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Disciple [1]

This is part of a story that I've been working on for a few months...I've been thinking about getting it published, so I'm putting it up bit by bit here to get feedback. Comments are greatly appreciated.
Creative Created on 1-24-09 Views(74) Story Rating PG13

The halls of the school were crowded, distinct chatter and laughter filled the hallway as kids mingled by the locker hallway until classes started. A young boy, with long, dark blonde hair with small streaks of bright green walked to his locker. He wore glasses, a necklace with different trinkets tied to it, Tripp pants, wristbands, fingertip-cut gloves, and a sleeveless hoodie and large Skull Candy headphones. With a deep sigh, he opened his locker and began rummaging through it for his books. Suddenly, someone slammed his locker shut. He jumped back and looked to his right and saw Jack Broady leaning against his shut locker, sneering at him. Jack had sand brown hair that was spiked. He wore small, tight, football shirts that helped emphasize his hulking muscles that were most likely made with the help of anabolic steroids. “Hey there, Willy Nilly Willie,” Jack said, laughing at his own joke. Will sighed, “Hi, Jack,” he mumbled. Jack suddenly stopped laughing, grabbed Will by the collar and slammed him against his locker. “What’s the matter? Cat got your fucking tongue? I can’t hear you, shitstain!” Jack growled. “I said ‘Hi, Jack’,” Will said, a little louder this time. Jack nodded, “Good, that’s better,” he said, “So we’ll be seeing you today after school, right little buddy?” Jack slapped Will’s back hard. Will didn’t look up but nodded. With that, Jack pushed Will and walked down the hall. Will looked at Jack, with fire in his eyes, and sighed deeply and went back to getting his books. It was just another day at Leighbourg High.

            When the last bell of the day, Will felt both anxiety and dread. As usual, he couldn’t wait to leave school. But at the same time he knew Jack and his friends had something planned for Will. Will walked down the locker hallway, and looked around. Jack was nowhere to be seen: so far so good. He walked out the school, and took his usual route by the train tracks to get home. He preferred walking down the rails rather than taking the road. He liked how the rails were quiet compared to the noisy streets filled with people he had to see every day. Also he hoped that sneaking home by the railway could help prevent an encounter with Jack. Suddenly, he felt something push him. Next thing Will knew, he was on the ground, looking up at large silhouettes towering over him under the bright sun. “I feel hurt, Willie,” Will heard Jack’s voice say, “I thought you were gonna pay me a little visit after school. But when you didn’t, I thought I’d pay you a visit instead.” Two of Jack’s friends grabbed Will by the arms, and pushed him against a tree. “Tomorrow there’s tryouts for the boxing team,” Jack said. Will looked down and saw he had fighting bandages wrapped around his hands. “Thought I’d start practicing today,” Jack growled. And with that, punched Will has hard as he could in the stomach. Will coiled and gasped for air. Jack let go another blow at Will’s stomach. Will gagged and felt sick. He felt like he was going to throw up. Jack punched Will across his face, and Will felt himself fall out of the grip of Jack’s friends and on to the ground. “I’ll tell you whether I made the team or not,” Jack called out as he walked away with his friends.

Will lied there for a while, coiled in a little ball. Tears flooded his eyes, and he began to shake. It was not so much the pain as much as how much he wanted to get back at Jack. After a while, he heard footsteps. He looked up and saw a young man standing over him. The man wore a black European-style coat, a black Fedora hat, neat, black, jeans, and polished black leather shoes. He knelt down beside Will, “Are you all right, son?” the man asked. 

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On January 24th 2009 elvira2196 Said: 
elvira2196 I really got into this after the introduction and now you left me very interested... hope to read what follows soon =)