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The Last Case
Other
 Created on 1-12-08
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 Story Rating G
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Constable Ian stalked out of the office with his twin brother, who was smirking. “Look, I’m just gonna train a dog, not eat it, okay?” Training a canine was one of his worst skills. But that was a skill he required as a policeman, even though he flunked his animal training test. He passed all the rest, though. With out-of-the-world scores. Even jumping a building was easy for him, but he had no gift in animal communication. He understood them, but they all seem to hate him, like he was an outcast of all creatures. He supported animal rights, he was vegan, he helped the zoo at times… but he also knew that’s never enough. Sighing, he stepped into the room with one see-through window. Constable Patrick, his arrogant brother, watched, as Ian made his cautious approach, and gave the dog its biscuit.
The Pit-bull sniffed at the treat, wondering if he really should eat what the pale man’s offering. Then, it happened.
It looked like it accepted the piece of dog pastry, but it had a more gory plot. It ripped his hand holding the biscuit off, chewing on the bloody meat as if it were a steak. Scarlet liquid leaked out of the remains of the limb, and that, it seemed, excited the animal further. It attacked with increased ferocity, ripping out more of his right hand while he pulled it back. Furious at his defiance, the canine lunged at him, pinning the helpless man down. It maimed him, tearing at his calves, his arms, his other hand, and the claws gored the torso. The dog handler tried to pry the dog from his victim, but it merely growled to frighten the other human in the room. It continued, and searing pain was felt at his rib area, and the man outside gasped as he saw frill-like bones.
The white-stained scarlet ribs shone in the room, under the light, and Ian felt more and more pain shooting up his sides as time passed.
Another cop walked passed. He saw the man gaping, and dropped his cup of coffee on the floor, swearing, “What the fuh-” He whipped out a walkie-talkie, spoke harshly into it, screamed curses at his colleague, before entering the room and attempting to pry the dog away with three other policeman. But it wouldn’t budge, and in the end, one of them had to kill it.
Ian felt its grip on him loosened, and before unconsciousness seeped in, people in white were rushing to his aid, his vision becoming less crystal…
“Doctor! Is he going to be alright?” “He will be, but he’ll be in a very deep coma. Very deep.” The young woman didn’t know whether to be sad or relieved. The whole thing became even more confusing when a familiar-looking person arrived, and his body was quite bloody. The other people were carrying a maimed arm, and another little boy who looked shocked and frightened. “Man, even though his brother was attacked, he didn’t care, and Ian had lost a lot of blood. He could have died, but he didn’t care one bit or rush to his rescue, but cares enough to save a boy who was being attacked by a neighbourhood Doberman because he provoked it, and got his arm ripped off. What a jerk! He’s claiming all the credit for the press.” The cross-looking woman next to her agreed.
They sat next to an almost literal mummy. His eyes were shut, his soul might have been out vacationing. His body was totally wrapped in bandages, with only his face sticking out, skin almost whiter than snow; his lips distinguished by a purplish-grey. He might have died, and you wouldn’t notice, but a monitor shown his pulse and breathing rate. His brother walked past, and decided to enter with a bandaged arm. Slipping on a special suit of blue, the two other women glared sharpened axes and swords at him. “What? I saved a boy from being attacked by a Doberman, what’s so wrong with that?” “You saved a boy, and some others would have done that same thing. But did you go to your only brother’s rescue? He would have if he were you. You sicken me, Patrick. Even though I’m your sister!” “Helga, it’s not my fault he’s so bad with animals and it attacked him. I thought it was a movie.”
The door opened to reveal the same man who sort of saved his life. “You thought it was a movie?! Were you out of you mind? You were only watching him, you little shit, and you just killed that dog when we could have done something else! YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN FIRED, BUT THEY LET YOU CONTINUE BECAUSE WE ARE SHORT OF MEN! YOU’RE JUST A LITTLE SHIT, YES YOU ARE ONE!” He let all of this fly out of his mouth, hoping it would hit him like a bullet on flesh; he just wanted that blood of reality flow. But he was enraged further to learn that he was bullet-proof in that sense, and the words just ricocheted. It was just sad that he was as arrogant as a rich and stingy person.
His superintendent entered the room, holding a small badge in one of his hands, the other a small bouquet of flowers. “The flowers are from the whole of the force here, and the badge is from me.” “Oh, thanks, sir! But it was nothing, really. The little boy was-” “Not you, little shit, I’m talking about your brother.” He gave the bouquet to the two women, Helga Monstru and Caroline Ingrid.
Patrick turned his head away, ashamed he was given such embarrassment. Humiliation, in front of his sister and brother’s girlfriend, who were both angry and grieving. It didn’t take a genius to sense the rage seething through teeth, and the chance of the man to die.
Ian lain on his bed, blissfully ignorant of the tension in the air.
Several months later, on Patrick’s twenty-second birthday, Ian’s eyes fluttered opened, his thin, dry and chapped lips mouthing something. Bright light pierced his eyes for a second, then it cleared, allowing him to turn his head and gaze at his lady. Tears rolled down from both the two ladies’ eyes, as the sight touched their hearts so much. One tear dropped onto his hand, and he felt a small puddle sizzle on his skin. “Sorry, love…” “It’s… okay…” he rasped weakly. Sobs were heard, and smiles were quivering at the lips of the people in the room. Except for Patrick.
“Really?” “Yeah, and the jerk just blatantly ignored your life.” “Oh…well…” He squeezed her hand, and told her that he’ll take care of himself when he got out. “No way, dear, I’m coming with you.” He sighed, and tried to persuade her again, but even after the umpteenth time, she would not relent, so he had to agree. Smiling at his girlfriend, his eyes shut, and he fell back asleep. His sister just watch the both of them, while his brother was plotting a way to humiliate his twin.
An eagle of grey and charcoal flew overhead, and whispered to the wind, “Trouble awaits, it’ll change fate…” The invisible falcon replied solemnly, “Indeed. We’ll send him to hell, then.” Then , a flame-coloured crow screeched a hysterical squawk, and dove into the flames of grey and red. “The woman we can send to heaven.” A pure dove swirled gracefully away into the parted clouds, a smile on its beak. “Well, Monstru, if you die early, you’ll haunt your brother, but if fate is too kind, you’ll rot in hell.” A wise-looking brown coloured owl listened, but shook its head, thinking time’s and power’s words might never be true, especially when they can’t decide what he wanted to do with the monster. They can’t control Fate. Especially since God gave the dog rabies, not him. “I’m just going according to God’s plan…”
It wasn’t very steady, but he managed to get out of the place step-by-step with Caroline and Helga.
The Pit-bull sniffed at the treat, wondering if he really should eat what the pale man’s offering. Then, it happened.
It looked like it accepted the piece of dog pastry, but it had a more gory plot. It ripped his hand holding the biscuit off, chewing on the bloody meat as if it were a steak. Scarlet liquid leaked out of the remains of the limb, and that, it seemed, excited the animal further. It attacked with increased ferocity, ripping out more of his right hand while he pulled it back. Furious at his defiance, the canine lunged at him, pinning the helpless man down. It maimed him, tearing at his calves, his arms, his other hand, and the claws gored the torso. The dog handler tried to pry the dog from his victim, but it merely growled to frighten the other human in the room. It continued, and searing pain was felt at his rib area, and the man outside gasped as he saw frill-like bones.
The white-stained scarlet ribs shone in the room, under the light, and Ian felt more and more pain shooting up his sides as time passed.
Another cop walked passed. He saw the man gaping, and dropped his cup of coffee on the floor, swearing, “What the fuh-” He whipped out a walkie-talkie, spoke harshly into it, screamed curses at his colleague, before entering the room and attempting to pry the dog away with three other policeman. But it wouldn’t budge, and in the end, one of them had to kill it.
Ian felt its grip on him loosened, and before unconsciousness seeped in, people in white were rushing to his aid, his vision becoming less crystal…
“Doctor! Is he going to be alright?” “He will be, but he’ll be in a very deep coma. Very deep.” The young woman didn’t know whether to be sad or relieved. The whole thing became even more confusing when a familiar-looking person arrived, and his body was quite bloody. The other people were carrying a maimed arm, and another little boy who looked shocked and frightened. “Man, even though his brother was attacked, he didn’t care, and Ian had lost a lot of blood. He could have died, but he didn’t care one bit or rush to his rescue, but cares enough to save a boy who was being attacked by a neighbourhood Doberman because he provoked it, and got his arm ripped off. What a jerk! He’s claiming all the credit for the press.” The cross-looking woman next to her agreed.
They sat next to an almost literal mummy. His eyes were shut, his soul might have been out vacationing. His body was totally wrapped in bandages, with only his face sticking out, skin almost whiter than snow; his lips distinguished by a purplish-grey. He might have died, and you wouldn’t notice, but a monitor shown his pulse and breathing rate. His brother walked past, and decided to enter with a bandaged arm. Slipping on a special suit of blue, the two other women glared sharpened axes and swords at him. “What? I saved a boy from being attacked by a Doberman, what’s so wrong with that?” “You saved a boy, and some others would have done that same thing. But did you go to your only brother’s rescue? He would have if he were you. You sicken me, Patrick. Even though I’m your sister!” “Helga, it’s not my fault he’s so bad with animals and it attacked him. I thought it was a movie.”
The door opened to reveal the same man who sort of saved his life. “You thought it was a movie?! Were you out of you mind? You were only watching him, you little shit, and you just killed that dog when we could have done something else! YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN FIRED, BUT THEY LET YOU CONTINUE BECAUSE WE ARE SHORT OF MEN! YOU’RE JUST A LITTLE SHIT, YES YOU ARE ONE!” He let all of this fly out of his mouth, hoping it would hit him like a bullet on flesh; he just wanted that blood of reality flow. But he was enraged further to learn that he was bullet-proof in that sense, and the words just ricocheted. It was just sad that he was as arrogant as a rich and stingy person.
His superintendent entered the room, holding a small badge in one of his hands, the other a small bouquet of flowers. “The flowers are from the whole of the force here, and the badge is from me.” “Oh, thanks, sir! But it was nothing, really. The little boy was-” “Not you, little shit, I’m talking about your brother.” He gave the bouquet to the two women, Helga Monstru and Caroline Ingrid.
Patrick turned his head away, ashamed he was given such embarrassment. Humiliation, in front of his sister and brother’s girlfriend, who were both angry and grieving. It didn’t take a genius to sense the rage seething through teeth, and the chance of the man to die.
Ian lain on his bed, blissfully ignorant of the tension in the air.
Several months later, on Patrick’s twenty-second birthday, Ian’s eyes fluttered opened, his thin, dry and chapped lips mouthing something. Bright light pierced his eyes for a second, then it cleared, allowing him to turn his head and gaze at his lady. Tears rolled down from both the two ladies’ eyes, as the sight touched their hearts so much. One tear dropped onto his hand, and he felt a small puddle sizzle on his skin. “Sorry, love…” “It’s… okay…” he rasped weakly. Sobs were heard, and smiles were quivering at the lips of the people in the room. Except for Patrick.
“Really?” “Yeah, and the jerk just blatantly ignored your life.” “Oh…well…” He squeezed her hand, and told her that he’ll take care of himself when he got out. “No way, dear, I’m coming with you.” He sighed, and tried to persuade her again, but even after the umpteenth time, she would not relent, so he had to agree. Smiling at his girlfriend, his eyes shut, and he fell back asleep. His sister just watch the both of them, while his brother was plotting a way to humiliate his twin.
An eagle of grey and charcoal flew overhead, and whispered to the wind, “Trouble awaits, it’ll change fate…” The invisible falcon replied solemnly, “Indeed. We’ll send him to hell, then.” Then , a flame-coloured crow screeched a hysterical squawk, and dove into the flames of grey and red. “The woman we can send to heaven.” A pure dove swirled gracefully away into the parted clouds, a smile on its beak. “Well, Monstru, if you die early, you’ll haunt your brother, but if fate is too kind, you’ll rot in hell.” A wise-looking brown coloured owl listened, but shook its head, thinking time’s and power’s words might never be true, especially when they can’t decide what he wanted to do with the monster. They can’t control Fate. Especially since God gave the dog rabies, not him. “I’m just going according to God’s plan…”
It wasn’t very steady, but he managed to get out of the place step-by-step with Caroline and Helga.
Comments
Please Login to post comments| On February 9th 2008 popopoas Said : | |
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*rifling - sorry, typo error. |
| On February 9th 2008 popopoas Said : | |
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thanks... i will try to- I'm still rilfing through the list of publishers i can approach here in singapore! |
| On February 9th 2008 kierawruck Said : | |
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wow that is perfect... u shld get it checked out by some person who can get it published and made into a book and get it put into the bookshops.. that's how gd it is... |
| On January 14th 2008 onaipwolf Said : | |
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You do well with descriptions and you have a good use of vocabulary, but you didn't take enough time to draw out the characters. You need to slow things down just a little, make the reader care about the characters before you put him in a coma. Also, it seems strange that the dog rips his whole hand off in one bite. But it is pretty good, especially considering you wrote this when you were only twelve. Anyway, good luck. :) |
| On January 12th 2008 popopoas Said : | |
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It's part of the novel I wrote two years ago, at age 12. Please give me constructive criticism; I want to publish it perhaps in the near future. 26 chapters will be uploaded. |
