A new world called California Part 18

CHAPTER 18

I heard someone say my name and then I felt them shaking me. “What?” I asked irritated.

“Sorry for waking up, but I just didn’t know if you had to work today and I wanted to make sure that you didn’t miss work.”

“No,” I said “Cammie gave me the week off yesterday.”

“Oh” he said.

I sat up and wrapped the blanket very tightly around me. He sat down next to me. “I owe you big time.” he said, looking down at his hands.

“You don’t owe me anything.” I said coldly.

“Will you please just talk to me?”

I considered his request. It hurt so much to even be sitting there with him and I was sure us talking wasn’t going to make me feel any better. “What do you want me to say?” I asked him frustrated.

“Say you forgive me and you want to put this all behind us.” he said hopefully.

“Believe me Justin I would love to put this all behind us, but I don’t think I can. At least not yet. The shit you said really hurt me. You couldn’t even trust me enough to believe me over stupid gossip magazines.”

“Kate I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions or reacted the way I did. I was just so pissed that, if it was true, I was the one with all these amazing feelings for someone who didn’t have them back. I was so heartbroken I dealt with it the only way I knew how. Kate I love you and I don’t want to lose you.”

“Wait, what? Did you just say you love me?” I asked confused

“Yes, I did. I love you Kate. You are the most amazing girl I have ever met and I know you love me too or else you wouldn’t have helped me.” he said, the last part sounding like he was trying to convince himself instead of me.

“Justin it feels so good to hear you say that, but it just wont work. I’m sorry.” I said

“But, why? It could work.” he pleaded.

“No it wont. It’s obvious by the events of last night that you are not ready to settle down and I will not deal with another magazine incident and you and I both know that it will happen again.” I explained feeling tears sting my eyes. It hurt to say this, but it was true and I could suffer this pain now and be done with it rather than let it continue to happen down the road. A tear slid down my cheek and I looked away from him. “I need time to think.” I said.

“About what?” he asked “you’ve already told me you don’t want to be with me.”

“That’s the thing,” I began, “I do want to be with you, but I just need time to get over how you hurt me. So I think it would be best if we didn’t talk for a while.” I saw a single tear slide down his cheek. I had never seen him cry before. It made me feel even worse.

“Ok.” he said. “I understand. I think. And just so you know if when you said that I wasn’t ready to settle down you were referring to the girl that answered the phone. I did have sex with her, but it was because I thought you would never talk to me again. I’m sorry.” he ran his hand through his short blonde hair.

“Ok I think you should go now.” I said sadly.

“Kate…I” he began, but I interrupted him.

“Please just go. Call yourself a cab.” I said coldly.

He went to my room gathered his things and without another word he walked out of my door and out of my life.