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Lost in the Mind part 1
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To Whom It May Concern:

To Whom It May Concern:

Creative Created on 7-3-07 Views(79) Story Rating G

To Whom It May Concern:

            On a calm quiet night I lay dreaming on my pillow top mattress.  I awoke with a start. I thought I had heard something on the fire escape outside my window.  I got out of bed to check it out.  Peeking out on to the seemingly unstable metal stairs and the street below, I saw nothing unusual for this part of town.  I stumbled back to bed without a worry.  I rolled over on to my right side and saw the time.  It was 1:30 in the morning already!  I had to get up at five to get ready for work.  I worked at my favorite clothing store: American Eagle.  For working there, everything that I bought was discounted.  Having this discount created my entire wardrobe.  I even had a cubby of belts and purses that I had purchased for much less than the original price.  Thinking about the busy day ahead, I drifted back to sleep.

A few hours passed as though it were five minutes.  I woke up in the most unusual position.  My hands were bound to the posts on my headboard and my feet were tied similarly to the posts on my footboard.  I was terrified and confused which are two things that no one wants to be when they are about to get out of bed for work.  I looked around my nearly empty New York apartment and saw the bathroom light on.  Had I turned it on?  Had I gone to the bathroom that morning before returning to bed?  No.  I hadn't.  The bathroom light cast a shadow on the floor in front of the front door.  I began to sweat. A cold sweat left beads on body.  The figure walked out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a ski mask and a condom.  He sulked toward me and I knew what was going to happen.  I struggled, but my wrists and ankles were carefully tied to the bed posts with leather cord.  The more I fought, the more pain surged through my limbs.  As he passed the open window, I realized that I did not close it before I went back to bed and that must have been the way he had gotten in.  The full moon lit my room beautifully and I reflected off of something in the mystery man's hand.  Instantly, I knew that it was a knife.  I tried to stay calm because I could feel that he sensed my fear and somehow it seemed to turn him on.  A gust of wind blew through my open window and chilled my half-naked body.  I glanced down to discover that I was not in the t-shirt that I had put on before bed, but that I was wearing my magenta colored lace panties, and nothing more.  They were my boyfriend's favorite.  His slow careful steps quickened slightly as he reached the foot of my bed.  He placed his right foot on my bed between my ankles.  Both of his hands were on the top metal bar of my footboard and he lifted himself up, placing his left foot on the bed to my left.  A second later he had his left foot by my right hip.  He lowered himself gracefully, eventually straddling me.  I began to cry, for my boyfriend was out of town on business and he was supposed to be home tonight.  If he had just come home early like his boss had suggested, I don't think this would have happened.  I wasn't blaming him for this but I was wishing he was here instead of this stranger.  With his knife he began cutting the lace that was laying on my left hip and then the right.  He reached his right hand underneath me and grabbed around for the lace.  He found it and pulled.  He removed it with surprising ease.  I closed my eyes and heard the plush of fabric landing on the wood floor.  Still sobbing I struggled one more time.  It seemed as though he enjoyed it.

The thought ran into my head that he was going to kill me.  They always said that murder isn't far off from rape.  It's not like he had any use for me afterwards.  This thought made itself comfortable in my mind.

I suddenly felt his weight equalize on top of me.  I knew it was time.  I was crying harder now and I was still trying to comprehend what was happening.  It had begun.  The real pain had begun.  Not only physical pain, but emotional pain.  The type of pain that will linger just because it can.  I was sobbing so hard that my chest was hurting, mostly from the lack of oxygen to my lungs.  What seemed like days passed.  He was growing tired, I could tell, but he kept going.  I couldn't cry anymore.  I had no more tears.  This had been the first, and hopefully the only, time that I will cry so much that I run out of tears.  The mysterious masked man finally rolled over, panting heavily.  I was relieved.  There was nothing I could do but wait for it to stop.  Finally it did.  He got up and strolled to the bathroom.  He closed the door and I felt strangely safer than I had since I went to bed the first time.  The toilet flushed and I heard the door open.  He walked out looking energized and refreshed.  I suddenly felt even more terrible.  I thought he was going to do it again. I turned my head and looked at the clock: 7:30 AM.  It was already light.  The man walked casually over to me and kissed me on the cheek.  Then he whispered in my ear a few words that I will never forget.  "Thank you.  That was great."  The words I will never be able to force out of my mind.  He walked back to the bathroom, dressed himself, and climbed out the window and down the fire escape.

About ten minutes later, my boyfriend walked in.  He was dragging a large black suitcase behind him and in his other hand was a bouquet of roses and a carry-on bag.  The roses were white on the bottom and red on the top.  They are called Fire and Ice roses.  They are my favorite to this day.  As soon as he saw me, he dropped everything and started towards me, crying.  Seeing him brought me more tears.  He pulled a knife from his pocket and sliced the leather bindings.  My legs first then my arms.  I instantly wrapped my arms around his neck and cried into his shoulder.  I got up and told him that I wanted to take a shower.  He tried to walk me to the bathroom and I resisted.  I did not want to go in there.  Not after he used it.  Leonardo, my boyfriend, went to the closet and grabbed my bathrobe.  He wrapped it around me and led me out the door.  We walked to my best girlfriend's apartment.  She lived just down the hall.  Leo pounded on the door and yelled at Uli to open up.  She pulled it open and moved aside so that Leo and I could walk in.  Before she could ask I begged her to let me take a shower.  I followed her into the bathroom and she turned on the water.  The mirror began to fog as the water steamed.  I shrugged off my robe as I stepped into the tub.  I instantly sat down and allowed the water to soothe my violated body.  As though I were not myself, I watched my hand move toward the hot water knob.  I didn't realize what I was doing until it was too late.  I was screaming with agony.Uli and Leo rushed in and turned the hot water down and turned the cold on.  I was frustrated that they stopped the only way that I could revive my tortured and sullied body.  Leo and Uli lifted me out of the tub and covered my shoulders with a towel.

I was so tired.  I wanted to sleep.  I wanted to sleep forever.  When ever I said that I wanted to do something forever, Leo reminded me that forever is a long time.  This was one of the situations where it was a good thing.  I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up.  For some reason I kept fighting the urge to die.  I can no longer do that.  I have tried again and again.  I do not want anything so horrible to occur again.  Now that I have made a decision, nothing so wretched will ever be able to happen another time.  Leonardo and Uli are my best friends.  They are my favorite people in the entire world.  I love them so and wish them the best of luck in their lives.  I am very sorry for having subjected them to this and I hope they live the rest of their lives a fully as possible.  I hope Leo finds another to love as deeply as he loved me.  Once again, I am so deeply sorry for everything.  I love you all.

 

                                                            Good-bye,

                                                                        Julianna Johnson

Comments

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On July 22nd 2007 twilightx28 Said :
twilightx28 Wow. I can't even begin to say how much this affected me. Like the other girl said, it's so disturbing and sad. Fantastic. Really.
On July 4th 2007 AlexINTJ Said :
AlexINTJ omg that was really disturbing and sad. Though really wonderfully written....like a suicide note. Great job.