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jennaferz

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There was a long silence between them, and it was unlike any that she had ever felt.

“You were a virgin,” he said slowly, “weren’t you?”

“I was,” she answered coldly. “What about it?”

“Nothing,” he said quickly. “I mean, I just…hate to see you transforming yourself so much, you know? I don’t want the Deni that I fell in love with to disappear.”

“It’s too late for that,” she replied airily. “That girl is already gone.”

They both glanced at the door as they heard the lock turning, and Deni stood quickly as Jeremy entered.

“I’m ready to go,” she announced, and Jeremy swiveled his gaze between her and Taylor.

“What about you, Taylor?” he asked. “Are you ready for her to leave?”

“Just give us about five more minutes,” he answered. “Alone, okay?”

“Sure.” Jeremy backed out of the room, locking it again. Deni didn’t sit back down, didn’t even turn to face him.

“I told you I wanted to go,” she said, her voice low. “Why are you toying with that? I don’t want to be here with you anymore.”

He stood up, crossed the room, and grabbed her arm so that she was facing him. Still she avoided eye contact, but he put his finger under her chin and pushed it up so that they were face-to-face.

“Look me in the eyes,” he said softly, his voice so low it was practically a husky whisper, “and tell me that you didn’t miss me.”

Pain entered her eyes, but true to her resolution, no tears fell.

“Look me in the eyes,” he repeated, “and tell me you don’t love me.”

Still she said nothing.

“The reason why I asked if you were a virgin was because I wanted to be the one you gave that to,” he whispered. “I still love you, Deni. No matter how much you change yourself, no matter how much you mold yourself to be invincible or whatever the hell you want to call it, I’ll always be here if you change your mind.”

He let go of her and she turned away, staring at the ground, fighting at the tears that longed to come.

“Don’t you ever touch me again,” she said finally.

When Jeremy opened the door, she darted past him, leaving Taylor staring after her with tears welling in his eyes.

*** *** *** ***

The day wasn’t over yet.

Jeremy caught up with her about halfway down the block. “You don’t think you’re getting away that quickly, do you?”

“I’m not going back,” she snapped at him. “Not even if you drag me, not if you threatened to shoot me. No matter what. You cannot make me go back there.”

“I’m not going to,” he said quietly. “But there’s one more stop we have to make.”

“No!” she shouted at him. “I’m sick of you messing with my emotions! Just leave me the fuck alone, Jeremy!”

She ran away from him down the street, cheeks dry but heart screaming, and he caught her in about two steps.

Holding her tight to him, he stared down into her face and said softly, “You can be done for today, Deni. But you can never get away from it, you know? So why not face it and be strong?”

“I am being strong,” she whispered, eyes wide as she stared up at him. “How can you ask me to be any stronger?”

“Come with me to see Michael,” he whispered. “That would prove it to everyone, wouldn’t it? That you’re not a stupid little girl like people think you are?”

“People think I’m a stupid little girl?” she asked, offended.

“Well, okay, not exactly a stupid little girl,” he hedged, “but--”

“Whatever,” she snapped. “Fine. I’ll go see Michael.  But you cannot expect anything major, okay? I’ll go. I’ll talk. I might even yell. You can just sit there and let me do what I have to do.”

“That works for me,” he told her, “as long as you come.”

*** *** *** ***

Five minutes later, they were knocking on Michael’s hotel room door.
Jeremy was well-prepared, Deni could say that much for him. He had gotten Michael’s room number and even arranged a time for them to meet with him. But as Michael swung the door open, his eyes on Deni’s, and as Jeremy backed out of the room, Deni knew that this was probably a mistake.

She sat down on the motel bed and Michael sat across from her. “I’m glad you came,” he said quietly. “I have a lot that I want to explain to you.”

She didn’t look at him, instead examining her fingernails. “Start explaining,” she answered coldly.

She heard him take a deep breath and finally glanced up at him. He was staring at her with such a pleading look in his eyes as he began to speak.

“I didn’t want to take the job,” he began. “But I work for my dad’s law firm, and…he practically forced me. Honestly, Deni, I would rather take any job than one that tries to pardon the man that killed your mother. You know how I feel about you…”

She didn’t say anything, and he continued, “But my dad told me that he was sure I could win this case, and he said it was my big break, and I just couldn’t turn him down, you know? And I’m so scared to go back and tell him that I lost…because if I won, he was going to promote me to partner.”

“I don’t really want to hear your excuses,” she told him coolly. “That’s not why I came.”

“Why did you come?” he asked hesitantly.

“Because,” she answered, “Jeremy practically forced me.”

He stifled a laugh, but his expression quickly changed back to somberness. “I just want to tell you I’m sorry.”

“Sorry isn’t good enough,” she snapped. “I’ve already told you how sick I am of that word.”

He sighed. “Deni, I don’t know what to say except for that I never meant to hurt you.”

She shook her head. Another overused line. “Just let me talk for a minute, okay?” she said, and Michael nodded. “You can’t possibly know how much of a jolt I felt when I saw you up there defending the man who killed my mother. Someone I thought was on my side…or the betrayal I felt when I called you and heard that girl in the background. You’ve let me down, Michael.”

“I don’t have a commitment to you,” he snapped. “There was no reason I shouldn’t have been with Elizabeth. And besides that, I can’t help the way you feel. If you felt betrayed, if you feel strongly enough about me to feel betrayed, why did you reject me at the end of camp?”

“I didn’t know the world, not really,” she whispered. “I didn’t know there was any good in the world, because all I had seen of it was the bad. From my one-sided point of view, it looked like there was no way on earth that we could ever work together. You have to understand that, Michael.”

He wasn’t listening. “And how can you blame me for being with Elizabeth after you and this Taylor guy? Don’t be such a hypocrite, Denise.”

“Hypocrite?” she repeated. “You’re calling me a hypocrite? Well, God, I don’t even know what to call you, Michael--what can you call a bastard who tries to pardon the man that murdered my mother?”

“Jeremy told me he was taking you to see Taylor,” Michael countered. “Why were you going to visit the person that arranged the death of your mother?”

“Don’t judge me,” she hissed. “Don’t accuse me of things when you have no idea what you’re talking about. I bet you can’t quote for me what I said to Taylor, and I can assure you it was nothing good. So shut your fucking mouth, Michael.” She stood up, grabbed her coat, and turned to walk out--and then Michael caught her arm.

Spinning her toward him, he closed his eyes and pressed his lips to hers, opening his mouth, wrapping his arms around her body. When he pulled away, she was shaking, her eyes squeezed tightly shut, her hands pressed to her face.

“I’m sorry, Deni,” he whispered hoarsely, staring at her with wide eyes, brilliant with tears. “I didn’t mean to--”

“Please just leave me alone,” she whispered, turning away, eyes haunted by sorrow although no wetness perjured their chilling glaze.