Emily Rubric

3 and a half years ago, my ex-boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. a day after they first started the affair i confronted them, telling them i knew. my best friend, leanne, bawled immediately telling me she was sorry. jacob, my ex, just looked shameful. i wrapped my arms around her and told her i didn't mind, just as long as they got together and that me and jacob were to and forever to be, just friends. i remembered the look on her face as she tilted her teary eyes and hopeful smile at me. i smiled back. 2 and a half years later, jacob moved to another state, basicly ending their relationship. half a year later she finally got over him. two months after that she started having feelings for my best guy friend, john. i told her i knew she liked him. "how do you know?" she enquired.
"i had a hunch"

"is it that obvious?"

"no"

"then how did you find out?"

"i had a hunch"

i agreed to keep it our little secret. but as time went on and the christmas break grew near, i could sense her feelings for john only grew. and ever since then i've been thinking of nothing but them and the possiblity of them being a couple.

leanne and john.

john and leanne.

OH IT SOUNDS SO PERFECT! i can only imagine how such a good couple they would be. i love the idea. sometimes i just wanna gradually bring up leanne in a conversation with john and maybe ask if he likes her, but i promised leanne. grr.

~~~


"emily rubric"

"yes'm"

"what is this?"

"an F"

"can you explain to me and the class why you settled with an F" mrs. storn lectured to me.

"i'll help her pass the next test mrs. storn" john came to my rescue. immediately at the sound of his voice i pictured him coming to leannes rescue over something, like a bully, or something. oh. how romantic.
mrs. storn just grunted and stamped the paper on my desk. i looked at my F proudly, failing math wasn't a big deal to me, not anymore, i've always been slow in math, since... the beginning. john waved at me with that sexy boyish smile of his, i smiled back with "thank you" in my eyes.

i've always wanted to be a writer, you know, and get a book published and stuff. the word fame didn't really matter to me, i just wanted to write something ppl could enjoy. and ever since then i've started thinking in my head little stories i could right. little stories based on my day or my life or somebody elses' life.

i shook my head at the compelling thoughts.
"you know you shouldn't do that."

"do what?" i asked as john pulled up beside me as we walked down the hall to my locker.
"get into other ppls buisness' like that, you know, watching them, and then writing a little story in your head that would be good but will never find it's way to a single page. hell. it'll be lucky to find it's way to the pencil."

"...oh..." i smiled that smile that said, "that was funny, but not funny enough to laugh at"

"wait... you promised!" i almost yelled. i caught myself at the last moment and whispered the 'sed.'

he threw his head back and laughed, "you know i can't controll it, and besides, i love knowing what goes on in your head."

"but we agreed, you wouldn't..." i puased and stopped. he did too. facing him i leaned in closer and whispered so low that it was a mirical he had heard me, "read my mind"
that light twinkled in his eye, the one he gets when he knows something i don't.
which was rarely.

"i know, i'll stop, promise."
"you said that last time, no. the deals off. for now on i am free to explore your emotions"
"no!"
"you brought this apon your self"
we were both whispering so low that we were both sure nobody could hear us talking.
"fine! i wont do it anymore, you just stay away from my emotions"
i smiled defiantly. "yes lover boy"

he blushed. "wh-wh.....what?"

i giggled, "just tease'n"

"Oh" he smiled.
just then leanne walked in beside me. she didn't notice john there, "Em, what'd you get on that math test in mrs. storn's class"

"she bombed it." john answered for me.
she jumped slightly when she heard his voice and immediately her cheeks grew red, she hid them behind her binder. oh so cute!
"john!" i really did yell this time.
"what?" he looked at me sternly and i shook my head no to him, i knew he was thinking about reading her mind, but i had to keep her secret a secret. he sighed and rolled his eyes.
"what?" leanne asked trying to be a little bit more confident.
"oh... um... well... he shouldn't be answering for me... i know i'm lazy... but... still...."
she giggled and hugged me. the tardy bell rang and all three of us scattered in seperate directions to our classes.

at my house i got pissed. for one, my "friends" leanne, john, trent, and joleen decided on making a christmas party at my house with out telling me. the second thing, is i dropped a glass on the floor that shattered all over. i didn't get mad at the fact that i had broken one of my dad's most used cups, but the fact that he had taken the dust pan and put it somewhere i couldn't find it at. he was definately mad at me, but i told him if he went walking through the kicthen and had a peice of glass go through his foot, that it was his own goddamn fault becuz i'm not gonna waste my time looking for something i shouldn't have to look for. but he did still agree to the party. and i got most of the peices picked up. the day after tomorrow is the beginning of christmas break, and a break, is something i so need. i don't know, but lately... i've felt so tired. my dad had yelled at me a few months ago becuz i didn't each as much as i used to. i used to eat constantly, always, anywhere, you'd find me with something in my mouth. NO! NOT LIKE THAT! but then all of a sudden... i just wasn't hungry anymore. and yeah, if i'm not hungry, i don't eat. so i didn't eat. i did force myself to nibble on some chicken, but then i barfed that out five minutes later. WOOO! it was funny cuz i was in the middle of the kitchen and happened to barely make it to the trash can. not much as changed now, im not all that hungry, ever, but i eat four times a day becuz my dad makes me.

that morning, i felt just as tired as that night. i wondered if i was getting sick. i tried to fall asleep but i couldn't. must have anxiety or something, but why like this? and what for? oh well. me and john went to the mall, i invited leanne... for... you know... reasons....
i placed her in the middle, next to john, and next to me, for saving. we didn't talk most of the time, and i was getting bored, and when i get bored... things will fly. i saw a pair of boxers, red plad ones. i gave a hidden smirk. i always wanted to do this.

in just that moment, i ran with red boxers around my head, blue boxers on me, and a giant double - D sized bra on that was just across the ally. not only that, i was shouting at the top of my lungs, "FREEEEEEE-DOMMMMMMM!!!!"
john laughed his ass off while leanne just blushed and looked around to see if anybody was coming to arrest me. later i met them out side. i didn't want them in trouble becuz of me so i had to split, they understood. john laughed and congratulated me, and leanne just gave that sweet smile of hers. she was slowly scooting closer to john, i knew sooner or later she'd get him. then it hit me, "THE PARTY!"

"what?" they both said.
i smiled at them knowingly, "at the party, we should have a missletoe!"

they both glanced at each other and blushed. "sure" john said. yep. this would be great.
i talked to john late that night over the phone, i always did. then leanne called asking if she could come over. i said sure, but she would have to go through my window. i was joking, but she actually did it. i snickered and she asked me what was funny, i kept saying "nothing"
"hey, do you think... you know... today... when john said 'sure' to the missletoe idea, that... you know... he may have, wanted to kiss me?"
i smiled at her thinking how they had glanced at each other when i said that. "did you see the way he glanced at you?"
"... yes..." she said in a shy whisper. "then that answers your question."

i could sense her happy and satified feelings about what i said. or the idea of kissing john and them going out. just in case i didn't make myself clear before, in the beginning i said three and a half years ago. then two and a half years later. and then a six months after that, and then a few months later. we haven't reached the current, three and a half years. it's all coming up soon, real soon. john is my best friend, he's always had been. he knows my secret, and i know his. he can read ppls minds, i can sense their emotions and intentions. when we were 8, john read my mind and found out i liked him as more then a sand buddy, and didn't want to talk to me ever since then, then we started to play together again and i realized he liked me back. when we both confronted this, we... well... we kissed. our first kiss was with each other. it was weird for me, it still bothers me that when i went in to kiss him i missed and kissed between his upper lip and his nose. but i got it the second time. so THUMBS UP! after that i don't know what happened, but we decided friends were just what we were supposed to be, and nothing more, except maybe best friends, which we are, and agreed that we would not use our powers on eachother, so i stopped sensing his feelings and intentions and he stopped reading my mind. and things were always just right with just that. then we met leanne, niether of us liked her, but were nice to her anyway cuz we had no reason not to like her, eventually, she became one of our own, a side from the super natural powers me and john have, not that we've ever told her, which we didn't. my phone rang, leanne laid back on my bed while i answered. it was john.
"tomorrow's that math test"
"yeah. and?"
"you and i are supposed to study you dumby!" john bellowed contently into the mouthpeice.

"so?"
"welllllllll, i told mrs. storn you would pass that test, so if i may have my testicles... so if i may lose my ability to read ppls minds, YOU WILL PASS!"
"why didn't you say anything earlier then if you cared so much?"
"i forgot"
"roll eyes" i said and did just that.
"don't roll your eyes at me! get out pen and paper, we'll do this over the phone"
"no, that's too complicated"
"who is it?" leanne whispered from the safety of my pillow.

i smiled.
"well... why don't you... come over."
"huh?" both john and leanne said.
i put my finger to my lips and signaled for her to stay quiet, then tapped my nose to hint it was john. she blushed after hard thinking of what i meant.
"yeah... i want you to come over"

leanne blushed harder and started to fix her hair even tho it didn't need any fixing and even tho john hadn't said anything yet.
he was quiet.
"why?" he finally said.
"...so... you can help me study... duh."

"oh"
pause.
"so... are you come'n?"

pause.

"why?" he asked again. he only asked again becuz he was unsure and was buying himself time to think, he always did that.
i glanced at a photo of me and john when we were younger, 13 i think. it was christmas, or a little after when we took that picture. you could see the snow every where on the ground and a little snow falling down on us. john had his black puffy jacket on and a black ski cap with a dark blue rim. i had a purple lighter jacket on and a white ski cap with a pink rim on. john's arm was around my shoulder and i was holding that arm with both hands. john held the camera up and we both tilted our heads' together, they touched while we smiled for the camera. i loved that picture becuz i actually looked cute in it. i take horible pictures.
i could hear his breathing over the phone. "john, why don't you come over? please, i would like it."
"well... it's almost past ten..."
"you can sneak out of your house. you know how, you've done it before. remember, mr. fuzzy kitten?"
"what?" leanne whispered.
mr. fuzzy kitten was a stuffed cat named bob that john had. at night john had a bad dream that a cat with beady yellow eyes and black fur came after him and stole his flesh. when he woke up, mr. fuzzy kitten was next to him with it's dark fluff blending in with the black of the room and the moonlight casting through the window hit mr. fuzzy kitten on the head making it's yellow eyes visible to john. he screamed so loud i had heard him, but it seemed nobody else did. i came running to him as fast as i could, he was crawling out of his window crying by the time i got there. we went over to my house and i made him hot chocolate(even tho it was summer) and we stayed up together that night. and the next day i took a knife (or a pair fo sissors) to bob, and burried him in the back yard. some time after that i had renamed bob to mr fuzzy kitten.
"oh yeah" he laughed.
"well... i don't know..."

"please" i tried putting on a cute act.
"i'd... really like it if you'd come over"
pause.
"...what?" he asked again a little bit sternly.
"what" he repeated himself catching his sternness.
"c'mon john, come over. please. i will beg."
pause.
"john?"
"i'm here"

"well... are you gonna come over?"
"... you have to beg first."
i laughed.
"PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEEEASE!!"
"more"
"PRETTY PLEASE!!"
"more"

"oh john, come already."

"hmm... no"
he hung up. i hung up too and threw the phone to the side.
"what'd he say?"
"he said no and hung up."

"why?"

"i have no idea" i said a little annoyed that he made me do all that for nothing.
"oh well... thanks anyway" leanne said shyly to me.
"no problem. i'll kill him later tho."
we both laughed.
some time later, i don't know how much, but after i had sent leanne home, john knocked on my window.
oh, now he comes over!
i opened the window and he climbed in.
"oh, NOW you come over!"
"yep." he smiled that smart-alick smile.
i sighed.
"you missed leanne"
"huh?"

"she was here earlier, i just sent her home."
"oh, what does it matter?" i had to admitt i was a little surprised that he of all ppl would say that about a best friend of both of ours.
"uh... well... she's... our best friend.... i thought-"
"i know, but i'm just here to help you study, plus it sounded really sexy to have a girl beg to me. PLEEEEASE!! PLEEEEASE!!" he mimiced me but gave a more slutish tone to it.
"OH GOD! PLEEEASE JOHN! CUM ALREADY! OH JOHN!"
I punched him in the arm and we laughed.
"hey, you were the one asking for more" i retorted.
"so!"

we laughed again.
"more" i said pretending to be a guy.
"moore!" i said again like i was having sex.
"MORE!!" we both said grabbing eachother and pretending to dry hump.

then we fell to the floor and laughed. "okay" i gasped, "lets get started"
"oh, okay" john smiled and he pulled me to the bed, layed me down, then got on top of me.
"NO! I MEANT THE STUDYING!"
"oh! darn" he laughed. i laughed. we both laughed.

i met up with mrs. storn after school. "ma'am"
"yes" she said heavily.
"have you graded the tests yet?"
"some"

"have you graded mine?"

there was a pause, then... i think... she actually smiled at me.
"better" was all she said and i smiled too.

after school me john and leanne started buying stuff for the party. trent and joleen will start clearing the area that the party will be held in, make it ready for decorations and stuff. i had some party bowls at my house already so we didn't need them. leanne bought two bags of hard candy, which i hate. john bought four bags of chewy candy, which i love. he bought two bags of swedish fish (love them!) and two bags of twizlers (yay!).
one for each of us. i, on the other hand, had spent my money on something else. a missletoe. i held it out to john and leanne, who were standing side by side. leanne glanced at john and he glanced at her, and they both blushed again.
"nice ain't it?" i said proudly, "took me an entire three seconds to pick it out."
they both smiled. later, my dad went back to the store and bought some chips and dip, came back to me and bitched at me telling me how stupid i was for not buying something like chips and dip. god. get over yourself dad. it's your money anyway.

we all agreed we could only invite two ppl to come. when that happened i looked over and john and leanne, "soo... you guys wanna come to a party with me or someth'n"
everyone either smiled and giggled. john said yes and leanne said no. john looked at her perplexed. "oh. so, do you want to go with me?" he asked. i tried to fight a smile.
"sure" she laughed. her cheeks bright red. i could sense the love dweling deep deep in side of her. oh. SO CUTE!!

again, i imagined them two together. awww, smily face! two days had passed and the party was to begin. since leanne had refused to come when i had invited her, i invited kevin, some jock of a guy who had his eye's on me for some time. trent invited two girls name anna and rejeena. joleen invited her sister, margret, and her boyfriend, mark.
they would come that night. me, john, trent, and leanne are adding a few touches to the room while joleen had left to make sure everybody had the right time, and to get some extra food since i had accidently eaten a bag of sour and cream chips and dip, also me and john had eaten both bags of swedish fish. trent and leanne were in the kitchen putting the food in the bowls. john sat at the couch in the, for now, the party room watching me pace around the room. "just put it some where" he said.
"no, it has to be perfect."
"it's a missletoe."

"oo! i know!" i ran to the door, i wasn't going to put it on top of the door frame, too obvious, so i put it a little farther into the room, almost unnoticeable. problem was, i couldn't reach. john laughed at my expence. after a few failed tries he came and did it for me. "thanks" i smiled. he didn't smile back. he just stared at the missletoe then slowly tilted his head along with his eyes to me. we were under the missletoe.
"oh no!" i waved my hand.
"what?" he asked.
"i'm not kissing you, remember what happened the first time. i missed!"
he laughed a little, half giggle, half laugh, or maybe that was a chuckle not a giggle. "yeah" he touched between his upper lip and his right nostral.
"grr" i said, "rawr!" i wailed.
"oh well, that was when we were eight, we're what, 17 now?"
"yeah"
"so it doesn't matter, we know we're just friends, it's a christmas thing. lets go for it."
"okay. one condition tho."
"what is it?"
"you have to kiss leanne under this missletoe too"
"is this why you bought the missletoe in the first place"
"yes" i gave a fake smiled and he gave a stern look.
"waht...? i was kidding..." i tried to save myself and leanne.
"i don't care"
"what?"
"just kiss me"

"okay..."
we were quiet for a while, waiting for the other to move. i moved forward and he did too. when i saw that i moved back, and so did he. finally i was like, fuck it, and i just planted one on him. after a second of touching his lips i felt like i was kissing my brother and pulled away. more silence, this silence stuff was getting annoying to me.
"well-" i started, but next i knew his lips were what ended my sentence.
he kissed me, one long compelling kiss. then he gave me little kisses then. after we both gasped for breath, we both went in for one long kiss. i felt his tongue slip into my mouth and i did the same to him. next i knew i was fighting an impossible war with his tongue. i was trying to keep his tongue out of my mouth but at the same time push my tongue past his into his mouth. we were both at it. if this is what kissing my brother was like... well... then i hope insest isn't against the law, or only applies to you when your 18. finally i had to pull away, i needed to breath. i was a little shy about breathing on john, i had always been a little shy about breathing on anybody. even tho john had been okay with it, and i thought it was so sexy, but still. it was then that i realized that our arms were around eachother. his hand at my lower back and mine locked under his arms and around his shoulders. his chest was pressing against mine and i was breathing at the same rate he was. i let go of him thinking of leanne. "well. i didn't miss" i said proudly.
he smiled at me.
at the same time he kept his hands on my lower back. "uh" leanne said holding a bowl full of twizlers. without thinking i pushed john hands down and grabbed leanne by her wrist while simaltaniously taking the bowl out of her hands and said it wasn't full enough and that i was gonna go put in more. i placed her in the(or near) exact spot me and john had been kissing. "see you" i said waving and smiling. i placed the bowl full of twizlers on the counter. hmm.. i just realized that it couldn't be more full. damn it bowl, why'd you have to be so full of it?!
trent and i talked a while about the party and school. trent is an okay guy, or was, untill he meantioned leanne and john maybe hooking up soon. suddenly i felt jealous, but then was overwhelmed with joy. smiley face!
but he kept saying it over and over that it was getting on my nerves, i couldn't listen to it. i left.

that night at the party i asked john if he had kissed leanne yet, he didn't smile at me, he just nodded in agreement. i did smile tho. then i left to go find leanne right after i gave him a hug and told him thanks for keeping his word. he just nodded at me. i talked to leanne about it and she remarked how amazing he was, even tho he just pecked her softly on the lips. i was so happy for her that i hugged her and picked her up off the ground. for someone as short as i was i sure could lift up somebody like leanne. im not saying she's fat, i'm just saying she's heavy, full of muscle. after that i let her freak out about the party and take care of everybody who showed up. i sat on the couch taking in everybody's identity for my furture career in writing. and what better way to learn how to describe a character in a book than to look and study ppls profiles? mark, joleens bf, was tall, about 6 foot 1 or something. he had curly black hair that stopped above his perfect blue eyes. at the party he wore a white sweater with black kacki pants with red sneakers. john, was only a few inches taller than me. he had dark black hair, green eyes and the softest lips ever. wait... what? no, i mean. today he wore what he wore ealier, a black sweater with black pants and purple shoes. rejeena wore a pink sweater and hot pink pants and red sneakers. i got bored after rejeena and just told myself they all looked the same. i laid on the couch uber tired. i wanted to fall asleep but i couldn't. i hate this sickness. i don't have a temperature but i feel horrible. sortof. just mostly tired and not hungry. "how you feeling?" john asked as he slumped down next to me. i leaned against him and just said i was tired. "oh" it was quiet after that. i closed my eyes, not to sleep, just to rest them. you know? i don't know how long after that but i felt myself being picked up and carried away. i opened my eyes and kevin was holding me. john was behind him watching me. "he's just taking you to your bed, okay?"
"oh... okay" my cheeks burned slightly, but mostly becuz i was embarrassed they thought i was sleeping, and a little humiliated that i couldn't enjoy a party being held at my house becuz my eyes needed resting. kevin put me gently on the bed and i just snuggled in with my pillows. i thought he was gonna leave but he didn't, he laid next to me instead. it was okay, i just closed my eyes to try and sleep. when i started falling asleep i felt kevin's sexual intentions on me. next i knew he began to touch my shoulder. i told myself to wake up but i was too dazed. his hand coressed my arm he ran his fingers down to my wrist. then back up. i groaned trying to wake up. the bottons on my pants came undone, then the zipper. i shifted. a hand went in and i woke up. i screamed sitting up. kevin put his hand over my mouth and pushed me back down on my back. he climbed on top of me and told me to shut up. there was a struggle. then a slap. he hit me and i was once again dazed to a point that i could do nothing. he rushed to pull down my pants and lift my shirt part way up. when i moved to defend myself he hit me again, so i didn't move at all. but i do have pride, and that pride wouldn't let some guy hit me and get away with it, i couldn't fight him, but i could get some help. i screamed. at the top of my lungs i screamed for help. he slap and punched me till i shut up. then john plowed through the door, or he would've, if it wasn't locked. he banged against the door repeatedly, and shouted to me "what is going on! emily! are you alright!"
then trent shouted too. and i think i heard leanne somewhere in the mess. john stopped shouting but the banging didn't relent. "bitch!" kevin swore at me and started to strangle.
instintively i began to kick but he was wedged between my legs and i couldn't do anything about that. i started hitting over and over but i couldn't get past his broad shoulders and arms. the light in the room dimmed and i struggled to caugh and breath. as i flailed my arms they began to tingle and move more slowly. i couldn't feel them as well, like they werne't my own arms. glass breaking echoed in my mind. kevin's hands released my throat and i just laid there as i could hear a struggle break out.
cussing was also what i heard. some one fell and hit a door. then that door opened and a cluster of ppl swarmed the room. then all was quiet but there was still ppl talking.

"what the hell are you doing" doing, doing, ing.
"shut the fuck up! i don't have to listen to you bitches! let me up!"
there was a slap and then leanne came into the room. "i called the police. their on their way." i could feel ppl crowding around, someone grabbed me roughly but gently then started giving me CPR. it kinda hurt to have my chest practically pounded on. but it felt so good to taste air. i caughed and gasped for it. oh, so good. "thank you" was the first thign that came into my mind. no body said anything. john was the one who gave me CPR. he too was gasping, the only thing i could do was just snuggle into his arms. i was too tired to do anything else. leanne covered me with a blanket and i realized then i was only wearing my panties. i was so embarrassed i cried. did almost rape still count as rape? sad face.
the party was offically ended and almost everybody went home. my dad was gone still at work. the police took kevin away. joleen, trent, mark, margret, leanne and john were all that was left. joleen, mark and trent cleaned up the party decorations and put the food bowls in the kitched where leanne and margret put them away or threw them away. john laid with me in my bed. i was still covered with only the blanket. he wrapped his arms around me and held me close to him. in the silence i couldn't help but ask "did you?"
pause.
"did i what?"

"you know... see anything" i blushed. i dont know why i was suddenly self consious about john seeing my brest, he has before. me and him used to take showers together, first with bathing suits then with nothing. don't you dare think that me and him did anything sexual, cuz we didn't. HA! we first started doing that becuz i had a bad dream that every time i was alone i drowned, so i was too afraid to take a bath by myself, even a shower. and ever since then we've always taken a shower together, almost every time. almost. but you can see why i was confused about me caring about him seeing me naked when he has many, many times before.
"i saw him on top of you, then my fist in his face"
"no, i mean... did you see... my-... me..."
pause.
"yes... and no..."
"what do you mean?"
i wriggled to face him.
"yes, i saw you, and no i didn't. i was more worried about you to really care about what you were... or weren't wearing."

i blushed and snuggled more into his arms. "thank you"
he held me tighter and said nothing. but that was all he needed to.

school was back on, kevin was no where to be found, and my dad had no clue. i met up with leanne in the girls bathroom
"what is it?"
"hey Em, i... was just wondering if i could ask you a favor."
"sure"

"well-"
"you want me to ask john if he's interested?"
she blushed.
"how did you know?"
"i had a hunch" i shrugged and smiled.
"well.. yeah, i do."
"okay, i will." we hugged and left to our next classes. after 5th period i called john over to my locker, leanne saw and left in the other direction.

he hugged me and asked if i was doing okay. he's asked that question every five minutes since the almost rape. "yes, thank you. hey i need to ask you something"
he put his arm over my shoulder like he had always done since we were little. the picture of me and him at thirteen that was on my night stand flashed in my mind. then the idea of him and leanne together came followed. suddenly a fight seemed to break out between the too images. me and john's picture, and leanne and john together. suddenly i felt empty. "are you interested...."

"in what?" he asked.

"are you interested in...." oh my god... i forgot my friends name. what is her name? what was i supposed to do again? wait... what?

"interested in what?" he asked with that stern expression of his.

i just stared at his green eyes. they seemed nicer to me then they had before. i looked down a littled shamed and embarrassed. not becuz i forgot my friends name or what i was supposed to ask, but becuz... well.. i don't know why i did it, it was just how i suddenly felt.
"what is it?"
i blushed.

"oh, i forgot. i'll tell you when i remember."

"oh, okay."
the tardy bell rang again, damn, i'm always late.

"okay, you square those to numbers" john pointed at my math homework. we were sitting on my bed and he was helping me with math.
"okay, now what?"
"add them together"
"the numbers i multiplied?"
"no, the sum of the numbers you multiplied"
"oh. okay"

"now what?"
"you find the square root of that number."
"how do i do that?"
"what two numbers make up 500?"
"i don't know."
he hit his forehead. "okay, i think we need a break" he chuckled. or gigled, i don't know which.
"so what were you gonna ask me earlier today?"
"huh?"
"you asked me if i was interested in something, but you never finished."

"oh yeah, um..." i blushed. what was it holding me back from asking if he was interested in leanne. he was my best friend, and so was she. we all were best friends. it had always been my goal to be the best of of a friend i could be. "are you interested in..."
i spoke solemly, almost emptily. i felt empty. but... why?
john leaned closer to me. "interested... in..."

he scooted closer to me, "i get it" he said.
"what? have you been reading my mind again?"
"no, i don't have to"
"... is it that obvious...? so the whole time you knew?"
"no, but... i've felt it too."
i couldn't help but smile. he leaned in and i realized he had gotten the wrong idea.
"so you like leanne then?" i stopped him. he pulled away from me with a surprised expression. "...what?"
"leanne, you like her?"
pause.
"what?"
"i was gonna ask if you were interested in her... and you are," i smiled,"right?"
worry and hurt passed along his face, then he gave that stern look again. "yes"
he stood up and started leaving.
"john?"
"i have to go" pulled the cardboard cover off my window. since john broke my old window to save me that was my knew window for now. me and john drew on it. made a windo frame and behind that frame was a a lake and a tree and all that beautiful stuff. he climbed through my window, "wait, where? go to where?"
"i'll talk to you later" he said struggling to pull the cardboard back over.
"wait!" i ran to him. "why? what's going on?"
pause.
he kissed my cheek and just said he had to go do something, and that he'll talk to me tomorrow. all that night i felt so hurt and empty all night.

i woke up caughing so hard my chest felt like it was gonna explode, then later i caughed again but harder, so hard i puked. i couldn't go to school that day becuz of my puking. why me?
leanne called me right after school and told me john had asked her out. i guess that's what he had to do. i praised her and told her i was so happy for her. i really was. but i felt so empty. john called me later and told me the same thing, i told him i was happy for him, but with less enthusiasism. actually, no enthusiansism, at all.
"something wrong?"
"no nothing, i'm just sick."
pause.
"oh"

i felt distant from him for the first time. i glanced at the picture of me and him again on my night stand. i really loved that picture.
"so... what'd you do all day?" he asked.
"oh nothing, just puked" i said calmly.
"oh, you feeling okay?"
"yes thank you. what did you and leanne do today?"
"oh... nothing much... just... talked.. and made out... nothing really"
"great" i gave fake enthusiasism. so fake it sounded real. even i believed it for a minute.
"yeah..."
"she a good kisser or what?"

"you sound like you know" he gave that chuckle, giggle laugh. and i laughed too.
i was feeling better now. "oh... well... i might..."
pause.
"...what?"
"i'm kidding"
"oh." we laughed.
"well, yeah she's good, not the best i've ever had, but still good."
"uh! that's mean!"
"well it's true"
"least your honest.who's the best kisser you've ever had then?"

pause.
"you"

i blushed.
"i know, jacob said the same thing"

puase.
"yeah... i actually mean it"
"oh, so your saying he lied to me"
"he lied to you about a lot of things, why should that be any different?"
"ouch"

"it's true"
"okay, so i'm a better kisser."
"well"
"well what?"
"who's the best kisser you've ever had, or met, or what ever"
now it was my turn to pause. i honestly didn't know.
"you" i finally said since he was the only name that came to my mind.
he paused.
"hey, i have to go."
"go where?"
pause.
"i just have to go"
he hung up.

i sighed and just tried to sleep.

a few months went by and it at last had been three and a half years since leanne and my ex boy friend betrayed me.

john was holding leanne's hand when they met up with me by my locker. the school year was ending so i was getting my non-used books out to return them to my teachers. leanne gave john one of those little short kisses on the lips then pulled away like they didn't do anything but they both gave a smile that said they knew something somebody else didn't. i caughed a few times into a tissue, i've been caughing for months now and was growing acustom. "you should get that caugh checked out"
"i should" i said it in such a way that anybody would know that i wasn't gonna do it.
"i mean it" john pressed.
"yeah Emma, you should" leanne agreed. she stopped calling me Em, and changed it to Emma. i had to admit it was cute, but i no longer liked the little nick names. Em, Emma, no, it's neither of those, it's Emily! Emily Rubric.

leanne went home while me and john sat at his house. he has such a lovely house, his mother decorated it herself. and then his father took it from her in the custady hearing. but for now john's father was gone and it was just me and him. we stood facing eachother for a long time. i held my head low. it was only a month ago when i realized i liked him. and regretted not kissing him that night in my room. but i had to. for leanne.
"i'm gonna take a shower" i said turning away from him.

he came into the bathroom with me, he didn't need to say anything, he was gonna take one with me. we undressed and i turned the water on. warm water. always. we washed up in the shower. this one seemed longer then all the other ones.

i didn't face him and folded my arms together over my chest. "so you and leanne are doing great huh?"
"i guess"
"you guess?"
he said nothing. i faced him. "what's going on?" i sounded concerned, tho i was really hopefull. "just don't connect, not the way-"
"what way?"
he stared down at me. "the you and me do"
i blushed. i gave him a soft look and turned away again. i wanted to cry. but i wouldn't, leanne was happy, john was semi happy. wait, semi happy. who did i care about most?
"john..." i faced him. he held his head down then looked at me. "hm?"
"are you happy?"
"happy? what do you mean?"
"what will make you happy?"
pause.
"what are you saying?"
"i just wanna know, what will make you happy."
"well, there are several things, a blow job for one will be great!" he gave a joking smile and i punched him in his arm. "i mean it"
"well..."
"are you happy with leanne?"
pause.
"...i guess"
"do you love her?"
"what!" he took a few baby steps back.
"i'm just saying,"
"what are you saying?"
"i just want you to be happy"

pause.

"don't worry about it emi" he said softly.

he called me emi when we were younger, then grew out of it and called me emily or em.
i had to say i missed that little nick name. i caughed again.
"i just need to know..."
he steped closer to me and held me at my elbows. he leaned in and i pulled away. "i'm sorry"
"don't be"
"why not?"
"becuz i wanted you to."
pause.
"i-"
i started caughing again, when i stopped he opened his mouth to talk again but i caughed once more and this time i didn't stop. suddenly i puked on the out side of the tub. when i looked, i realized it was blood. i puked more blood out then gasped for breath. john grabbed me and that was last i could remember. i woke up three days later in the hospital. john was sleeping in a chair near my bed. i took a deep breath not sure what was going on.

"emily" my dad came into the room. "you alright?" he asked.
i nodded "yes"

"emi?" john said rubbing his eyes.
"what's go'n on?" i asked.
"sweety..." my dad started, "john can you leave us alone for a minute?"
john hesitated, then nodded and left. i could see him pacing out side the door.
"sweety you have cancer"
"...wh-... what?"
"baby i'm so sorry, i should've taken you to get checked out when you stopped eating."
"what....?"
"baby i'm so sorry, this is all my fault." that was the first time my dad had blamed himself for something, always, no matter how outragously impossible, he blamed me for everything. and now this time he was blaming himself. "you mean i've ... had this for years?"
he looked grim, then nodded not looking at me. i took in a deep breath and then caughed once again. my dad came rushing to my side. "does john know?"

"the doctors only told me, and i told nobody else."
i didn't say anything for a while so my dad took a seat in the chair that john was sitting in.

"baby i'm sorry. i talked to the doctor and they told me treatment would be pointless. it's better that you stay here and-"

"die"
"baby-"
"no dad! i'm gonna continue the things were, who else knows?"
"nobody"
"good. keep it that way"
i started to cry.
"baby"

"no!"


i was released from the hospital a week later. by then school had ended and it was summber vacation. john broke up with leanne and leanne cried at my house. i had a new window made but i kept the cardboard cover, i stapled it next to the window. i only got confused a few times. i'm still caughing. but at least i'm not caughing up blood.

i was reading a 651 paged book and was almost done when john knocked on my window. my dad was gone at work, so it was just me. i signaled that the window was unlocked. he climbed in. his eyes were so watery they seemed blood shot. "what's wrong?" i asked putting down my book. he shifted and told me he knew i had cancer.
"what? how- what?"
"i know emi, i know you have cancer."
"you read my mind... didn't you."
he nodded. suddenly my hand moved across his face and the room echoed with a loud smacking sound. i started to cry, "you promised"
he wrapped his arms around me and and we both started crying. i felt his emotions starting to dwel in me, i pushed them away but changed my mind and let them in. anger and frustration was the first thing i felt, then sadness, and love. he was in love with somebody. "john..."
he sniffled.
"are you happy?"
"no"

i said nothing and burried my head in his chest. i pushed his emotions away, i didn't feel like feeling. "are you?"
"i had you as my best friend, of course i'm happy" i pulled away from him and took the picture of me and him at 13 off the nightstand. "you still have that...?"
"yeah, it's my favorite picture"
"emi..."
"hm?" i didn't want to look at him, i felt dead, i was half glad he knew and half mad he did. "i love you"

i chest sank. for some reason the thought this isn't right came to me when he said that.
i thought about it a few minutes, he turned to leave, "i love you too"

his chest rose heavily up and down. then he came to me and kissed me. i actually was happy at this point. we slept in the same bed (didn't do anything sexual.HA!) that night.
i snuggled into his chest and he again whispered to me "i love you"

and of course, i said it back.

at two o'clock in the morning of may 31st of the year 1999, Emily Rubric died of lucemia in the arms of john caster. after two years without Emily, John took his life and left a note saying he wanted to be burried next to the love of his life. leanne carter moved to california and met up with jacob, the two of them got back together and eventually married. five years into the married leanne cheated on jacob with his best friend and devoriced. emily's father died a few years after john's suicide. mark broke up with joleen for her sister margret and joleen slept with mark's best friend, brother, and father, in marks bed. later she and trent got together and to this day are still going strong. kevin was released from prision and then stabbed by the boyfriend of the girl he was trying to get in bed with. he died two days later of internal bleeding. john was in fact, burried next to emily. on both of their tombstones, was a picture of john and emily at the age of thirteen. john in his black jacket and black ski cap with the purple rim. emily in her pink jacket and her white ski cap with the pink rim. john with his arm around emily's shoulder. emily hold that arm. their head's tilted together, touching. both of them smiling at the camera.


THE END