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mergily18

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When Evan was sound asleep I finally dared to talk.

“Landon?” I asked; I couldn’t help but think about Tessa’s question, the one about the sex.

“Yeah” he whispered looking me in the eye.

“Is Evan the reason you don’t want to have sex with me?” I asked not hesitating for a second. Landon looked down at Evan then back at me. He slowly got up and gently picked Evan up with him careful not to wake him then walked out of the room. He came back in a second later with empty arms.

“I hope you don’t mind I put Evan on your dad’s bed” he said laying back down with me, I shook my head. He took my hands in his.

“Lacey I am so sorry” he kissed my hands. “I want to, you have no idea how badly I want to, god it is so hard to be around you sometimes and know that I can’t have you” he breathed.

“So Evan is the reason then?” I repeated.

“Lacey I made a mistake 2 years ago, don’t get me wrong I love Evan with all my heart and I can’t imagine life without him but I made a mistake” he looked down.

“So you are afraid of me… getting…”

“Terrified” he admitted to me. “, and not only because having a kid is life changing and not always for the best but because having a kid could be the last thing you ever do”

“Landon I am not Evan’s mom, I am not her, I am not going to have her same fate” I brushed his face.

“I know that but still… I can’t take that chance, not with you, you are too important to me to loose” he squeezed my hand. That was the sweetest thing I think anyone had ever said to me, I leaned into Landon best I could then pulled him to me the rest of the way. I kissed him softly then pulled him on top of me, I knew that he wouldn’t have sex with me at least not now but I just needed him to be as close to me as possible. Landon continued to kiss me passionately then pulled away slightly. He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against mine.

“God Lacey you make this so hard” he swallowed.

“Sorry” I breathed back rubbing his arm slightly “I’m sorry I didn’t mean too…” but before I could get anymore words out he was kissing me again. We kissed like that for awhile longer but my pain meds were wearing off and it was becoming harder to concentrate, I winced a little as Landon shifted more on top of me.

“I’m sorry, you okay?” he asked moving off me. I didn’t want him to but my leg was killing me.

“Can you get me a glass of water please?” I asked reaching for my pain meds; Landon nodded his head and got me some water. After taking some pain pills Landon laid next to me stroking my hair.

“It will happen someday, just give me sometime” he said kissing me on the head.