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Skeptics and True Believers 11
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 Created on 5-31-08
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So I feel pretty aweful about whatever it was I did so I go to her house for once. She answers it and then sees me and then slams it shut. Great. That's sooo mature. I knock on it again even louder. "KELSEY! OPEN UP." I plead. "Come on, baby. I just wanna talk..." she still doesn't answer it. "PLEASE, just OPEN IT. I'm not mad...if that's what you think..."
"Of course you're not mad! Why would you be mad? I didn't do anything wrong!" she screams from out of her window, I move away from the door and towards her.
"Well, you're mad...so..." omg this is so stupid. "Look, just open the damn door. Please!" she narrows her eyes at me. "I wanna work things out." I tell her exhaustedly.
She gets the jadedness in my voice and gives up and opens the door. "What?" she says lowly.
"I'm sorry." I tell her seriously.
She looks away and shakes her head in disbelief.
"No? No, you don't believe me?"
"No. I don't beleive you."
"Why?" I ask.
"Because you always say you're sorry and then go and do the same exact thing!" she raises her voice a little.
"Yeah, I know...I'm sorry for that one too."
"Are you really? Because you're being a real fuck up right now." she tells me. The tone in her voice makes me actually guilty, she's really pissed.
"I know. I am a fuckup. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I admitt calmly. and then all of a sudden I get really steamed. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I keep screwing you out. I'm so sorry but I don't know what you want to do or who you want me to be." I admit, for once I finally feel sad and disappointed with myself.
"I just want you to be who you say you're ganna be. And do what you say you say you're ganna do." She tells me stirnly.
"I will. I won't do stupid stuff with my friends anymore, if that what you want then I won't. I won't. And if you want me to....do whatever it is that you want me to do.." I let out a big sigh. "I'll do it." I say miserablly.
"No but Will, I don't want you to do all those things because I tell you to, I want you to do them on your own!" She tells me. Does that make any sense? She wants me do things but she doesn't want me to those things because she wants me to do them? She wants me to chose to do things on my own? "Don't give me that look. You know, I'm tired of this...ok? I'm tired of us always hot and cold. You need to make up your mind. What do you want?"
I let her yell at me. I look at her and don't say anything.
"What?" She asks me. "What do you want?"
What do I want? I want to hold her when she's lonely. I want to kiss her when she smiles. I want to gaze into her eyes and see the reason why I love her. I want her to want me just as much as I want her. I want her to see that I've changed. I want her to be happy with me, I want her to love me at least half as much as I love her. I want her to believe me. I want so many things from this girl but I don't know if she's willing to give me what I want. I don't know if she's willing to be that girl...I willing to be any man she wants me to be, I don't know why but I do. And it feels good. "I want you to be my girl. I want you to be my girl, the girl that I hold in my arms at night, the girl who I always have in my mind, the girl who's there for me through thick and thin, the girl who will forgive me again and again, the girl who's kisses are like sweet breathes of air holding up my existance, I want you to be the girl that I marry." Her eyes are shocked, mine are probably sad with dispair. "I want you to know that you are that girl. But among all, I want you to want to be that girl." Her eyes almost filled with tears.
"You...you want to marry me?" She says breathless.
"Yeah." I whisper. "Maybe not today..." I get my voice back.
She smiles. And then she starts to cry. She rushes to me and grabs me into her arms. I lift her from the ground and kiss her. "Suppose.." she says a while later. "Suppose I got to camp four weeks before the auditions and then come back two weeks later...will that be the end of the world?" She asks me still whispering and hiccuping.
"No...I don't think so..." I tell her.
"But then that only means that we have two weeks together before you leave for months."
"Hon, it's only for a day.."
"NO, not if you guy make it...you'll be gone for at least three months until you win."
I kiss her. "Don't you know it's ganna be alright." I sing her favorite Beatles song Revolution.
"Shut up. I'm serious...let's not fight anymore..I just want our last few weeks together to be good." she sounded worried.
"And when are you going to camp?" I ask.
"Two days?" she tells me making it sound like a question.
"And you didn't tell me this because..."
"Because I didn't know..my mom just told me last night..."
I kiss her again this time holding her tightly. Heat and passion flow between our lips. It makes me sad that she'll have to leave. Four weeks later and then I'll be leaving too. Did I tell you why she can't go with us? Because we don't have enough money, how wacked out is that? "I don't want us to ever end." I say to her sincerely. Too bad, I think I just jinxed it.
"It doesn't have to..." Kelsey perkes up still worried. "But it is going to be hard..." She looks up at me.
I touch her chin and stroke it with my thumb. "We can do it."
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