Pregnant at Thirteen.....

My Name Is Megan And This Is My Story....................................

My story starts with a depression so deep I contemplated suicide at the age of eleven.

Looking back I know that the hormones during puberty were causing an imbalance in my brain.

But when your eleven you don't know about depression. I tried writing letters to my mom.

To tell her how sad I was and how alone I felt. I never got an answer. I still to this day have no idea how

she could read letters covered in tear stains from her young daughter and not try to help.

Somehow I managed to stay afloat in what felt like the Vacant Sea of sorrow.

I found myself looking for love wherever I could get it. I was looking for someone to show outwardly that they cared. Even if Inwardly they did not.

At the age of twelve I thought I had finally found what I was looking for......................................................................

That's where Chris came in. He was a boy from a broken home. Who was sad too. Together we could cry and get angry.

We could rage against the way we felt. We were unstoppable. It was us against the world. We were Bonnie and Clyde.

At least thats what Chris said............... I was willing to do anything to make him love me including giving him something I could never get back.

Myself. For a year we flouted authority. We did whatever we could to make everyone hate us. In our eyes they already did.

One day while walking down the street after skipping school. Chris said he had an idea. A way that we would not have to go to school anymore.

He would get me pregnant. Then we would be parents. Parents don't have to go to school.

It didn't take Chris long to find a new Bonnie. Someone who was more daring. Willing to really live on the edge. Together they stole a car.

And were arrested. Chris was taken to Juvenile hall. Where he would spend the next 18 months. With the exception of a few weekend visits.

Shortly after, I realized my period was late. I went to Walmart and stole a three pack of pregnancy tests.

At home with my older sister Andrea. I took the first test, positive. I took the second, positive.

My sister said they must be wrong and to take the last one.

POSITIVE.

At the age of thirteen I was pregnant......... I was to young to realize the hardships I would have to over come. To me my baby was going to be an adventure.

My best friend. Someone who would love me forever. Someone who would always listen. Someone I could always hug and hold.

My mom and Chris's mom along with practically everyone I knew, wanted me to have an abortion. I was tiny and way to young. They feared for my life.

In my eyes abortion was never an option. I fell in love with my baby from the minute I saw the plus sign. I could have considered adoption. However I wasn't old enough to think rationally. I wanted my baby.

My dad was almost excited. He announced my pregnancy like it was his own. He pampered and protected me. He even cleaned up after my morning sickness. He was my rock.

In my thirteenth week of pregnancy I was having sever abdominal cramps. I thought I was losing my baby. I think everyone hoped I would.

I underwent a multitude of tests. And an ultrasound. Only to find out I had a bladder infection. During the ultrasound I found out I was expecting a boy.

When I told my dad, I thought he was going to go through the roof with excitement. (He had four daughters)

I decided to look in the Bible for a name. I closed my eyes shuffled the pages and found myself in the Book of Joshua.

I picked Tayler as his middle name. Inspired by a crush I had on Jonathan Tayler Thomas. (Home Improvement)

My pregnancy was very uneventful. And though I was tiny. Weighing in at 126lbs when I was admitted to the hospital. I carried my baby for 43 weeks. The doctor decided he would induce. So at the age of fourteen. At 9:50 pm on Thursday March 6th I gave birth (vaginally) to a 9lbs 5oz Healthy baby boy. Though he was healthy. I took a turn for the worst. I begin hemorrhaging uncontrollably. And went into a toxemia induced coma. I remember seeing Joshua come out. They laid him on my stomach. I was crying so hard everything seemed blurry. I remember trying to pull him up to my chest, while they were cutting his cord. The next thing I remember is waking up in a dark room. I looked around. My mom was there but there was no baby. I thought he died. I woke my mom crying and screaming. "Where is my baby?"

My mom was so relieved to see me awake. She called for the nurses to bring Joshua in. It took a while. The doctor had to come and check on me. And monitor my blood pressure. But finally after what seemed like ages they brought in Joshua. There is no way to explain the emotions. Unless your a parent yourself, you can not understand the overwhelming feeling of seeing your baby for the first time.

We stayed in the hospital for about a week. On Saturday Chris got to visit. Joshua peed all over him. Then he came later that night at about 1:30 am. Completely drunk and badgering the nurses. When he left I picked Joshua up and apologized for Chris being his dad. I kissed his soft head and sang him a song.

For the first three weeks after leaving the hospital. I stayed at home. I wanted my baby all to myself. I held him, talked to him and laughed at him. It was like a very long game of house.

Joshua saved me. He was and always will be my Prozac. This is a poem I wrote after he was born. While watching him sleep in his cradle.

"Alone"

Alone She wrote,

A single note,

A desperate plea for help.

She began to cry,

She wondered why,

She felt the way she felt.

She prayed for the end,

A light beyond the bend,

But nothing ever came.

A seed began to grow,

But what she did not know,

What would be his name.

As small as he was,

He helped her because,

His love made her strong,

At the end of the day,

He never went away,

She held him all night long.

Being a teenage mother is hard. But being a preteen mother is harder. I missed my childhood between depression and then raising a child.

I lost most of my friends. And chose to take care of Joshua instead of pursuing an education.

My son and I have been through a lot. We have grown up together. I would never change the way things happened. But if my story can help them from happening to another teen or preteen I will be glad. Just remember you have options. It Is Your Body Your Choice...................................

If you find yourself facing an unwanted or unexpected pregnancy please e mail me at jades33@hotmail.com God Bless You