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Created By

missieashley13

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<div style="border:1px #ccc solid; background-image:url('/images/ray.gif'); font-family:arial; width:200px; padding:5px;"><center><div style="font-size:20px;"><a href="/story/missieashley13/10344">It's Not Over</a></div><table><tr><td width="50"><div style="color:#2CC362; font-size:15px; padding-top:4px; background-image:url('/images/profratebg.gif'); background-repeat:no-repeat; width:44px; height:26px; text-align:center; font-weight:bold; vertical-align:middle; padding-top:8px; padding-left:1px; " valign="top">1</div></td><td><div style="height:100px;width:100px; padding-top:9px; background-repeat:no-repeat; background-image:url(/images/storyCover.png);"><a href="/story/missieashley13/10344"><div style="margin-left:9px; __padding:0px; height:90px; width:70px; background-repeat:no-repeat; background-image:url('http://www.testriffic.com/storyfiles/10344.jpg');"></div></a></div></td></tr></table></center></div>

+ 1	It's Not Over

I don't know what has come over me all of a sudden. I feel so confused. I keep thinking about my ex and how bad he treated me, but since I have been feeling so worthless and pointless lately, it makes me want those bad things that happened to me back. Even though it was horrible and I always cried and I lived a complete and utter lie....I got used to that being who I am. I am such a better person now, I have such a better life with a man who loves me more then words can describe. But something is missing...

It's not something that a man can give me, it's not something that a friend can give me. I don't know who can or what can give it to me. There is a part of me that is dead, it's completely missing and i'm going through a lot of pain yearning for it. Maybe it is the long gone love and support my Grandmother gave me(rest in peace), or maybe it's the support and affection I never did get from my parents, maybe I just want to know what that feels like. Right now, until I figure out what I want, until I figure out what I need....I feel like I need and deserve pain. That's where the thoughts about the ex boyfriend are coming in....

We had a lot of fun together. But then when it came to the actual relationship, he was such an asshole. He told me I was fat and ugly and he made me feel like krap all of the time. He used me for the sexual things he couldn't get from his former girlfriend Melissa. He wanted to see parts of me that I wasn't ready to show him. he wanted to touch me in ways I didn't even want to think of at the time. He inflicted a lot of pain on me inside and outside at the same time. He acted all lovey dovey and supportive when my Grandmother passed away to draw me closer. Since he did that, it made me think that he was the best for helping me and holding me. But what I forgot about is that every time he held me while I cried, he expected something in return afterwards....

I don't know what I want. I don't know what I need. But whatever it is needs to find me soon so I don't do something wrong. God help me.

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