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missmadisings

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I was holding Annie when the knock sounded. I called up to Seth and told him to answer the door. I heard Kelsey say she would race him. I chuckled quietly to myself. I would always regret that chuckle. I heard the knock again. The twins finally reached the door. They grabbed it open, Kelsey gloating over her win. They abruptly fell silent. I heard a gruff man’s voice.

“Is your mom home?”

I started walking towards the door.

“Momma!” The kids called in unison. They sounded afraid.

I rounded the corner out of the kitchen. Seth and Kelsey turned around. The man’s eyes bore into mine. He was wearing a green army uniform. My heartbeat escalated with fear. It felt like I was walking through syrup. I finally reached the door. I placed Annie on the ground, my hands crossed over my swollen belly. Annie tugged at my dress. I didn’t look at her. I wasn’t even breathing.

“Are you Mrs. Doward?”

“That’s me.” I whispered. “Can I help you?”

He handed me a letter. I could feel my world start to crumble around the corners. I tried to hold it together for the kids. The man in uniform turned on his heel and left, wiping his eyes.

“Can I read the letter, Momma?” Asked Kelsey.

“I wanna read it too!” Said Seth.

“Is it from Daddy?” Kelsey persisted.

“Is he coming home soon, Momma?” Seth wondered.

Annie just tugged on my sun colored dress again.

        “Up Momma! Up!”

I didn’t speak. I didn’t open the letter.

I picked up Annie, who stopped fussing at my touch. I held out my hand towards Kelsey, trying to keep the tears out of my eyes. She grabbed it eagerly and held hers out to Seth. We formed a line and I lead them into the living room.

They both sat in their special chairs while I randomly grabbed a movie. I shoved it into the DVD player and placed Annie in her play pen. They all grew quiet at the sound of Finding Nemo. I slipped back into the kitchen.

I tried to keep it together as my fingers ripped the letter open.

Relax Kimmie. It could just be a letter from him. It doesn’t have to be anything bad. I told myself.

It could even be good news. He could be coming home in time for the baby. He could be coming home for good. Keep your cool.

But it was bad. As soon as I read the first line I knew it was bad.

Dear Mrs. Doward,

          We regret to inform you that your husband, Edward H. Doward, died in the line of duty two days ago on…

The letter went on, but I stopped there. I couldn’t keep it together any longer. My world shattered to pieces and I let the tears fall from my eyes.