana . Now I travel constantly back and fourth from Indiana to Illinois . Talk about committment problems'.
I started writing when my Uncle Everette died , I'm not sure of when that was , I believe I was sixteen . I wrote a poem for him and read it at his wake . I put it in his hand , and it was buried with him . Since then , I've written allot . I was obsessed with poetry thrue out all of my teenage years', my poetry though , was pretty schichotic . I wrote about things that were morbid most of the time with an accasional love story to make my girlfriend happy . She loved it . Arround Seventeen , I became interested in Short stories' , becuase I didn't think I could possibly write anything long . Soon though , my first short story became longer and longer , until it was no longer a short story . It was a fantasy novel . Badly written though , yet long . That story never got finish , yet I still have it arround somewhere even to this day .
As the years went by thoughts' about other stories , would creep into my head and I would write about them . I never finished any of them though . I would constantly think of more stories as I went allong too . My stories would stack up and never get finished . still allot of them were good Ideas' , not all of my stories' are fantasy either . Most of them are horror . My poetry became interesting too , I eventually came up with my own style . I began writing stories with poetry' istead of words . I'm not sure when , but at one point , I stopped writing . I took it up agian every once in a while , I stoped writing poetry all toghether until recently .
My sobriety , date is the first day that I went twenty four hours without a drink or a drug . I was actually not drinking , for about two days' , befor that date , yet that was the day I was enrolled into treatment . That day was June the fourteenth , two thousand and three . I was enrolled in the Imoni House at Swope Park Health , Kansas City Missouri . I have been sober for a little over four years'. It hasn't been easy , yet its been interesting . I have learned more in these four years' than I have ever learned in my entire life . Living sober is an interesting way of living , and I believe that few actually hear the truth about what life is like for poeple in recovery . As of yet , I haven't seen any movie that best describes it .
I learned allot of things about addiction , thrue recovery , yet for the longest time I couldn't figure out what the physical aspects of the addiction process were . It baffled me . Things didn't seem to make sence , until , I had about two maybe two and a half years' of clean time . I guess i'm slow , or maybe I'm just a little more honest than what I should be . It was hard for me to understand the concept that once I pick up a drink , and then drank it , I would have such a strong desire to drink , that I would no longer have control over my ability to stop . I had to be tuaght this and a few good people , (allot of good people) , were patient enough to give me the information over and over , until it finally made since . In recover , not in the twelve step programs , but in treatment and other outside sources , I learned about sarotonon and endorphines . I learned about the pleasure canal , in my brain , and the stem which controls pleasure , and runs along the pleasure canal . I learned about Dr. Jung and Froyd . About a docter named Silkworth , and William James' , and Dr. Leslie E. Keeley , Sam Shoemaker and the early oxford groups , and the Washintonians' as well , thay all had remedies'. These men and The things which thay tuaght , were vital in the recovery process we know today .
The truth about it is , at the time when I went into treatment , I feel as though I was ready to sober up . Some people never hit that point , becuase thay never hit an actual bottom . bottom is the word that most poeple who are outside of recovery have come to be familiar with , yet it seems that not too many people are aware of what a bottom truely is . A bottom dose not mean that I go homeless , (which I did) , it means that I emotionally get to a point where I can no longer live with or without drugs or alcohol . While in treatment , I was told that I was emotionally bankrupt , I couldn't understand how , becuase I was emotionally bankrupt . Its like going to an A.T.M. and constantly making one withdrawl after the other . After a while the account is empty and I am left bankrupt . The same is true with my emotions'. After allot of withdrawls , I had became emotionally empty and bankrupt . I disagree allot with the twelve steppers in that department , becuase thay feel that Emotions is what cuases the return to addiction , or the relapse . I on the other hand believe that we get to the point were the bankruptcy returns and we get a bad case of the 'F' its . That was what was tuaght to me in treatment and it still holds true today , from what I see in recovery . I also believe that addicts' and alcoholics could only recieve benifit from the treatment I recieved , and that the more expensive facilities' will not necessarily be the best options . That for good sober thinking , a visit to treament centers in the downtown area of your city would be more benificial .
The problem with this is hopelessness and that is were spiritual beliefs help . A psychic change is needed as thay say . Doctors , jails' , and institutions , have differant ways of encouraging this change . Thay all though , still use one practice which even the twelve stepers' use . That is ego deflation . Homeless shelters' use this too , Now the shelters' take all the boths out in their restrooms , so that people are exposed and out in the open while thay are on the toilet . Jails and Correctional Treament Centers' do this as well , I hear that thay take the seats off too . Some homeless shelters' make men stand in lines nakid and wait until it is their turn to take showers' . There is one Correctional Treatment Center in St. Joe , Missouri , which makes all of the inmates shave their head , and wear identicle uniforms . In the morning thay all line up in single file , and thay wait in a line by a small building . Five people at a time go into this building and thay are told to sing , " I'm A Little Tea Cup " . Its mandatory thay each do this every morning .
Twelve steppers' though aren't that harsh , most of the ego deflation comes from within the fellowship . Thay all vary from person to person , becuase the twelve steppers' have what we call Sponsorship . Sponsorship is when a person chooses another person as , (what religious poeple would call) , an accountability parter . Most of the poeple in step programs' over do this , I though , was tuaght that I take my issues to my sponsor , he tells me what my character defects' are , and who I need to make ammends to , and that is it . If he trys to do more , he's a bad sponsor . This psychic change that I mentioned befor is the key to the whole recovery process . I was on deversion once and thay made me take a quick quiz . I took the quiz and the counsilor came in and told me the worst news imaginable . She said that I would someday have to be placed in an institution for the rest of my life , and I would die hopeless and miserable . I heard that , went home and said the heck with this , if I'm hopeless , I might as well go out with a bang . So I drank even more , not only did I drink , I made my addiction into the excuse for why I drank .
Today I don't make excuses for drinking . My character defects' aren't what makes me an alcoholic . The fact that I am an alcoholic , isn't even an excuse for drinking today , my family isn't the reason for why I am an alcoholic . For some reason , and doctors cann't explain it , neither can religion or anyone else . When I take that first drink , I change . Just like the drink that first drug dose the same thing . I no longer have a desire for drugs' or alcohol and I agree with the twelve steppers' about this , I have recovered from a hopeless state of mind and body . Not recovering . That too , has its hang ups , and I will explain why . Today , going to meetings is like taking out an insurance policy . I no longer have drunk dreams , which I use to have , and I don't have cravings' , like I use to have . All of the problems that I have today have nothing to do Alcohol . I have the occasional thought of drinking , yet that twelve stepper inside of my head reminds me of the pain I went thrue to get here . Remember what I said its not easy but it is simple . That thought allone , stops me from taking the first drink . Its easier to stay sober , than what it is to get sober . The spiritual aspect of my disease is that my mind will constantly forget the pain of the mornings' after , pissing myself or praying to the porcilian god . It wants me to drink , even still , after four years of not drinking . Doing what I am sappose to do , going to meetings , talking and working with a sponsor , reading the Big Book Of Alcoholics Anonymous , Prayer and Meditation , are all reminders that I live by today .
Socially , it has been a lonely life , yet I have learned sollutions to that too . Poeple really don't want to be arround poeple that are sober , so I don't even bring recovery up . I have learned to stand on my own two feet and if the other person happens to find out . He at least had a chance to get to know me befor he judged me for it , and yes , thay do judge you for being sober . Society either hates drug addicts and alcoholics and would rather see us wiped off of the face of the Earth , or thay give us way too much simpathy and actually hurt us with kindness . Remember that we are first and foremost lyers , manipulater , with alibies' galore and we take advantage . I was so into rationalising I made excuses and I played the victim . Today I am not a victim , I overcome my difficulties' and I move on .
Befor I go any further , I must also say that what is being written , is in no way affiliated with any group , sect , religious organisation , treatment program , or anything of the likes just mentioned . This is merely the ramblings of an insane man , in recovery who couldn't keep quite . If it sounds that I am a little moody , or oversensitve about certain situations . Maybe down right negative about things that I write about , your probably right . Try to overlook the messanger though , and see the message . I hope that you enjoy the material and I also hope that if it can help just one person , then I did something good today .
Roger Hanson
Comments
Please Login to post comments| On September 29th 2007 roglol1973 Said : | |
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This is the introduction to my story about recover from alcohol and drugs. I hope that you enjoy it and if it helps someone I am even more satisfied . The other chapters are going to posted by seperate chapters at a time . My story is still in the process of being written , so any opinions or comments whatever you wish to call it would greatly be apreciated . |
