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Snow White and the Seven Dwarves
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 Created on 3-29-08
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Well, I am very sure you have read the story of ' Snow White and the Seven Dwarves ', and have burning hatred for the evil stepmother. To begin with, I am that stepmother! What a horrible stepdaughter, she was, to have insulted me! Anyway, she is not even a beautiful princess/servant like she had lied, but an evil, and ugly, witch!
She looked just like a female version of the Hunchback of Notre Dame. She had a pug nose, purple slopey eyes and an upturned lower lip that gave her a face whose only match are the gargoyles in that disney animated movie. But, not even the Hunchback would date her, for she has a heart as ugly as her face.
It all started when I married the King of Right Under Your Nose, cousin of the King of Far, Far Away. He was such a handsome man. He had chestnut coloured hair, a set of deep-set almond shaped, hazelnut coloured eyes. He also had a weird obsession with nuts that nobody could figure out why.
It was after I married him that I found out about... HIS DAUGHTER. I was just like a mother at first, giving her food, clothes, shelter and education. Then, she started becoming rebellious. That “ Prince Charming”? Oh goodness me! He had a slime-green spiked mohawk, nose and ear piercings, and a BAD ATTITUDE. Bad as in bad bad, not good bad.
One day, after giving in time after time to that horrible witch, I decided that enough is enough! Little did I know that she had actually created a beauty potion. When she came out of her room to the main palace hall, she looked much better than she had in ages. “You look no different than before, you witch,” I remarked sarcastically. She took no notice and ran out to 'The Garden of Misery'.
There, the young rogue was passing by. That rogue was that “Prince Charming”. They fell in love at first sight and then the problem began. First, she went to buy herself a black dress and “Prince Charming” went to get a black wedding suit. My husband; oh how am I to help him to be normal, was bribed with nuts, loads of them, and he gave his wishes and consent to their marriage.
“WHAT?! YOU ARE GOING TO GET MARRIED WITHOUT MY PERMISSION?! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU, YOUNG LADY! YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GET MARRIED TO THAT PUNK!” I screamed furiously. My anger was burning like a thousand suns and nothing could cool it down. But in the end, I had to give in anyway. It was about time that she stopped being my problem.
So, I gave my consent and let her be. As for the other lies, like the magic mirror, the seven dwarves and the woodsman, they did exist, except that they were serving a town named Just Around The Corner, whose Queen is the distant aunt of this country's King.
The princess there was named Charcoal Black, not Snow White. The seven dwarves are my cousins and the woodsman is my nephew. How could I have asked them to come here and help me? They have better things to do!
As for that infamous apple? It was NOT poisoned! I failed chemistry! She, being the evil that she is, cast a spell on the seven dwarves to turn them into mindless smittened slaves that turned their backs on me. Then, SOMEBODY (I will not say which-evil-who- with-an-ugly-face) took the chance and PRETENDED to be unconcious after taking a bite out of my Japanese Fuji apple (which is exceptionally juicy and delicious I might add. My silly nut-crazy husband simply refused to try it! Well, his loss), to make my disoriented cousins chase my sorry butt all the way to the ends of the earth.
So that's my story. If you still believe Snow White's version, that ugly witch, then that's YOUR problem!
She looked just like a female version of the Hunchback of Notre Dame. She had a pug nose, purple slopey eyes and an upturned lower lip that gave her a face whose only match are the gargoyles in that disney animated movie. But, not even the Hunchback would date her, for she has a heart as ugly as her face.
It all started when I married the King of Right Under Your Nose, cousin of the King of Far, Far Away. He was such a handsome man. He had chestnut coloured hair, a set of deep-set almond shaped, hazelnut coloured eyes. He also had a weird obsession with nuts that nobody could figure out why.
It was after I married him that I found out about... HIS DAUGHTER. I was just like a mother at first, giving her food, clothes, shelter and education. Then, she started becoming rebellious. That “ Prince Charming”? Oh goodness me! He had a slime-green spiked mohawk, nose and ear piercings, and a BAD ATTITUDE. Bad as in bad bad, not good bad.
One day, after giving in time after time to that horrible witch, I decided that enough is enough! Little did I know that she had actually created a beauty potion. When she came out of her room to the main palace hall, she looked much better than she had in ages. “You look no different than before, you witch,” I remarked sarcastically. She took no notice and ran out to 'The Garden of Misery'.
There, the young rogue was passing by. That rogue was that “Prince Charming”. They fell in love at first sight and then the problem began. First, she went to buy herself a black dress and “Prince Charming” went to get a black wedding suit. My husband; oh how am I to help him to be normal, was bribed with nuts, loads of them, and he gave his wishes and consent to their marriage.
“WHAT?! YOU ARE GOING TO GET MARRIED WITHOUT MY PERMISSION?! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU, YOUNG LADY! YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GET MARRIED TO THAT PUNK!” I screamed furiously. My anger was burning like a thousand suns and nothing could cool it down. But in the end, I had to give in anyway. It was about time that she stopped being my problem.
So, I gave my consent and let her be. As for the other lies, like the magic mirror, the seven dwarves and the woodsman, they did exist, except that they were serving a town named Just Around The Corner, whose Queen is the distant aunt of this country's King.
The princess there was named Charcoal Black, not Snow White. The seven dwarves are my cousins and the woodsman is my nephew. How could I have asked them to come here and help me? They have better things to do!
As for that infamous apple? It was NOT poisoned! I failed chemistry! She, being the evil that she is, cast a spell on the seven dwarves to turn them into mindless smittened slaves that turned their backs on me. Then, SOMEBODY (I will not say which-evil-who- with-an-ugly-face) took the chance and PRETENDED to be unconcious after taking a bite out of my Japanese Fuji apple (which is exceptionally juicy and delicious I might add. My silly nut-crazy husband simply refused to try it! Well, his loss), to make my disoriented cousins chase my sorry butt all the way to the ends of the earth.
So that's my story. If you still believe Snow White's version, that ugly witch, then that's YOUR problem!
Comments
Please Login to post comments| On March 30th 2008 lovehungercree Said : | |
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Ha! HA! LOL!!! This is freaking HA-larious!!! I love it. Post me if you make another one. |
