They Said They Wanted A Testimony.....

A Testimony, eh? Ive done a lot of speaking, but Ive never told my "testimony". I'm not even sure what it is. I'm going to be honest and say that i don't remember when i got saved, when i got baptised in the holy spirit, or when i met God. Its just always been this way. When i was four, my parents started bible college, those are my first memories of Christianity. I had a new baby brother and when i got sick my parents would yell and "anoint (me with) oil". I don't remember finding God, i think he just found me. I always related to the story of Samuel as a child. Samuel didn't know God, but God knew Samuel. "Speak Lord, your servant is listening" he spoke, and now i cant get him to shut up.
I spent the next six years of my childhood causing trouble, getting in fights, and discovering disco. We didn't talk about God that much, but he was always there, and i kept getting confused. When I was eight, i wasn't thinking about normal eight year old things. I was thinking about the giant things i wanted to do with my life, and how every decision i made effected that. I was only ten, but i was concerned that my friends weren't on the same path as me, and spent eight years of my life never telling my mother that i was urinating blood; because i thought it was God punishing me for masturbating. The God that used to sing in my ear when i couldn't sleep, the God that romanced me with sword fights, lambs, and kings was slowly changing into a huge thing i couldn't understand.
I ran to church, and wanted all of my questions answered. I bought a book. The new millennium was upon us, and i was ready to start again. I bought 'You The Leader', and finally someone that spoke my language. My father worked at the church producing their television show and i was taking video classes in high school, so i was ready to start doing it in church. I quickly got a youth video department going, and had the job of providing a three minute announcement segment for the youth service. I started with about seven kids and in about six months i was up to a revolving thirty to thirty five teenagers making and starring in the announcements. My work started to flow out of youth and into main service. I would make commercials, specials, or direct cameras for television. But when your in an environment what values people by their productivity, that's not enough. I started to sing in the choir, and quickly moved to being one of three people who would direct the choir during service. I had a "connect group", that went from five to all of the middle school girls. I was a senior in high school, i was the thinnest Ive ever been, i had an amazing new boyfriend everyone wanted me to marry, and i looked like i had it all together, and i did. Its not hard to keep it all together, when its easy, but things didn't stay like that.
As quickly as all of these things had came, they started to get out of control. I was stretched so far that i started doing everything half way. I couldn't keep up, so i started to pull out. I decided to end what was left of the youth video department, stop directing the choir, finish high school, and get some rest. Some people weren't too happy about this. I got pulled into meetings left and right, "your loosing your touch.", "whats happened to you?", "have you lost the vision?", and my favorite "don't forget Hannah, image is everything". Image was everything back then, until the people that were telling me that realised they couldn't keep it together any better than me. Our church went through a horrible drought. In two years we went from fifteen hundred people to five hundred, excluding the senior staff and two others the entire staff of the church was gone and replaced, pay was cut, and where we had more than enough now their was none. I guess we should have shared, or maybe made some good friends along the way. Through everything, i stood my ground. It was my family, it may be corrupt and abusive, but i had built it and i was responsible for it. I married that cute boy everyone liked, and our first year of marriage being in the middle of this was quite a ride. Ive fought my giants, i was lied to, i went in a cricket and came out a woman, i found God, I've lost Him, Ive been mindless, Ive been rebellious, Ive been pretentious, Ive found great love, and had my spirit crushed, and i wouldn't trade a thing.
I think that's it. My testimony is that i wouldn't trade a moment of it. Ive learned a lot about God, and a lot of it I'm ready to forget. My testimony is that no matter what they say, no one can ever take what God has for you, and there is nothing you can do to destroy it if you want it for Him in your heart. "Ive got soul, but I'm not a soldier" ,and I'm still looking for the promised land.