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melissabik

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I sat in the waiting room of the therapist’s office feeling myself get nervous.  It had been so long since I was last in here.  I looked around the room; there was a calming music playing, and a few magazines on the coffee table in front of me.  What am I doing here?  This is ridiculous.  Why did I decide I needed a shrink now?  I should just get out of here…  I’ve gone two years without guidance…  I can surely keep going in that direction.  Just as I was about to get up and leave, the patient before me exited, armed with a fistful of tissues.  “Anne; it’s been some time since I last saw you,” greeted Doctor Keller.  Doctor Keller was a very successful woman in psychiatry who wrote hundreds of books on “How to fix you.”  She smiled at me as she urged me to come into her office.  I pasted on my fake smile and did as I was told.  Her office seemed very homey, but it somehow made me feel uncomfortable.  “So, what brings you by?” she asked as she sat down in her chair and pulled out her notepad and pen.  I shrugged my shoulders.  I didn’t exactly know where to start.  “I was just… having a bad day, when I found your card.  I don’t exactly know why I’m here, but I guess I just feel like I need some guidance,” I stated.

Doctor Keller nodded in that way that psychiatrists nod when they’re trying to understand you.  “What kind of guidance?” she asked.  Aiden, my brain screamed.  “I guess I’m just having a problem with relationships… or the idea of any types of relationships,” I started.  Doctor Keller started doodling on her notepad.  “All right…  What happened to make you feel this way?” she asked.  I didn’t feel quite comfortable talking about my life to a stranger, but if I ever wanted to fix myself, I guess it was time to try.  “I’m a wedding planner who isn’t married, and I’m starting to have feelings for my partner.  He’s a wedding planner from England, and my manager hired him to work with me.  We spent two weeks in Arizona on this one wedding, and I got to know him pretty well….  Then I started having these… feelings for him.  I don’t know if it’s because my boyfriend just broke up with me, or I’m just that screwed up…”  Doctor Keller stopped me.  “We don’t like that word.  You’re not screwed up,” she assured me.  I shook my head.  “Well then, can you tell me what is wrong with me?  Why do I have these feelings?” I asked, searching for some answers as to why I felt like I was going crazy.

“You’re just overcompensating for the breakup you just had with your boyfriend.  Your feelings are searching for someone to fill the void of your ex-boyfriend; spending two weeks with your partner can obviously cause mixed feelings,” the doctor explained.  I shook my head.  She didn’t know about Vince.  I didn’t really care about him.  But maybe I was just trying to fill the void…  “But I didn’t love my ex…  Our relationship was complicated.  Ever since my fiancé died a few years ago, none of my relationships have worked out.  I think I’m just not ready to let anyone into my heart,” I explained.  Doctor Keller nodded as she jotted something down on her notepad.  “I remember…  Nathan, right?  He had cancer,” she replied.  I nodded.  “So you feel all your relationships after Nathan haven’t been real…” she inquired.  I nodded again.  “I just don’t feel the same way about them that I did about Nathan.  That is, until Aiden…  That’s what scares me.  He just seems so different,” I explained.  “Maybe you think you feel something for this Aiden, but really, you just don’t want to be alone,” she suggested.

Okay, doc just isn’t getting it…  “No…  I mean, I don’t want to be alone, but this just feels different,” I tried to explain.  Doctor Keller shook her head.  “Sometimes you can’t trust your feelings, Anne,” she replied.  After our session, I just decided I wasn’t getting what I needed.  I wasn’t going to come back to the good doctor; maybe it was because I wasn’t getting what I wanted to hear.  So where do you go when you need a little love?  “Anne!!  How is my best friend in the whole entire world?” asked Lindsay in her southern accent.  I smiled as she pulled me into an embrace.  “I’m good; aren’t you going to let me in?” I asked as I stood on her porch in the cold air.  She nodded and let me inside.  “What are you doing here?” she asked as we sat down on her leather couches in her living room.  “I can’t come to see my best friend?” I asked innocently.  Lindsay laughed.  “Of course; I’m glad you dropped by,” she stated sincerely.  “Now, what’s wrong?” she added.  I shook my head.  “Men…” I managed to say.  Lindsay laughed at my statement.  “Men?  Well, I might not be the best person to talk to about that,” she replied.  I shook my head.  “Yeah, but you’ll tell me what I want to hear,” I reasoned.

A wedding for New Year’s Eve…  How can anyone do something like that?  Well, Wesley and Jill did it.  They wanted a wedding on New Year’s Eve.  Jill said it was something she always wanted to do, and she was hoping that Aiden and I would be the wedding planners.  I wanted to refuse them; why would I want to spend the last hours of the year with clients and people I didn’t even know?  “Wouldn’t you want your perfect wedding if you could have it?” Aiden asked, trying to convince me.  I was ready to say no, but I knew that we would be making Jill’s dreams come true.  So, I said yes.  Now, here we were, two days before the wedding, working out the last minute details.  “I think that we can fix that,” I replied as Jill freaked out over one of her bridesmaids.  Her dress didn’t fit anymore.  She had gained a few pounds since they picked out the dresses, and now she couldn’t get inside of it.  “She can’t wear another dress,” Jill stated.  I tried to keep her from panicking.  “We can alter it; I have a friend who could do it right away,” I replied.  Aiden appeared and waltzed over to us.  “I see you’ve fixed yet another fiasco,” he stated with a smile.  “I’m gifted,” I replied proudly.  Aiden rolled his eyes.  “You really are a magician,” he joked, walking away as I giggled. 

Jill gave me a look.  “What?” I asked innocently.  “You two would be cute together…” she replied.  I shook my head.  “We just work together,” I stated.  Jill looked at me skeptically.  “Sure…  You and Aiden just give off this vibe…  I would have guessed that you two were dating,” she replied as she walked off to yell at her bridesmaid for eating.  I shrugged off her comment and went back to work.  After a few more slip-ups and some more drama, Jill and Wesley were ready to get married.  “Here we go…  All right, bridesmaids, get in line.  Brian, cue the music,” I stated into my earpiece.  “Let’s go, Aiden,” I added as we went to the double doors and opened them.  The music began as the bridesmaids walked down the aisle.  The dresses were hideous, but it was what Jill wanted. ( I don’t always argue with their ideas.  It is their wedding after all…)  My eyes looked up at Aiden as he smiled.  I pinched myself not to think about it.  “All right, flower girl, it’s your turn,” Aiden stated.  The flower girl just stood there.  She looked like a deer caught in headlights.  “Honey, it’s time to go and throw the flowers,” I added.  She just stood there; she looked like she was going to cry.  Aiden looked over at me and bent down next to the little girl.  “Sweetheart, it’s time,” he stated.  She shook her head and tried to move backwards as the music continued and the last bridesmaid walked to the front.  “Is this the first time you’re a flower girl?” Aiden asked.  The little girl nodded.  “Wow, you must be excited,” he added.  The little girl nodded again.  “And nervous,” she replied in a sweet little voice.  Aiden smiled.  “Don’t worry; you will do a wonderful job, I promise.  And you look so pretty…” 

The little girl giggled as Aiden put his hand on her shoulder.  “It will only be for a few minutes; you have a very important job to do.  You need to get all of those flower petals down the aisle for the bride; that’s very important,” he reminded her.  The flower girl smiled.  “Okay…  I’ll do it,” she stated.  Aiden smiled as he patted her head.  “Good job,” he replied as she began to walk down the aisle.  I looked over at Aiden with amazement.  He did so well with that little girl.  “What?” he asked as he caught me staring at him.  I shook my head.  “Nothing…  You’re really good with little kids,” I replied with surprise.  Aiden smiled as Jill came to the doorway.  She looked beautiful in her dress, and she seemed very excited.  “I’m ready,” she stated as she waited for my cue.  “All right, Jill…  It’s time to become Mrs. Wesley Raines, “ I replied as I urged her to go forward.  It was a beautiful ceremony; the candles almost burned the church down.  Thank goodness for fire extinguishers on hand.  After the wedding, we headed over to the reception, which was also a party for New Year’s Eve.  Everything had turned out great, only my feelings for Aiden hadn’t been buried.  The only thing running through my mind was the countdown.  I wanted him to kiss me, I’ll admit, but I knew we shouldn’t.  It was ridiculous. 

I just had to ignore the feelings and think about work; if I did that, then the feelings would eventually go away.  “This is a great way to spend New Year’s Eve, huh?” I heard Aiden say as he walked over to me across the dance floor.  I shrugged my shoulders.  “You know I would rather be somewhere else, but a job is a job, and Jill looks so happy,” I replied.  Aiden nodded.  “I’m sorry that I dragged you into this, but thank you for doing it anyway,” he stated.  I shook my head.  “It’s okay…  I guess I’ll just have to ring in the New Year with you,” I replied jokingly.  Aiden smiled as he looked down at his watch.  “Well, there are five more minutes left of the old year…  What do you want to do?” he asked.  Even though I was trying to force myself into ignoring my feelings for Aiden, I didn’t feel like fighting it for the moment.  “Does the Englishman want to have this dance?” I asked, holding out my hand.  Aiden smiled as he grabbed it.  “I would love to,” he replied.  We began to dance; the moment just felt so right.  It felt nice to be held by Aiden…  I struggled not to think about that and just listen to the music, but I was drawn into him.  I laid my head on his shoulder and smelled him.  He just smelled so good.  I don’t know what it was, but it was intoxicating.  “What did you think of the flowers?” Aiden asked, knowing full well that I wished they were all white orchids.  (Jill wanted pink tulips.)  “Very funny…  You know how I feel about the flowers,” I replied. 

Aiden smiled as he let go of my hand and reached into his pocket.  “A present for New Year’s,” he stated, pulling out a flower.  I was so shocked to see that he was holding a white orchid.  “For me?” I asked as I happily took the flower.  Aiden smiled.  “Do you like it?” he asked.  I nodded as we continued to dance.  “That is so sweet of you,” I replied.  Suddenly my heart began to pound.  I felt the same way I did the last time we danced in Arizona.  I couldn’t believe that he did that for me; he surpassed what any man would do for me…  He knew I loved white orchids, so he brought me one.  Did this mean something?  Was this a sign?  I tensed up in Aiden’s arms as the music finished.  Thank God…  We walked over to the dessert table and I grabbed some cake.  “All right; it looks like there is one minute left!  Here we go,” declared someone from the wedding party on the microphone that was on the stage.  Aiden looked down at his watch as it was at 20 seconds.  “Looks like it’s time to say goodbye to the old year,” he stated.  Everyone gathered around each other and got ready to ring in the New Year.  “10, 9, 8, 7, 6,” everyone began to count.  I looked up at Aiden as he looked down at me.  “5, 4, 3, 2, 1…  Happy New Year!!” everyone yelled.  “Happy New Year,” Aiden replied as he turned to me with a smile.  “Happy New Year,” I answered back as Aiden pulled me into an embrace.  It just felt so right to be held in his arms. 

But the hug was lasting for a little too long.  I pulled back and realized I was inches from Aiden’s lips.  I was frozen there, staring into his hazel eyes.  I could feel my lips coming closer to his; I was tired of ignoring all the feelings.  I was falling for Aiden, and that was obvious.  It felt like when I met Nate.  This was it; this was different from Vince.  I really was falling in love with him.  But Aiden didn’t come closer; he pulled back.  That was my answer.  Aiden and I weren’t meant to be…  I let go of him and moved away.  “Happy New Year, Aiden,” I stated quietly as I walked towards the door.

How could I have been so stupid?  Why did I think he would kiss me?  Why did I want him to kiss me?  I knew I should have never agreed to hire a partner…  I never would have met Aiden, and I never would have gotten so involved.  I set my keys down on the coffee table and plopped onto the couch.  “I am screwed up, Lindsay,” I stated after finally dialing her number, but not before I changed into my Victoria Secret PINK sweats and a tank top, plopping back on the couch.  “No, you’re just confused,” Lindsay stated to comfort me.  I needed a pick-me-up, and I knew Lindsay would give that to me, along with the Hershey’s chocolate I was eating.  “I am; I am so confused.  The moment just felt so right… He gave me a white orchid, Lindsay,” I replied.  “Aw, that’s your favorite flower,” Lindsay swooned.

“I know…  But I think I’m getting mixed signals.  Why would he do that?  He went to all that trouble just for me…”

“Maybe you didn’t get mixed signals.  Maybe he’s interested.”

“Or maybe he’s just messing with my mind.  At midnight, I was an inch away from his lips, and we almost kissed…”

“Well?  What happened?”

“He pulled away… Doesn’t that mean something?”

“Hmm, I don’t know.  That does sound like mixed signals.  Or maybe he’s just scared, Anne.”

“Maybe I’m just not appealing.”

“Don’t say that.  You are great; any guy should be lucky to have you.”

“You’re just saying that because you’re my best friend.”

“But I mean it…”

Suddenly there was a knock at the door.  I wasn’t expecting anyone just then, considering it was 2 in the morning on New Year’s Eve…  “Lindsay?  There’s someone at the door.  Can I call you back?” I asked as I stood up to go answer it.  “Of course…  I’ll leave the line open for you,” she replied before she hung up.  I threw the phone on the couch and put my television on mute.  I had no idea who would want to bother me right now.  I didn’t care who it was; I was just going to tell them to go away.  I unlocked the bolt and lock and opened the door to find the one man I didn’t expect to see.  Speak of the devil…  “Aiden?” I asked as I stood there in shock and embarrassment.  “Hi…” he greeted quietly with his eyes down.  He finally looked up at me and his eyes looked determined.  “What are you doing here?” I asked as I allowed him inside.  I could see tiny beads of sweat on his forehead as he began to pace my floor.  “Things didn’t really end well with us, did they?” he asked.  I looked at him with a puzzled look.  “What are you talking about, Aiden?” I wondered, beginning to feel annoyed.  He was sounding really weird.  (I don’t do weird.)  Aiden looked up at me and began staring at my mouth.  “What?” I asked in annoyance.  He pointed to my lip.  “You have chocolate on your face,” he answered.

Suddenly I realized I was wearing my sweats and wife beater tank top and I must have looked horrible.  I was about to wipe the chocolate from my face when Aiden stopped me.  “I came here for a reason…” he exclaimed as he grabbed the hand that was going to wipe my face.  I looked at him in confusion.  “And I am just going to get the chocolate from my mouth,” I replied.  Aiden shook his head as he inched closer to me.  “Let me do that,” he replied as his other hand reached up to touch the side of my face.  That’s when he kissed me.  I was in such shock when his lips touched mine.  I wanted this; but I didn’t actually think I would get it.  It felt so good to feel his arms around me; to smell his intoxicating scent…  And then his lips rudely broke away from mine.  Our eyes were glued to each other for a moment as Aiden pulled away.  I didn’t know what to say.  I just stood there, frozen in place.  Aiden let go of my arms and walked towards the door.  “Happy New Year, Anne,” he replied quietly.  And with that, he was out the door…