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UntitledAuthors Comments: Two different points of views. I named the chapters according to the narrators. No, this is not it. There is much more to this, but these are just slivers from the first and second chapters. I just want some feedback.
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 Created on 8-17-08
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 Story Rating R
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CHAPTER ONE: Brooke.
“Who do you think you are?” She was yelling in a whisper. “I’m Brooke Samuels.” I had no intentions of putting up with her temper tonight; it’d been a bad enough day. “Well, Brooke Samuels,” she made my name into a curse word. “You are to learn some respect! I took you into my home, and you’ve shown no courtesy towards me what so ever.” And here she goes…. “You’re stupid parents died, and now you’re my burden! You’ll listen to what I say!” She crossed the line. “Yell at me all you want, call me names and force me to the ground, but never, ever speak of my parents!” I spat in her face. “You mean the people who are now taking up space under ground? Where the worms eat away what’s left of their pathetic existence?” My fist collided with her face, leaving her stumbling backwards into the table. My chest was heaving from my breathing, my breaths coming in ragged, hard intervals. Sharon stood up, rubbing her face where I hit her, and walked back over to me. “That’s assault! I could put you in jail for that, you little wench!” She threatened. “Go ahead! Call the cops!” My eyes were filling with tears. I never liked any officer, because they’d never listen to a child. “I’d be glad to show them my arms, my legs, and everywhere else you’ve hit me!” “Don’t you raise your voice to me young lady!” “What? Are you afraid that you’re pathetic excuse for a man will hear me?!” I said, almost in tears. “Oh, that’s right! You want everybody to think you’re perfect! That you don’t beat me on a daily basis!” “Quiet!” She warned, stepping closer to the wall. I knew what she was grabbing, and I knew what was coming. “No!” She hit me. Not with her fist, but with a small baseball bat. I fell to the floor, my arm buzzing where the weapon made contact with it. She continuously beat me, aiming for my ribs or my legs, and hitting my arms when I’d use them to block. Then I heard a crack when the wood smacked my side, and I cried out in pain. My ribs were broken, again. When I curled up into a ball, she dropped her weapon and returned to the living room. My side was throbbing, canceling out any other pain my body felt. Tears spilled over from my eyes and made a small puddle next to my face on the floor. Everything hurt. My body ached; my side was pained even by my breathing. It felt like I was dying, but I knew that I wasn’t. I sat up slowly, holding onto my left side with my arm. With my free hand, I pulled up my pant leg to see what damage she had done. I grimaced when I saw the new purple swelling on my skin. ‘Damn it,’ I thought. ‘It’s going to be hard to walk.’ Using the counter for support, I lifted myself up, standing on the slightly better leg. My head swam with the movement, and it took everything I had not to fall back down. Testing my strength, I put weight onto my other leg. It protested in pain, but I could handle it. I walked slowly around the kitchen, getting used to the sharp feeling every time I put pressure against it. When I felt I could walk with only a slight limp, I turned back towards the living room.
CHAPTER TWO: Jason
My foot tapped impatiently as I waited for the sun to set. I was unusually anxious to feed tonight, thanks to Dwayne, the vampire hunter I sparred with before the sun rose. He managed to weaken me considerably, and I had no time to drink before sunrise. It’s pathetic, that I have to hide in some condemned building, as my number one rival searches for me. I watched the sun slowly make its way to the horizon, taunting me with its unperturbed slowness. A low growl passed through my lips as I remembered my recent battle. I was weak with hunger, and the hunter took advantage of it. If I’d stayed any longer, he surely would have succeeded in killing me this time. Never in over two-hundred years have I felt more… feeble than I did today. It’s inexcusable. My throat burned from desire, and my teeth ached for the feel of soft flesh entrapping them, as the blood slowly made its way into my mouth. I felt my fangs lengthen and become sharp as I thought of seizing a human by the skull and shoulder, then sinking my teeth into their neck as I slowly drained them of life. My tongue grazed over my now lethal daggers, attempting to calm them, to reassure them that they’d soon be satisfied. I took a look at my surroundings and scowled. ‘Jesus Christ, Jason,’ I thought to myself. ‘You are pathetic.’ For once, I wasn’t the hunter. I was the prey. I was hiding from a lone vampire hunter, when I’ve killed handfuls of them in mere seconds. ‘I’ll do better when I’ve drank.’ I thought, trying to console my damaged ego. Running a hand through my short brown hair, I looked outside again. The sun was just setting, casting a red-orange color through the sky. ‘Finally.’
Comments
Please Login to post comments| On August 21st 2008 misha9944 Said : | |
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make sure to read the author's comments. |
| On August 21st 2008 gusty13 Said : | |
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i like this alot you should keep going |
| On August 18th 2008 xHickChick789x Said : | |
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sounds cool and intersting |
