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“Where do you want me to put this, Anne?”  I turned to my assistant, Charlie, who had a man’s name, but insisted it was also a woman’s name, and looked at what she was holding in her hand.   I was THIS close to firing Charlie because for some reason, she never did what I asked her to.  She always seemed so lost whenever I gave her a simple task… Now that I think about it, I was just tightly wound and took it out on poor Charlie…  She was holding a center piece in her hand for the tables at the reception.  They were white orchids.  “Charlie, I’m only going to tell you this one more time, okay?  The center piece goes in the middle of the table,” I replied as if I were talking to a child.  I was a pro; I had been a wedding planner since I graduated high school.  My mother thought I was crazy for trying to make my own business, but I started small.  I worked for a woman who was about to croak and inherited her wedding business when she died.  I played it smart.  Now I was almost 30, and I had gone through over 100s of weddings in my lifetime—I had yet to have my own wedding.

Charlie disappeared into a corner to pout as I took control of the situation.  Today was someone else’s wedding day, and I was going to make sure that nothing went wrong—well, that nothing went terribly wrong.  “We have a problem,” I heard someone say.  Here comes my splitting headache…  I began to rub the spot on my forehead that was threatening to go into a full migraine and turned to see who had spoken to me.  It was the best man, Rick.  “What’s the problem?” I asked, knowing it couldn’t be as bad as it seemed.  “We can’t find the bride,” he stated nervously.  Believe it or not, that was not the worst problem I had come across in all my years of planning weddings.   There was the groom we found in the janitor’s closet with the maid of honor, then there was the bride who came at her fiancé with the pen from the guest book because he saw her before the wedding; it was bad luck.  There was the time we did a wedding at the beach and a homeless man showed up and cut the bride and groom’s cake before they even said, “I do.”  You name it, I had seen it happen.

Now was no different.  I had actually had this happen at a wedding I planned before.  I immediately began thinking of possible places the bride might have gone; I had to follow a certain protocol.  I began walking towards the bride’s dressing room in the lovely little church that the bride had chosen.  “What do you mean you can’t find the bride?” I asked as Rick followed.  “I went to go knock on the door to give her the bouquet of flowers that came, and when no one answered, I went inside.  No one was in there.  She’s gone; I don’t know what to do.  What am I supposed to tell Dan?” he asked in a high-pitched tone indicating he was about to have a panic attack.  The bride was Rick’s sister, Sherry.  I guess he took it upon himself to make sure his baby sister walked down the aisle, and if something went wrong, Rick seemed to take it personally.  It was my job to make sure that didn’t happen.  “Okay, Rick.  This is what I need you to do.  Can you just breathe for me?” I asked as I grabbed his arm.  Rick nodded as he began doing some breathing exercises.  “One more thing; can you help me think of places where your sister may have gone?” I asked.

Suddenly my earpiece was talking.  “Is everything okay?  The wedding is supposed to start in 5 minutes.”  It was Charlie.  I knew that if I let her in on this little problem, she would definitely freak out.  “Everything is fine.  I just need you to stall for about 10 minutes, Charlie.  Can you do that?” I asked, knowing that Charlie would probably only be able to stall for about 5…  (I was judgmental back then.)  “Okay… Are you sure everything is okay?” Charlie asked nervously.  I rolled my eyes as Rick continued to hyperventilate.  “FINE, Charlie.  Just do it, okay?” I snapped.  That was the end of that.  Time to take control of the situation.  “Rick, I need you to think for me.  Where might Sherry have gone?” I asked again, hoping to get an answer from him this time.  Rick nodded, trying to think.  “She might have gone to that bar across the street…  She has a problem with alcohol,” Rick finally replied.  Okay, remind Charlie to keep the champagne to a minimum…  “I will be right back,” I stated, pulling at my lavender dress as I hurried down the stairs of the church across the street.

As I entered, I didn’t even have to look very hard.  The wedding dress could be spotted from a mile away.  Sherry was this big white blob that was nursing what looked like her second martini and her mascara was running.  I walked over to her and pulled out a tissue from my little clutch.  “Anne… I am so sorry about this…” she said as she wiped at her eyes.  Here we go… Turn on Dr. Phil…  “Sherry, what are you doing in here?” I asked as she took another swig of her martini.  “I can’t marry HIM,” she stated angrily.  “What do you mean?” I asked, knowing full well she was talking about the groom, Dan.  Poor woman… He must have slept with the maid of honor… Or maybe he saw her in her wedding dress…  “He plucks his eyebrows, Anne,” she muttered as the tears began to stream down her face again.  WHAT?  “What?” I asked, feeling more confused than ever.  “And he wears briefs… not boxers,” she sobbed.  I was tried to see where she was going with this.  “I’m sorry, Sherry, but I just don’t see what you’re saying,” I exclaimed.  Sherry looked at me with disappointment in her eyes.  “Dan is gay,” she replied.  Oh, well I didn’t see that one coming…  I grabbed Sherry’s hand.  “How did you find out?” I asked, trying to console her.  Obviously this wedding wasn’t going to be happening. 

Sherry finished off her martini and ordered another one.  “It’s so obvious.  I can’t believe I didn’t see it before…  Charlie tipped me off last night at the rehearsal…” she began.  At the sound of Charlie’s name, my fingers strangled the bar stool.  “Charlie?  She told you Dan was gay?” I asked, trying to contain my anger.  Sherry nodded as she struggled to breathe.  “At first, she didn’t want to say anything, but I needed to know the truth.  Then she started to point out the fruity things Dan does.  First she started with the way he walks… And when I was watching him walk down the aisle during practice, I realized, he does walk gay!”  Note to self: strangle Charlie when you get back.  “And then she pointed out the way he eats.  He picks at everything; that’s got to be gay,” she added.  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.  Charlie had caused this problem, and now I had to fix it.  “Don’t listen to Charlie… She’s a little crazy,” I replied.  Sherry shook her head as her “best friend” martini arrived.

“No; Charlie is right.  After she pointed it out, I started to notice certain things… Like he plucks his eyebrows.  What straight guy does that?  And he says the word ‘fabulous.’  Dan is gay.  How could I have been so blind?” She plopped her head onto the bar and began to whine.  Okay… How do I get out of this one in 5 minutes?  “Sherry, Dan is not gay.  You can’t base his sexuality based on the fact that he plucks his eyebrows.  I know lots of guys who pluck their eyebrows.  And I haven’t heard Dan use the word fabulous since I met you two.  This is just cold feet—working overtime.  Sherry, I have seen you and Dan together, and you seem so perfect.  I wish I had a relationship like yours…” I replied.  Sherry pulled her head up from the counter and looked at me with hope.  “Really?” she asked.  I nodded sincerely.  “Of course.  Sherry, I want you to think about your sexual chemistry with Dan.  Do you have it?” I asked, knowing the answer.  This problem was all ridiculous.  Sherry thought for a moment.  “Yes; he gives me goose bumps…  And when he kisses me, I feel fireworks…” she smiled to herself.

“Then I wouldn’t listen to Charlie.  She hasn’t had one successful relationship since I’ve known her.  I wouldn’t listen to the advice of a girl who can’t tell the difference between chicken and tuna,” I stated.  (Okay, so I was harsh, but it seemed to be working for me at the moment.)  “You’re right…  This is just cold feet.  You are so right, Anne…” she finally agreed, coming to her senses.  “If I need to remind you, you do have a wedding to get to,” I reminded her.  Sherry suddenly jumped up.  “I almost forgot!  Let’s go get me married!” she yelled as she turned to the bartender.  “I’m getting married today,” she stated.  The bartender smiled at the crazy girl in the wedding dress.  “Wonderful,” he stated uncomfortably.  “Let’s go,” I coaxed as Sherry tried to finish her martini before we left.  “No, no…  You want to remember this day, don’t you?” I reminded her as I peeled the glass from her hand and managed to walk her across the street to the church.  As we entered, Rick was standing there, sweating profusely.  “Sherry!  You have no idea how worried I was about you!  Where have you been?” he asked, ready to strangle her.  “No time to explain; we have a wedding to get to,” I stated, pushing past Rick and towards the chapel doors where the bridesmaids stood.  They turned to us in confusion and relief and took their marks.  “Here we go, people.  It’s show time,” I called as I opened the door and cued the organ music as the first bridesmaid and groomsmen walked down the aisle.

Two hours later, after thousands of pictures and conversations ended, we headed over to the reception.  That ran smoothly, as Sherry and Dan shared their first dance together, and as they cut their wedding cake.  I’d say that’s another success story for Anne Tanner…  I smiled as I wrapped up another wedding by cutting Sherry off from the booze.  “Thank you for everything, Anne,” Sherry stated before the evening was over.  I smiled as she gave me a hug and we took a picture for her wedding album.  “I couldn’t have done this without you,” she added as she handed me a piece of cake.  “It was nothing; I’m a pro at this…” I replied as she laughed.  “Now go have fun,” I urged her.  I was feeling good about this.  I had overcome another obstacle… and that’s when the creator of that obstacle emerged.  “Good; you look like you’re in a good mood,” Charlie stated as she inched closer to me.  “Yes, Charlie… And I am going to stay in a good mood.  You caused a tornado of a problem,” I began.  Charlie looked at me in confusion.  “What are you talking about?” she asked, trying to portray her innocence.

“That is the third assistant you have fired this year, Anne,” stated Kip, the head of our wedding planning business.  Yes, I was the wedding planner, but he got me all the gigs.  Without Kip, I probably wouldn’t have planned over 100 weddings.  So when problems arose, I tended to listen to his advice.  Today was different.  I was happy with my latest success story as I received my fat paycheck, along with a beautiful thank you card from Mr. and Mrs. Dan Watson.  “So?” I asked as I entered my office.  Kip followed after me.  “You can’t do this alone anymore, Anne.  Believe it or not, this business has grown big.  You can’t plan a wedding in a short amount of time without someone else to make sure that things have been scheduled.  You tend to forget things like that… That’s why Charlie was perfect for you,” Kip reminded as he sat at the edge of my desk.  I shoved his fat behind off of it as I planted the little rose colored thank you card in his place along with the thousands of other cards that were piled onto my desk.  “Charlie has been a thorn in my side since you hired her.  I told you she was a mistake from the beginning,” I stated.  Kip rolled his eyes at my statement.

“You needed her, Anne,” he reminded me over and over again.  I shook my head.  “She told the bride that the groom was gay, Kip,” I informed him.  Kip tried to stifle a laugh that was threatening to make an appearance.  “Oh come on, Anne.  Maybe he was gay,” he suggested.  I shook my head.  “She had no right to cause that problem.  And besides, Charlie has no radar for anything.  She is clueless, and she almost cost me a wedding.  She almost cost a lovely couple a marriage because she was playing on the bride’s cold feet,” I stated in frustration, then decided to count to ten.  “1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6…  I’m okay…” I breathed as Kip shook his head.  “Good; then we need to find you a new assistant,” he replied.  “Oh, Kip…” I whined as I sat down in my leather chair that I had recently purchased with the money from a BIG wedding I had planned in Maui; a great vacation for me.  “No, Anne.  You need help.  I want to keep this business running.  We are growing more successful every day.  Isn’t that what you want?”  He got me; success was the biggest thing on my mind.  I wanted to have a well-known business more than anything.  Kip was right, which I definitely hated to admit.  “Well I don’t want an assistant,” I replied stubbornly as I put my feet on my desk.  Kip threw up his hands.  “Well, I’m going to do something, you’ll be sure of that,” he reminded me.

A few days later while I was interviewing a lovely couple who wanted to get married in their parent’s house because of a low budget, Kip interrupted.  “I’m kind of in the middle of something here, Kip,” I stated at his floating head that popped through the door to coax me out.  Kip shook his head as he smiled at the couple.  “I know… I just need to talk to you about that thing we were talking about the other day,” he stated, vague as usual.  I smiled at the man and woman who were smiling at me.  “I’ll be right with you,” I replied as I exited the room.  “What is it, Kip,” I asked him in annoyance.  He smiled at me with that smug smile he always had when he concocted an idea.  “I thought about what you said the other day… You don’t need an assistant,” he agreed with me.  Finally…  I guess I knocked some sense into him…  “Thank you for finally seeing my side,” I stated.  “You need a partner, not an assistant,” he added.  I froze in place.  Okay… Never mind.  Why would I think Kip would ever see my side of things?  Suddenly this tall man in a blazer and black t-shirt suit combo appeared.

“Who is this?” I asked, annoyed with all the people I had to put up with over the course of one year.  The man smiled a bit nervously.  “This is your partner, Aiden.  He is going to work with you on every job.  Imagine two wedding planners who are gifted, making one magnificent wedding planner that is fantastic,” Kip replied.  “I can’t believe this,” I stated, ready to walk back into my office to finish what I had started with that poor couple that was waiting for me.  “This is ridiculous.  I am sorry you had to waste your time,” I addressed this Aiden person.  “You’re threatened; I understand,” he spoke in a sexy English accent.  For a moment, I was gushing over the Englishman, but I reminded myself to close up and be a professional.  “I am not threatened by you.  Why don’t you just go back over the pond to where you came from,” I stated angrily.  (In my defense, I felt like I was having my job ripped away from me.)  Kip tried to apologize for me.  “It’s quite all right.  I think I will have a wonderful time working with her, Kip,” Aiden remarked.

I rolled my eyes.  “If you think you’re working with me…”  “You’re right,” Kip interrupted.  He then turned to me and gave me the look of death.  “This guy is the best wedding planner in England.  He came all the way here because I asked him to.  He would help this company reach new heights,” Kip whispered.  “He’s gay, isn’t he?” I asked.  Kip laughed.  “No; he just has good management skills and lots of connections in high places,” he answered.  I really wanted to just say no.  I wasn’t about to work with a partner.  Anne Tanner did not work with a partner… But if it was going to help the business, who was I to say no?  “Fine,” I muttered.  Kip was in heaven with the fact that I had actually given in.  “Okay then… You two head to your first assignment together!” he stated with lots of enthusiasm.  I turned to Aiden and gave him that plastered smile.  “Let’s go,” I stated as I entered the room where my clients—our clients waited.  “Sorry to keep you waiting.  Allow me to introduce you to my…”  I couldn’t bring myself to say the word.  “…Partner… I’m her new partner, Aiden.  It’s a pleasure to meet you both,” Aiden introduced himself as he shook both of their hands. 

The bride, Linda, was pleased with the new addition.  “Gary, he’s British,” she whispered as she squeezed the groom, Gary’s, arm.  I rolled my eyes at her enthusiasm.  “Well, Aiden, Gary and Linda would like to have their wedding at her parent’s house; they would like to save some money,” I informed him.  Linda nodded in agreement.  “We know how much weddings cost; we’re on a low budget, but we still want something spectacular,” she added with a heavy Chicago accent.  Aiden smiled, revealing perfectly straight and white teeth.  “I assure you will receive nothing but spectacular,” he assured her.  He is so gay…  “Now, we just need to know the location of the wedding, and we can get started on decorations and what things need to be done to make the home ‘wedding ready,’” I reminded them.  Linda nodded.  “It’s in Spring Falls,” she replied.  I tried to figure out where Spring Falls would fall in Chicago, Illinois.  “Where exactly in Chicago is that?” I asked.

Gary shook his head.  “It’s not in Chicago.  It’s in Arizona,” he explained.  “Oh, I see,” I stated uncomfortably.  Normally I enjoy the out of state weddings because I get a mini vacation, but this time, I would have to share my mini vacation with Mr. English.  I wasn’t too happy about that.  “Let’s start planning this wedding then,” I stated enthusiastically as Gary and Linda exited.  Aiden turned to me to get a few things straight.  “We’re going to Arizona?” he asked.  I nodded.  “That’s the protocol, yes,” I stated, a bit annoyed with the fact that I would probably not be flying first class this time around…  “Oh… Are we flying?” he asked.  What kind of a question is that?  Why would we drive?  “What does that matter?” I asked, wondering why that was the first thought that came to his mind when he found out we were going to sunny Arizona in December.