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A New Outlook |
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My heart beats for him... |
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S.N.A.F.U (Situation Normal All Fucked Up) |
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My heart beats for him...
Tragedy
 Created on 2-20-07
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 Story Rating G
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“It’s better to have love and lost than to have never have loved at all.” The day that He died was the day I began to question this absurd cliché.
I met Him when I was a toddler. We would sit together while His mom brushed red polish onto my mom’s fingernails. Our mother’s became best friends, as did we. We grew together. They would murmur and laugh and we would pull each others hair, scream and chase each other. He was sick his whole life. He had to pop meds like an addict, and every day He would lie across my lap as I gave him his treatment. I would beat his back uncomfortably hard and he would cough, but I knew it helped, and I enjoyed our time together.
The day our fingers intertwined the first time, was the day I knew our relationship had graduated from friends to something more. He had always made my heart flutter, my mood lighter, and, as much as I hated it, He could always make me smile. What we felt for one another was genuine, and I knew it was something unique. The first time our lips met for the perfect first kiss, and the first time we whispered “I love you,” was the beginning of the end.
He moved to get away from an abusive step father, and decided that He wanted to take a break from the relationship for fear that the distance would hurt it. We still managed to talk almost every day. Then suddenly the calls stopped. We hadn’t talked for months, and then unexpectedly my phone rings. I was with my best friend and I answered, irritated that it had been so long. I questioned him immediately, laying on the guilt trip as thick as I could. (We females are fantastic at this one) “Well, it has been a really long time….I am glad you FINALLY decided to pick up a phone and call me…” you get the idea. Basically, I was a complete bitch. That is, until I let Him talk. He told me that He missed me and couldn’t wait to see me again. He told me that he loved me, always had, and always will. I told Him I felt the same and that I was so happy that He was a part of my life.
Three days later I got another phone call saying He was in the hospital. He had been hit by a car walking home from work and He was on life support. The doctors didn’t expect Him to live. My mother rushed me to the hospital where I spent the next four days. They decided to take Him off life support, and let Him go, on the fifth day and I was told to say my goodbyes. I stood at his bedside. I put my hand in his one last time and fought back tears. I don’t know why, but I wouldn’t let myself cry; not then, not in front of Him. I kissed His cheek and told Him that I would never forget Him and the way He changed my life.
The day He died, I sat and thought and I continue to think today; was it better that we had loved and lost? Would I still lie in bed, numb to my own world? Would I still drag my fingernails up and down my shins, until the skin is red and swollen just to keep from cutting myself again? Was writing the letter and taking the pills worth it? To put it simply, Yes.
Comments
Please Login to post comments| On June 17th 2007 Alexaluvshim Said : | |
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...good story sorry for you loss |
| On May 1st 2007 stardivalcv Said : | |
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I feel for you, I lost my fiance in a car acciedent a year ago, I lived and he didnt make it, I didnt even get to say goodbye or one last I Love you so, Keep your head up and know you have a beautiful angel guiding you right now. What better angel to have then the one that loved you the most!!!! |
| On February 20th 2007 jdw3443 Said : | |
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I think your a very strong person. nice story. Good luck. |
