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missmadisings

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            I woke up in the back of Jeremy’s truck. I could tell that it was just getting to be morning. I rolled and ended up on top of my best friend.

            “Get off, Sarah.” Matt mumbled, throwing his arm over his eyes to shield them from the rising sun, and pushing me away from him in the process.

            I stood up and jumped out of the cab bed. Then I ran towards the beach, trying to hide my tears. I stripped off my pants and dove headfirst into the crashing waves. A thousand images of Matt came bursting out of their box in the back of my head and invaded my eyelids. I opened them to the burn of the salt water. Lungs burning, I went up for air. I hadn’t realized how far out I had gone. It didn’t matter anyways, no one was going to come looking for me. I turned onto my back and just floated there while the tears rolled down the sides of my face and hit the water with delicate plinks.

            Why did I love him? There had to be a reason. Maybe there was something wrong with my brain. Normal people didn’t love people who treated them like crap. Normal people didn’t love people who were so obviously out of their league. Normal people didn’t love their best friends. I could feel my silent tears about to turn into full out sobs.

I flipped onto my stomach, forcing my face into the ocean, and let it all go. All of the emotions that I had kept bottled up for the past day and a half. I inhaled, enjoying the burn of the salt water in a sick kind of way. Maybe drowning wouldn’t be so bad. Chalk it up to not enough sleep. Poor girl caught in a rip tide. Couldn’t have saved herself if she tried. Unfortunate accident. I slipped below the surface, still breathing the water in deeply.