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missmadisings

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I put the kids to bed without telling them anything. After their movie was over they didn’t remember it anyways. I felt as though I was moving through a dream. Not really paying attention to what I was doing or how I was acting.

Every time my hands brushed my stomach tears pooled in my eyes. How could Edward leave me? How could he do that at this time?

I knew it was unfair to blame him. He didn’t get to choose when he was shipped out and when he wasn’t. If it had been up to him, he wouldn’t have left when we found out I was pregnant. I could remember that day so clearly now.

Edward was so excited. We had been trying for two years. And then it happened. And he was on leave and my family was perfect and complete and whole. And then he had to leave me again. To go fight the terrorists.

I was sobbing uncontrollably. I had just found out yesterday that it was a boy. Edward had always wanted another son. Now he would never be here to see him or hold him or be a part of his life.

This couldn’t be happening to me. How could this be happening? I thought love conquered all? Now it seemed it could just be ripped apart by a bullet or a road side bomb.

My phone rang from my bedside table. I lunged for it, trying to make my voice sound normal as I answered.

“Hello?” It sounded weak. Vulnerable. Wretchedly sad.

“Kimmie? What’s wrong sweetie?” It was my sister, Hannah.

“H-han-hannah?”

“What is it?!? Kimmie what’s wrong!?!”

My tears were coming in absolute torrents now. I couldn’t control them.

“He’s gone.” I managed to croak out.

“Who’s gone? Edward? But he’s coming home soon, Kimmie! You don’t have to be so upset!! He’s coming back!”

She didn’t understand. She would never understand. My world, my light, my life. It was gone. Dead.

“Edward, my Edward.” I whispered.

“Kimmie, what the hell? TELL ME!”

“He’s gone, Han. Dead.”

It sounded so final. So absolute. The full realization came crashing down on my head. The phone fell out of my hand. I buried my face in his pillow. It still smelled like him. I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew it was morning and Hannah was bent over me, crying.