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missmadisings

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“C’mon, Sare, just jump already!” Matt called from the water.

            I looked down at him. His face was split into a smile as he watched me. I gripped the rope tighter and took a step back. I started running but just as I reached the edge of the drop off I stopped. Matt groaned.

            “Get in the water, Sarah! Its not even that far down! JUMP!”

            I chewed on my bottom lip and took three giant steps back. Matt laughed at my indecision. I ran all the way to the edge and didn’t stop this time. I swung out as far as the rope would possibly go and dropped my hands, screaming.

            I landed with a tremendous splash right next to Matt. I swam for the surface and burst out of the water, gasping. I could check drowning off my list. That would not be easy or painless at all. It would be like torture. I’d find a better way to do it. I glanced at my best friend.

            His face smile was wide with laughter. His dark brown eyes danced with happiness. His blonde hair was wet and fell limply just past his ears. I could just make out his chiseled chest through the water.

            “Took you long enough scardy-cat.” He laughed. I pretended to be offended and shoved water towards his face. Matt splashed me back and I giggled as our water fight escalated towards a full-blown war.

            “Ummm…excuse me?”

            I dropped my arms and turned my face towards the voice just as Matt sent a wave crashing over my head. I dipped under the water to a avoid it and then looked towards to voice again. I wanted to groan. It was her. Matt followed my gaze and a look of joy came into his eyes. I wished I could do that to him. Bring him to a state of such ecstasy that he would look like that when I showed up.

            “Am I inturrupting something?” She sounded pissed off. Good.

            “Actually-” I started.

            “No. You’re not inturrupting anything.” Matt cut me off.

            I ducked under the surgace so that he couldn’t see my annoyed expression. And when I came up he wouldn’t be able to tell that I was crying. When I surfaced I was thinking about the rope. Maybe hanging myself would be the best way. A mental image of me kicking my legs and gasping for breath killed that thought really quickly. I glanced at the happy couple. Bad idea.

            Matt was so wraped around her that I could only tell them apart because her hair was longer than his. I sank down once more. I started swimming for shore, not even coming up for air. My lungs burned but I didn’t care. I needed to practice not needing air because I still didn’t know how to do it. I needed a quick way. But I might only have the option of drowning or hanging. I tried not to shudder at the thought.

            “I’m leaving, Matt.” I mumbled, looking down. He didn’t even grunt or anything. I sighed. Matt would never love me. Not even as a friend.