I'll Be There For You: Chapters 36 - 40

"Is that all of them?" Nikki asked as Howie drug in a big box into the living room.

"Yeah," he said breathlessly. "That's all of them."

Nikki looked around her apartment. There were boxes everywhere. "Howie, you have more stuff than I do," she said with a laugh.

"A lot of it I'll probably wind up donating to charity. I just grabbed everything I had and packed it up. I need a drink. Want something?" he asked as he walked into the kitchen.

"Just water," Nikki said as she followed him.

Howie got out two bottled waters from the fridge and sat down at the table. He took a long swig of his water and sighed. "I forgot how hard moving can be."

Nikki laughed. "Remember, this was all your idea."

"I know," Howie said with a grin.

"You're cute," she said then kissed him. "Come on lets, start getting this stuff put away.

"All right," Howie said, not really wanting to.

The two of them worked the rest of the afternoon and managed to finish more than half of the unpacking. Nikki looked down at her watch and pursed her lips.

"It's almost five. Are you getting hungry?"

"I'm starved," Howie said as he rubbed his hand on his stomach.

"You want to go to the store and get some stuff to eat? I don't have anything here."

"Yeah, I guess I could buzz down to the store. Let me shower first," he said as he headed to the bathroom. Shortly he came back out in a towel. "One of these boxes has my clothes in it," he said with a chuckle.

Nikki laughed and tossed him a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. "I'd already started unpacking your clothes while you were in the shower."

"Thanks," he said as he got dressed. "Okay, well I'm going to the store," he said as he walked out of the bedroom.

"Wait! You'll need a key," Nikki said as she handed it to him. "I had one made for you since you're going to be my new roomie," she said with a smile.

"Thanks," he said as he took the key. "I'll be back soon."

While Howie was gone, Nikki continued getting out Howie's clothes from the boxes and putting them in her closet. At the bottom of the box, she found a bunch of memorabilia’s that Howie had kept of the two of the together. There were tons of pictures of them hugging and holding hands from the age of two on up. Nikki smiled as she flipped through the pictures. A laughed escaped from her mouth when she saw the picture of them covered in whip cream. It was on her sweet sixteen. Howie had thrown her a surprise party and all her friends were there. They all sprayed whip cream over her and Howie that night. She chuckled to herself and she remembered the details from that night. Nikki set the pictures aside and looked in the box some more. There were copies of all of BSB's albums and singles left in the original wrappers and in mint condition. Howie's scrapbook of all of his favorite BSB memories. Nikki laughed at how thick it was. He had been keeping up with everything since day one of the Backstreet Boys. She looked in the box some more. She found the letters she had written him while he was away on tour and more pictures. Nikki loved the way Howie was sentimental about everything. It was one of her favorite things about him. She was almost done looking through the box when she heard the front door open and shut. Nikki stretched her muscles and went into the kitchen to find Howie putting away the groceries.

"Wow you got a lot of stuff," she said while looking at all the bags.

"Well, I went ahead and got a lot of stuff. It saves us from getting it later," he said as he picked up a bag. "Stay here and put the groceries away. I'll be right back."

"What are you up to?" Nikki eyed him suspiciously.

"It's a surprise. Just stay in the kitchen."

"Okay," she said as she watched Howie disappear in her room. She laughed and began putting away the groceries. Shortly, Howie came back into the kitchen and grabbed her hand.

"Now you sit in the living room and relax while I fix us dinner."

Nikki sat down on the couch and grinned at Howie. "Yes, sir," she joked.

Howie went back into the kitchen and cooked their dinner. When he finished he led Nikki to the kitchen table where a candle light dinner was prepared. There was fettaccuni alfredo with chicken, bread sticks, and a salad.

"Dinner is served," Howie said as she pulled out her chair.

"Wow this is really nice," Nikki said as she sat down.

"I wanted our first dinner as roommates to be special," Howie said as he took a seat across from her. "Eat up, there's more to come later."

Howie and Nikki enjoyed their dinner together. When they were finished, Howie picked up the dishes and placed them in the dish washer.

"Okay, now for the fun part. Come with me my lady," he said as he held out his hand.

Nikki took his hand and followed him to her bedroom. He opened the door to her bathroom and led her inside. There were candles all over the room ready to be lit. Rose petals were spread across the bathroom floor and a bottle of champagne with two goblets sat at the end of the bathtub.

"Oh, my gosh, Howie, this is too much," Nikki said with a smile.

"The fun's just beginning," he said as he lit the candles and turned off the light. "Do you know what tonight is?" Nikki thought a moment and slowly shook her head. "It's the anniversary of the night we first kissed."

Nikki laughed nervously. "Howie, that was a long time ago."

"I know....but I'll never forget that day for as long as I live," he said then kissed her.

"Howie, you're so sweet."

Howie smiled and turned on the radio. Soft music began to fill the room as he ran hot water into the tub and poured in the bubbles. He stared intently into her eyes and kissed her lightly on the lips. His breath lingered on her cheek as he trailed his kisses down her neck and undid her shirt. They're lips never parted as they stripped off each other's clothes. Howie stopped kissing her and led her into the bathtub. Nikki settled herself in his arms and sighed.

"This is nice," she murmured as Howie softly massaged her back.

"This couldn't be more perfect," he said as he planted kisses on her bare shoulders.

They enjoyed each other's company in the bathtub until the water began to get cold. They then got out, dried off, and got into their pajamas. Nikki climbed into bed and laid her head down on her cotton soft pillow.

"I feel so relaxed," she murmured.

"Me too," Howie said as he got into the bed and wrapped his arms around her. "You know I'm really glad we decided to live together. This is going to be great. I can already tell."

"Mmmm yeah," Nikki said with a yawn.

"Being together like this makes me happy. Doesn't it make you happy?" There was no answer. "Nikki?"

“Hmm?“ she murmured.

“You didn’t hear me, did you?“

Nikki yawned. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m just so tired,“ she said between yawns.

She looked up at Howie and smiled. He reached down and kissed her. Nikki sighed and snuggled close to him.

“Te amo, mi amor,” he whispered in her ear.

Nikki smiled and squeezed his hand. “I love you too,” she whispered and drifted off to sleep.

Kevin woke up to the bright morning sun peeking through the curtains in his room. He rolled over to see Sarah still fast asleep. Kevin carefully pulled the covers back over her and crept out of bed to make breakfast. He had just finished frying the bacon when he heard Sarah come into the kitchen.

"Good morning, beautiful," he said as he set a plate down at the table and sat down. "Want some breakfast?"

"Ugh, no food. I don't even wanna look at that stuff right now," Sarah said as she laid her head on the table.

"Morning sickness?"

Sarah nodded. "It's such a wonderful thing."

"It'll pass," Kevin said with a smile.

"Soon, I hope," Sarah muttered. "I'm going to go get ready. I've got a ton of things to do today."

"Like what?" Kevin asked, while taking a bite from his bacon.

"Well, I have my doctor's appointment at noon. Kristin wants me to join her and Amanda on their daily walks and lamaze classes. It helps me get prepared for the baby."

"You don't want me to be your coach for lamaze?" he said, sounding hurt.

"Kevin, you know I love you and all, but I just think I'd be more comfortable with another woman at my side. Besides, with your busy schedule who knows if you'll be around when I go into labor. And with Kristin being in the medical field, she's perfect for the position."

"I guess," Kevin mumbled.

Sarah snickered and kissed Kevin on the cheek. "I'm going to get ready and go to my doctor's appointment."

"Can I come?"

"To my doctor's appointment?"

"Yeah, I wanna come. Can I?"

Sarah smiled in delight. "Of course you can come."

"Good," he said.

"I'll be out of the shower in a few minutes then you can take one."

"All right," Kevin said then kissed her.

Kevin finished his breakfast and put away the dishes while Sarah was in the shower. When she was finished, Kevin got into the shower then got dressed for the doctor's appointment. When they were both ready to go, they got into Kevin's car and headed out to the doctor's office. They waited in the waiting patiently for the nurse to call out Sarah's name. Kevin nervously picked up a magazine and flipped through it. He was bobbing his leg up and down when he felt Sarah set her hand on it.

"Honey, why are you so nervous? It's just a doctor's appointment."

"Sorry I get nervous around doctors. Plus, with this being my first child I don't know what to expect."

Sarah smiled and kissed him. "Relax."

"I'll try," he said as he went back to his magazine.

"Miss Putman?" a nurse called.

"That's me!" Kevin said as he jumped up. "I mean her.....sorry," he blushed.

Sarah laughed. "Don't mind him. He's a little high strung this morning."

"First child?" the nurse asked with a smile. Both Kevin and Sarah nodded. "Happens to all the fathers. Come with me," she said as she opened the door. Sarah and Kevin followed her down the hall to a small room. "Wait right here and the doctor will be right with you."

Sarah sat down on the table while Kevin sat in the chair by the wall. He looked around the room at all the equipment.

"Wow, lots of neat stuff in here," he said as he knocked over a metal pan. "Whoops." He looked over at Sarah who was holding in her laughter.

"Kevin, sit still and be quiet."

Kevin did as he told then the doctor stepped in the room.

"Good afternoon, Miss Putman, I'm Dr. Stewert. I'll be your doctor."

"Nice to meet you, Dr. Stewert. This is my boyfriend, Kevin Richardson," she said while gesturing to him.

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Richardson. How have you been feeling, Miss Putman?"

"She's been great," Kevin answered.

The doctor eyed Kevin and nodded. "Uh huh, I see. Have you've been having attacks of morning sickness?"

"Oh, yeah, lots of morning sickness," Kevin answered again.

"All right," Dr. Stewert said as he looked down at his clipboard.

"It says here you're about two months along is that correct?"

"Yeah that's right! Only seven months to go," Kevin beamed.

Dr. Stewert smiled and glanced over at Kevin. "Mr. Richardson, who is having this baby? You or her?"

"Her of course."

"Then I suggest maybe you let Miss Putman speak for herself."

"Oh...sorry," Kevin said, a little embarrassed.

Dr. Stewert laughed. "Don't be embarrassed, Mr. Richardson. It happens all the time. This is your first child, it's perfectly normal to be a little nervous. But I assure you the whole purpose of these appointments are to see that your child is living and healthy."

"Thank you, Dr. Stewert," Kevin replied.

"Well, now lets get this started. We're going to do an ultrasound. You'll be able to hear the baby's heartbeat. It may be too soon to actually see the baby, but we'll take a look."
Sarah laid down on the table and lifted up her shirt as the doctor rubbed a clear gel on her stomach. Kevin got up and walked over to them.

"Does....does that hurt her?"

"Not at all. It's just a little cold and it tickles. It doesn't hurt her at all. You see this little dot right here?" Dr. Stewert said as he pointed to the monitor. "That's your baby."

"Oh wow.....that's so amazing," Kevin said astonished. "That my baby," he said with misty eyes. Kevin looked down at Sarah and held her hand. "It's my baby," he whispered and kissed her brow.

When the appointment was over, Sarah picked up the vitamins the doctor had prescribed to her and got into Kevin's car. On the way home, Kevin was silent, but smiled as he drove. Sarah laughed and linked her fingers with his.

"Look at you, you're giddy."

"I know, I'm so psyched," he said as he pulled into their driveway.

The two of them got out and went inside the house. Sarah walked into the living room and laid on the couch.

"Ugh, being pregnant makes me so sleepy," she said as she shut her eyes.

Kevin smiled and kneeled down in front of her. He kissed her gently on the lips. "Thank you," he said quietly.

"For what?"

"For letting me go. It was a wonderful experience."

Sarah smiled and kissed him on the lips. "It was a good experience for me too."

"Seven more months," Kevin whispered as he tucked her hair behind her ear.

"Seven more months," Sarah replied then kissed him.

Kristin sat on the couch with Nick at her apartment eating a box of chocolates.

"So, what do you wanna do today? It's nice outside," Kristin asked as she pulled out another chocolate.

"I dunno, I'm kind in a lazy mood today," Nick replied the bit into his chocolate. "Ew, dark chocolate," he said as he made a face and put the chocolate down.

Kristin laughed. "Well, we gotta do something. We can't just sit on the couch all day. What's the fun in that?"

Nick glanced over at Kristin and grinned. "I can make it fun," he said as he leaned over to her and kissed her. He parted her lips with his tongue and gently slid it in her mouth.

"Mmmm," Kristin moaned as Nick parted from her.

Kristin seductively stared at Nick and began to kiss him passionately. Nick rubbed his hand down her silky smooth thigh and drank in her kisses. He slowly slid his hand up Kristin shirt and placed his hand on her breast. Kristin wiggled away from Nick and sat up.

"Whoa, okay ,we better stop."
"I can't stop. You've got me horny now. Come on, baby," Nick whined.

Kristin laughed and kissed Nick. "Baby, we're not the only ones in this apartment remember. Rach is in her room."

"So, we can go in your room," Nick urged.

"Nick, honey, I don't think I would want to have sex with my best friend one room away. That would be a little weird."

"Okay....my house?" he said with a smirk.

Kristin snickered. "Nick, give it up."

"Aw, man! Don't tease me like that. I hate it when you do that."

"Do what?" Kristin said innocently.

"Nevermind," Nick muttered.

"Aww, come on. A little teasing isn't going to kill you," she said as she placed her arms around his waist. "Besides, there will be bigger and better things to come later."

"Is that a promise?"

"You bet it is."

"I can handle that," he said with a smile.

"Oh, I almost forgot!"

"What?"

"Amanda called earlier and she said A.J. wanted everyone come over for a big cook out. He's inviting everyone. Do you wanna go?"

"Yeah, it should be fun. What time is everyone going over there?"

"Amanda said we should come over around 6:30, but we can come whenever we're ready."

Nick glanced at his watch and stood up. "Okay, well I'm going back to my place to get changed. I'll be back here around six to pick you up."

"Sounds good to me," Kristin said as she walked wit Nick out to his car.

"I'll see you later," Nick said as he got in his car.

"Okay," Kristin said then kissed him good-bye.

Kristin walked back to the apartment and went to her room. On her way there, she passed Rachel's room who had her door closed. She could hear the sound of Mandy Moore blaring from her stereo. Kristin knocked on the door.

"It's open," Rachel said. Kristin walked in to see Rachel sitting on her bed, flipping through a magazine. Rachel reached over and turned down her stereo. "What's up?"

"Nothing," Kristin said as she sat on Rachel's bed,

"Did Nick leave?"

"Yeah, he went home to get ready for the cookout at A.J.'s. He's coming to pick me up later. Are you going?"

"I dunno," Rachel answered as she nonchalantly picked at a piece of fuzz on her shirt.

"You mean, you haven't talked about it with Brian?"

"No, not really."

"Rach, are you still upset about the whole thing with Brian bringing up your mom?"

"No, I'm not upset at Brian for bringing her up. I'm just upset that it has to be this way. And I'm really ashamed of the way it is."

Kristin hugged Rachel. "Rach, I don't know how many times I have to tell you this. None of this is your fault. You've tried everything you can to patch up things with your mom and she never gives anything back. It's her fault, not yours."

"I know, but it's just so frustrating."

"Hon, I know you're frustrated but you can't beat yourself up like this. You're turning yourself away from the people who love you the most."

"You're right," Rachel said softly then looked up at Kristin. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, don't be sorry. I know this is hard on you."

"So, what should I do now?"

"Well, for starters get off this bed and get in the shower. Then call Brian up and let him know you want to go to the cook out at A.J.'s. Once you get there, you socialize and have fun. Forget all this crap about your mom. You need to keep the more positive things in your head. It makes life a whole lot simpler."

Rachel smiled and hugged Kristin. "Thanks, Kris."

"No problem," Kristin replied. "I'm going to go get ready. I'll see you at the barbeque," she said then disappeared into her room.

"A.J., where did you put the potato salad?" Amanda asked as she looked in the refrigerator.

"It's already sitting outside with the rest of the food," A.J. yelled from the back porch.

"Okay," Amanda yelled back as she drug out the soda cans. She brought them outside onto the porch where A.J. was firing up the grill. "Honey, do us all a favor and don't burn your eyebrows off this time," she teased.

"Geez, a man turns his eyebrows to ashes one time and he never lives it down," he said with a grin.

Amanda snickered and kissed him. "Just don't burn the food."

"Yes, ma'am," A.J. said with a smile.

Amanda rolled her eyes and went back into the kitchen. She put the rest of the food out on the table. "A.J., I'm going to go put on my swim suit. Can you get the door if anyone comes?"

"Yeah, go right ahead," he said then kissed her.

"Be right back," she said as she walked back into the house and went upstairs to their room. She dug through the dresser and got out her black maternity swim suit. She put her shorts back on over it. She glanced at herself in the mirror and sighed. Blowing off her thoughts, she made her way back downstairs. The doorbell rang when she reached the bottom of the steps.

"I'll get it!" she yelled. She opened the door to find Nikki and Howie standing there. "Hey, girlie!" Amanda exclaimed as she threw her arms around her.

"Hey, Amanda," Nikki said happily.

"Come on in, guys. A.J.'s in the back making the burgers."

Howie laughed. "I better get back there and make sure he doesn't turn himself to charcoal again."

Nikki laughed. "Come on, I'll help you in the kitchen."

"Good, I still have to get out the plates and cups., and, of course, the desserts," Amanda said while rushing around.

"Whoa, girl, you better slow down. Don't put too much stress on the baby. Here, let me take that," she said as she took the plates from her hands.

"Thanks," Amanda mumbled. Just then, the doorbell rang again. "I'll get that," Amanda said as she left the kitchen. Outside the door was Kevin and Sarah. "Hey guys! Come on in," she said.

The burgers were almost done by the time Nick, Kristin, Brian, and Rachel arrived. Everyone was in the pool having fun when they went to the back porch.

"Hey, guys! Come join the fun," Howie said from the pool.

"You bet!" Nick exclaimed as he took off his shirt and jumped in the pool.

Everyone else joined him as Amanda was setting up the table. When she was done she came up behind A.J. and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Smells good," she said with a smile.

A.J. smiled back. "Thank you., and I didn't burn my eyebrows off."

Amanda laughed. "Good for you," she said.

A.J. took the burgers off the grill and put them on a plate. "Burgers are ready!" he shouted.

Everyone quickly got out of the pool and dug into the food. When everyone finished, they sat around and talked. It was getting dark so Amanda got up and lit up the lanterns. After she had them all lit, she took a seat next to A.J.

"Does anyone want dessert?" she asked.

"I do!" Nick said.

"Me too," Kristin said.

"Me three," AJ said with a laugh.

Amanda smiled and shook her head. "Okay, I'll go get the desserts." She went into the kitchen to get the desserts. Amanda was cutting up the cake into smalls pieces when she felt A.J.'s strong arms wrap around her waist. "AJ what are you doing?"

"Just lovin on my girl," he said then kissed her neck.

"Okay," Amanda said softly.

"All right, what's wrong. You've been down in the dumps all day."

"Nothing's wrong," she said as she violently began to cut the cake.

A.J. placed his hand on top of hers. "Then why are you killing the cake?"

"Nevermind," she muttered as tears began to well up in her eyes.

"Baby, please talk to me. You're making me worry. Was it something I did?"

"No, you're great. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Something one of the others did?"

"No, nobody did anything," Amanda said as a single tear fell down her cheek. "Don't worry about me I'm fine," she said with her hands shaking. "Just go back outside."

"But--"

"A.J., please!" she said in full tears. A.J. stared at her in bewilderment but didn't move. Amanda wiped the tears from her face and drew in a deep breath. "I'm sorry," she said in almost a whisper.

"It's okay," A.J. assured as he moved closer to her. Amanda walked over to him and placed her arms around him. She buried her head in his chest and sighed. "Maybe we should ask everyone to go on home. Then maybe later we can talk."

"No, I don't want to ruin anyone's fun. I'll just put up a front and move on," she said as she grabbed the cake and went back on the porch.

"Hey, what took you so long?" Nick asked as he grabbed a piece and put it on his plate.

"I had to cut it up," Amanda said with a fake smile. She sat down at the table and noticed A.J. staring at her from the doorway at the corner of her eye. Amanda blew it off and continued her conversation with her friends. "So, what does everyone have planned while on break?"

"Kevin and I are going to Lexington over Christmas, but I think that's about it," Sarah said.

"Same here," Brian replied.

"I don't think Nick and I are going anywhere. Although, it would be fun to take a little mini vacation," Kristin hinted.

Nick smiled. "You never know, I'm full of surprises."

"You're not going anywhere, Amanda?" Howie asked.

Amanda shook her head. "I'm too close to labor. A.J. doesn't really think it's safe to go anywhere. Maybe after I have the baby, we can," she said while rubbing her stomach.

"That's probably a good idea," Kristin replied.

Kevin glanced at his watched and yawned. "Well, it's getting late. I think we better head on home," he said to Sarah. "Thanks for inviting us over guys. It was fun."

"No problem," Amanda said with a smile.

"We better get going too," Brian said. "I think someone's tired," he remarked as he looked over at Rachel who was leaning on his shoulder.

"Us too," Nick said. "We'll see you guys later."

"Bye," Amanda and A.J. said as everyone left.

"I hate to say it, but it is getting kind of late," Howie said with a yawn.

"Okay," Amanda said as she stood up and picked up the dishes from the table.

"Here, let us help you with that before we leave," Nikki said as she picked up a plate.

"No, it's okay. You guys go on ahead. I can get this," Amanda insisted.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, you guys go on home."

"Okay, well, I'll call you tomorrow we'll go have lunch or something."

"Sounds good," Amanda replied as she gave Nikki a hug.

When Howie and Nikki had left, Amanda went into the kitchen and placed the dishes in the dishwasher. She looked around, but A.J. was no where to be found. Not really thinking much of it, she started the dishwasher and went back outside. Amanda sat at the edge of the pool and stuck her feet in the water. She was lost in her thoughts when she saw a shadow cast over her. Amanda looked up to see A.J. there.

"Are you ready to talk?" he asked as he sat down next to her.

"No," Amanda mumbled.

"Fine," A.J. replied as he lit a cigarette.

Amanda rolled her eyes and pulled the cigarette from his mouth. "I really wish you'd stop that shit," she said as she threw it on the ground.

"I'll smoke if I want to," A.J. snapped.

"Excuse me!?!"

"What? You bitch at me, I'll bitch at you."

"Alexander James McLean why are you being such an asshole!"

"I'm not being an asshole I'm just trying to get you to talk to me. I want to know what's going on with you and I want to be able to help."

"Well, maybe I don't want your help," Amanda said in a huffy tone as she stood up and walked back into the house.

"You know I don't understand this. Why are you being so cold to me? What did I ever do to you?" he continued as he followed her.

"What did you ever do to me? Just look at me for Christ's sake! I'm a fucking blimp! This is all your fault."

"My fault? Excuse me it takes two to have a child. You can't blame this all on me all right? Besides, I thought you wanted this baby."

"Well, maybe I don't wanna have this stupid baby anymore. Maybe I want to make my own decisions for once. Maybe....just maybe I want to do things my way and nobody else's."

A.J. stared at Amanda in confusion. "Is this about the nursery? Because if it is, I can have it changed."

"No, it's not about that stupid nursery!"

"Then what is it about Amanda. Talk to me, please. I really want to know."

"I just....I....," she let out a sigh. "Never mind, you wouldn't understand."

"Fine, whatever you want," A.J. said as he grabbed his jacket.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to stay the night at my mom's. Call me when you've cool down. Then maybe we can have this discussion in a reasonable manner," he said in an irritable tone and slammed the door.

Amanda watched him walk out of the house. He lit another cigarette and got into his car. She watched him as he sped out of the driveway and disappeared into the dark night.
Amanda stepped away from the window and sobbed.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered then went to her room in tears.

Rachel was laying on a lawn chair out on the balcony of her apartment listening to music. The sun beat down on her skin as the sound of Brian McKnight's voice soothed her. Rachel was so relaxed that she didn't notice Brian come out to the balcony. She was startled when she finally saw him.

"Brian, what are you doing here? I thought you had to go to a meeting."

"It was a short meeting," he said as he settled himself on the chair next to her. "Kris told me you were out here. I figured you'd be out shopping or something. You don't usually stay home for long during the day."

"I know, but I didn't feel like going anywhere today," Rachel replied as she shut off her CD player and took off her headphones.

"Rach, you've been lounging around this apartment for days. What's going on? This isn't like you."

"Nothing's going on. I just don't feel like going anywhere." Rachel glanced over at Brian who was giving her a suspicious look. "You don't believe me, do you?"

"Not even slightly."

Rachel sighed. "What do I have to do to get you to leave me alone about this?"

"Just talk to me."

"Brian it wouldn't do any good. You wouldn't understand."

"See, something is bothering you. I knew it. So what if you think I wouldn't understand. You'll feel much better if you have about it. Come on," he said as he grabbed her hand.

"Where are we going?"

"To my place so we can talk."

Rachel sighed and stood up. "Fine, let me get changed out of this swim suit," she said as she headed to her room.

After she changed, she went with Brian to his place. Once they got there, she sat on the couch with him. Brian intently waited for her to speak.

"I'm ready when you are," he said.

Rachel drew in a breath and began her story. "Okay, the reason why I've been upset these past few days is because I've been thinking a lot about my mom."

"What about your mom?"

"I just don't understand what has happened to her. I mean she wasn't always like she is now."

"How does she act now?"

"Well, now she seems to only care about herself. She's always too busy with her bar hopping friends and her men to care about what I'm doing. I mean, she knew I was having surgery but did she come see me? Of course not. She didn't even call. She knew my number here, she has Kris' cell phone number, and I gave her my pager number. Does she even attempt to contact me? I don't think so."

"When did all this start?"

"Well, she's always been a little self centered, but not this bad. I think after she and my dad got divorced is when she got this way," Rachel said tearfully. "As soon as they agreed on the divorce, he moved out and she started going to the bars and picking up men. She was drinking, sleeping around, and coming home at ungodly hours of the night. Soon things got even worse. She refused to work so I had to work 40 hours a week and try to graduate high school. The money I was bringing in wasn't enough because she kept spending it on her bar hopping. Every time I turned around she was trying to change me. It's like she hated me for not being like her. It was like she was so insecure with her own self she wanted to drag me down with her. Everything I did was always wrong. I didn’t dress right, I didn’t wear enough make up, my clothes were too flashy. Nothing was ever good enough. It was always, ‘You’ll never get a man looking like that.‘ or, ‘You’re a smart girl, you should making straight A’s in school, not B’s.‘ The divorce was so hard on me and it was the time that I needed her the most....and it was almost like she abandoned me. I mean, I would talk to Kristin about everything that was going on at home, but she lived in Chicago at the time and the Internet chats with her sometimes wasn't enough to fill in that empty hole in my heart that my mom had caused., but I guess something is better than nothing." Rachel looked over at Brian who looked shocked. "Brian?" she whispered.

"Rach, I'm so so sorry," Brian said gently.

"For what? You didn't do anything."

"Yes, I did. I put so much pressure on you to tell me about your mom., and I feel really guilty for trying to get you to go see her."

"Brian, you don't need to be sorry."

Brian held up his hand to interrupt. "You know what? You don't need her. You've got me. You've got Kris, the guys, my parents love you like their own, and everyone else loves you too. You don't need your mom., and I promise that I will never hurt you like that. I won't ever bring her up again." Brian reached over and ran his fingers through Rachel's shoulder length brown hair. "I don't know how anyone could hurt you like she has. You don't deserve any of that." Rachel smiled through her tears. "I love you, Rach. You know that, right?"

Rachel nodded. "Yes....I do. I love you too."

Brian wiped the tears off her cheeks and kissed her. "I don't care what it takes...I'm going to take that hurt away from your eyes. Even if it takes forever."

"You too good to me," Rachel said with a smile.

"It gets better," Brian said quietly as he stood up.

"Oh really?"

"Yes...really," he replied as he lifted her up and carried her upstairs to his room and shut the door.

They made love for the rest of the night. Rachel had never felt more loved in her entire life. She was astonished of how deeply she could feel for someone. Just when she thought true love didn’t exist…Brian had swept her off her feet. She collapsed onto Brian and breathlessly looked him in the eyes. He smiled and kissed her passionately. Rachel’s body tingled and her stomach fluttered. She had spent a lifetime not knowing what love was…and now she knew.