Suspended Passion

The sun was shining through my bubblegum pink curtains as they danced in the breeze. There was the smell of the ocean in the air as the birds sang to the day up in the large oak tree beside my window. As I removed my purple and white polka dot sheets from my face, I licked my lips to taste the sea salt. Today would be great. My legs were caught up in the sheet as a mermaid were entangled in a fisher man's net. I lay there another minute, evaluating in my head the best way to break my legs free. A few twists of the sheet with my hands and kicks of my feet later, I was a free girl. I collected my satin mauve comforter that I had kicked to the floor during the night, throwing it up over my bed like a blanket for a picnic, letting the edges fall from my grasp. Sounds of my parents arguing in the kitchen broke my concentration of what I would wear for the day. As I shoved my giraffe slippers on my tiny feet, I sat at the edge of my bed, hands folded in my lap, waiting. Listening. Finally, I got up from my security seat, reached for my bedroom door handle, and turned it slowly. As I opened the door, my father quickly walked passed without saying a thing. Within the following seconds, I heard the front door slam and the pictures on the walls shake. Closing my bedroom door behind me, I made my way toward the bathroom. The four feet down the hall it took me, was empty noise. I entered the blue tiled bathroom then quickly turned to shut and lock the door. The silver knobs sticking out from the wall were glistening from the sunlight which streamed through the tiny window. I turned each one accordingly, until I was satisfied with the assumed temperature, then hit the large button on the faucet. A "clunk" later, the water flowed from the shower head and beat against the white tub floor. I saw a tiny rainbow through the water showering down and it made me smile. I removed my blue flower shorts, leaving them settle in the nearest corner. Upon losing those, I raised my arms, crossing them infront of my face, and removed my pink and white striped tank top over my head, letting it fall from my right hand near the shorts. Cautious not to slip in as my form of entry into the lovely shower, I first put my left foot into the tub with the rest of me following quickly. The water was a bit hot, and my skin was steaming from it, as the water made its way from my dark chocolate colored hair, down my closed eyes and lips, to my bare neck. It flowed down my chest, hugging my curves, falling down my stomach then my thighs and calves, spilling out upon reaching my feet. I obtained the shampoo and conditioner bottles from their corner of the white tub, popped them both open, and squirted the shampoo into my left pam twice. I put the bottle back in its place while I massaged the pink plumeria shampoo into my hair. Bubbles were carried down my body by the water and fell down the dark drain. Once the bubbles' existence had ceased, I squeezed a quarter sized amount of the conditioner into my left palm and took only the bottom portion of my hair and combed it through with my fingers. The yellow lufa was beckoning and I answered its request. With three sprays from the coconut, milk, and honey bodywash, the bubbles came with a vengeance. I began at my face and made my way to my feet, exfoliating every inch of my golden, sun-kissed skin along the way. Realizing the conditioner was still sitting in my hair, I eased into the smoldering water and rinsed my body completely. Satisfied with the rinse, I turned the knobs accordingly to kill the water flow. The pale pink and sea foam green towels, which hung on the wrack next the tub, were waiting for me to use them. The pink towel made its use as my hair wrap which sat, twisted, ontop of my head. The green towel made itself useful as I dried myself then wrapped it around my body. I felt like a pig in a blanket, except, the dough was the towel and it wasn't large enough.

I entered my bedroom with haste, shut and locked the door behind me. I knew what I would wear without a second thought, so I opened the closet door and retrieved my sundress from the hanger. After 12 minutes, I was almost ready for the day. I brushed my brown hair back into a pony tail and secured with a yellow rose hair tie. My sundress, decorated with a yellow silk wrap just under the bust, went well with the nude wedge sandals I was wearing. I applied a single coat of black mascara onto my short eyelashes to enhance them, followed by a single line of black eyeliner on the lower eyelashes. With a quick 'whish' of the "mystic pink" lip gloss, I was ready to go face the day.

The boardwalk was packed full of locals and tourists. I found my friends at the edge of the first pier, waiting for me. We spent the entire day watching the people, eating funnel cakes, cheese fries in the buckets, and the rediculous slices of New Jersey pizza. The rides were a blast, although we had all been raised on them. Bumper cars was were we could all get wreckless and not have to explain it to our parents why there were scratches and dents all over a vehicle. We threw a few baseballs to see who could throw the fastest. One of my friends won a stuffed zebra, but he gave it to a younger girl who had been standing there, watching us all the entire time. She smiled up at him and thanked him politely. We each took our turns 'shooting the geek' and all came out empty handed. Walking the boards was our way of hanging out, relaxing, and enjoying eachother's company. It was our life. Dusk was upon us as we made our way to the kareoke bar near the end of the boardwalk. We had to collect chairs and attach tables together because there were so many of us. Nobody seemed to mind us asking for the empty chair beside them. One gentleman even helped carry it over to our table. How generous. We enjoyed watching the drunken men and women stumbling around on the small wooden stage, dropping the microphone, screeching out their own version of the songs and making up words they just couldn't remember. We were being entertained by those who would jump at the chance to look like a jack ass for at least 3 minutes of their lives, and my friends and I-we loved it.

The time had passed quickly and before we knew it, half passed the midnight hour had made it's face known on our cell phones and watches. My friend who had won the stuffed zebra stood up and dropped a twenty dollar bill from his hands as he announced: "Guys, I gotta get outta here. I got work in the morning, unlike some of yous." His large smile flooded the table as his sarcastic joke registered in those he spoke of's heads. "So, goodnight, goodbye." He gazed at me for a second, one that seemed to be five, and with a wink of his left eye, he turned and walked away.

"Yeah, guys. I should get going, too. My mom's got me helping her run errands and shit tomorrow. Sorry guys. Enjoy the drunken people without me. See ya's all later on, k?" I placed my twenty dollar bill beside my pepsi glass, gave hugs and kisses on the cheeks of those nearest me, and made my way toward the door. I heard a few more of my friends behind me saying their parting speeches. Once back on the boardwalk, I looked for my loner friend. "Where'd he go?" I mumbled to myself as I tried to get a better view of those further down the boards. As I took my first step forward, I felt hands from behind me rest on both my hips. I quickly turned around, with my right hand balled up into a fist. I saw the face of my mystery accompaniment, and released the sense of defense. I rolled my eyes and smiled as my friend smiled back. He looked at me and commented, "Wow, calm down. I swear, I'm not gunna hurtchya. Damn. You need to just calm down, Catalina. I think you've got some issues in your life." He laughed at his own sarcasm, as I stuck my tongue out at him. His smile faded away and his tone was more serious, "You want me to give ya a ride home? It's not like I don't know where you live, ya know, Cat?" We began walking insync down the boards, headed to the sea of cars. I looked up at him as he looked at me from the corner of his eye.

"Did you have something you wanted to say to me, PJ? Because, you don't need me to pry it out of you, right?" I joked. He looked over his left shoulder and down into my eyes. I felt his left hand grab my right wrist and his fingers found a halted place between my own. He gave me a nervous smile as he raised our clasped hands to his mouth and he kissed my hand. I could not help but smile. He twirled his head up toward the starry sky and laughed at them. "You know Cat, you are so adorable sometimes?" I smiled and looked at the boards, watching them pass behind my feet.

"Why did you really want to drive me home?" I inquired. His pace slowed slightly and I heard him swallow hard. He glanced at me quickly twice before he replied to my question. "Because. I needed to talk with you. I have been needing to talk with you, but I don't know what I'm going to say." With his right hand, he scratched the brim of his nose.

"Well, uhm. OK. How about you think about it a bit more. When we turn off the main strip here, you can say whatever is on your mind, PJ. I'll listen. You know that." Concerned, I took my left hand and caressed his left arm. I squeezed his hand in mine as we walked further down the boards.

"I know you'll listen. You've always listened to me, and I love that about you. That's what's helping make this so hard." Before I could make a comment, he put his right index finger across my lips and then removed it just as fast. 'I'll give him time to think.' I told myself.

He opened the passenger side door to his white Ford pickup, and gestured for me to get in. I aploged silently and got myself comfortable for the ride on his truck's grey cloth seat. He hopped up next to me and turned the engine on. Moments later, we found ourselves off the main strip and we were talking. Listening.

"I felt like we never really said how we felt after everything. It hurts." He exhaled loudly as he turned the wheel. "Not knowing what's going on in your head is driving me nuts, too. You should say something, Cat."

I felt the pit of my stomach twist around in knots. I knew he was right. "I just..." I hesitated. He looked at me with concern written all over his face, so I continued, "I didn't want anyone getting hurt. Not you and not myself. I tell ya, PJ, I don't even know what happened or when. Why? I dunno. I just know it did."

He adjusted his body and leaned in toward me as he shared his thoughts. "I understand we hurt eachother, I know. We can't make up for the time we gave up, but don't you think we can try? It's just.. I mean, God, you don't know how much it's been killin me to see your smile almost everyday and know that it was once at me, and-"

"It still is." I interrupted him and gave him the most heated kiss I had in me. My fingers were numb and my heart was beating nearly out of my chest and then something inside of me lit on fire. My core was burning and nothing could put out the flames. He looked into me and saw it, as I had seen in him. We came to a stop at an empty parking lot to an office building. He shut the truck off and helped me out, leading me by my hand to the front doors of the tall building. His keys were clincking together as he trembled to unlock the doors. Finally, he inserted the proper key and unlocked the silver deadbolt on the door. He pushed the glass door open and held it for me to enter. I stepped in the building, turned, and saw him locking the door after us. He threw the keys in his jean pocket, grabbed my right hand and led me across the black and white marbled floor in the lobby. We took a right around a large pillar to find ourselves in the elevator corridor. He pressed the 'up' arrow in the wall and it lit up green. The elevator to our left opened and we accepted the invite. I stood with the buttons to my right and faced him. He looked at me with his passion overflowing from his eyes. He hit a numbered button on the wall beside me and button '43' lit up yellow. He took a step in toward me, pushing himself against my hips. His left hand was shaking as he brushed my hair from my neck. He looked at me. I looked into him. I pressed the 'Emergency Stop' button and the elevator shook to a halt in the shaft. We were no longer moving up. The red light from the ceiling flooded on our faces. He kissed me so forcefully but pulled himself away. I wanted him at that moment. In that instant of time. Nothing could deminish this fire that he had set inside of me, except for he, himself. I pushed my body against his and grabbed his shaking hands. I placed his left hand on my right hip and his right hand on the back side of my left thigh, encouraging him. Enticing him. I wanted him to have me. I was willing for him to take me. I needed him to endulge me. And so... he did.