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Stupid me... |
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5
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Love is an Illusion |
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5
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Cheat Sheet for Life (more ranting) |
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Shakes and Shivers (My blood's turned cold) - Part 1 |
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My Very Own Tragic Love Story |
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My View on Love |
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Cheat Sheet for Life (more ranting)
Short
 Created on 12-31-07
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 Story Rating G
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I want to be loved, to be held close, to know that I belong to someone. I think that's what I miss most about having a boyfriend. Just knowing that I am someone's girlfriend. Knowing I'm theirs and they are only mine. I need that feeling of being needed more than I ever could have thought. I lay awake at night, thinking about a guy I don't know. He has no face, no voice, no distinguishing qualities whatsoever. All I know is that he loves me, and that's all I need to know. I wonder when I'll have a boyfriend next, and who it will be. Something tells me I've never even met him yet. I just hope I don't fall into another mistake just because my need for a boyfriend outweighs my common sense. I'm not desperate, if that's what you think, not at all. It'd just be nice to know I'm actually wanted again.
Speaking of laying awake at night, I also keep thinking about all the things in life I've missed out on because I'm too scared to try. I've never had a real kiss with a boy. I mean, sure, I've kissed a guy, if you can call what we did kissing, and I hardly would. The only reason I haven't is because the few times I've gotten close, I freak out and have to screw something up. I'm especially bad at running away. The last time I almost got a real kiss? I broke up with him. Because I was scared. Not that he knows that, or I've admitted that's the reason before now, but hey, the truth is out. Another thing I've never had? The feeling of being in love. Truly, for real, completely IN LOVE. I mean, I've loved people, of course, and I thought I was in love, but now, looking back, I didn't really love HIM at all. I just loved that he loved me. (have i mentioned my self esteem sucks?) Well, at least he SAID he did. But after figuring out a few thing later on, I realize that maybe his words meant little. I'm not that upset, after all, my words were a lie too, in a way. Not that I knew they were when I said them. Maybe I should save the whole saying I love you thing till I'm older and I'm positive about my feelings. I hate being hurt, but I despise hurting others, and I know that what happens when you throw those words around carelessly. Oh, life is so confusing. They should make a walkthrough, you know, like if your playing a tough video game you can just go online and get a cheat sheet that tells you exactly what to do and when. Yeah, that's exactly what I need: a cheat sheet for life. only personalized just for me
Comments
Please Login to post comments| On January 2nd 2008 Toxxicduck Said : | |
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That is the same things I thought with Phillip, but through the past months Ive thought to myself. "Was it really real? Was it really worth it?" Sure it felt real then, but when I think about it, it feels extremily insignificant, and I feel like I was just floating in a childish excitment over something new and different. I want there to be someone like that there for me just as much as you do, but Ive been left in the dust to many times to give a shit anymore. I dont try anymore, Im not looking for him, Im waiting for him to find me.
I know you have heard same old same old from everyone, but really. There are lots of boys in the world, you are bound to find someone eventually. You are only in High School, you have a whole life ahead to find someone. |
