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irwinwe

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 So i've never actually read Twilight.  Lol...i know...everyone has read it and everyone talks about it so I seem like a weirdo.  However...I had the urge to write a vampire passage while procrastinating for mid-terms.  So...tell me what you think.  Maybe I'll make something out of it. 

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I stood locked in his embrace, his one arm like a chain around the small of my back, the other at the base of my neck, not quite as hard. His fingers ran from my hairline to my collar, sensuously, reverently. His lips parted, his eyes became a halcyon glow, and I had no choice but to become beholden to them, as I had only hundreds of times before after we had kissed, and we stood embracing like this. It was happening again, the trial, the test to see if he could resist me. My body trembled, my chest rose and fell, my heart danced frantically against my chest cavity as if it was sounding the drumming rhythm of imposing fate. Whether this was from fear or from desire was not clear to me. It almost seemed as if fear and desire, when I was with this man, were the same thing. I feared because he desired me. And when I say “me”, I don't mean he desired me in any normal sense. He desired more than my body, more than my mind, more than my heart, more than anything a human normally desires. He desired my blood, the very thing that kept me alive. He wanted to feel my vitality running through his metaphysical corpse. His cool lips lightly caressed my neck, and I could feel more cool air as he inhaled my scent, sifting a little portion of my soul away from me, and then exhaled it slowly, as if I was morphine or nicotine or some other addictive drug.

I may have feared because he desired me, but I also feared because I desired him. He magnetized me somehow, and I didn't know how to stop him, or stop myself, from molding into his cold, stone-like figure like I was a warm slab of clay. I arched my neck back subconsciously so that his lips could have all the freedom they wished to roam upon my vital flesh. His breath rasped out, inhaled shakily, exhaled lustily. His mouth was open. He exhaled hotly again, this time with greater force. He was fighting it, but didn't know if he could resist this time. He growled deeply, ravenously, the sound raspy and starved for the gargling of sustenance, my sustenance. He was going to bite me.

I had known all along that it would come to this. He said he loved me, and that he wanted me too much for the favorable outlook of my health. He had told me to run away from him, that he would only hurt me in the end, because my blood was the sweetest of all, and he would inevitably kill me because his willpower would not be strong enough. But I had refused to leave him, even when he became “the creature”. I simply could not. My desire for him was binding, as if my blood was what kept him figuratively alive, and his strength what kept me literally so. But now, it would all come to this.

Finally, I panicked enough to loosen myself from his entrancing aura, and I tried to writhe away from him. But he gripped me harshly against him again, growling on a low murmur, “mine”. He rasped, exhalations coming in pants. “I want you” he said loudly, on a low, nonstandard note, partly human and partly demonic, as if he had spoken with a chorus of manic devils. I whimpered, “Oh God.” I knew that the rising and falling of my breasts against his chest, and the feel of my warm breath against his cool skin, would only encourage his endeavor all the more, but I could not stop myself. We stood there, dancing by breathing, our chests rising and falling powerfully, almost sexually, almost as if we were thrusting to climax. What would happen after he bit me, after he reached his pinnacle? I would die, and he would still have me, yes. But my blood would be gone, and there would be nothing left of me for him to desire. I saw him tilt his head back, just slightly, and watched as he let out a sadistic moan of pleasure, which vibrated through me uncannily, as if my fate was already sealed and the demon was already in me. Another moan emerged not long after, but when his eyes settled ravenously on me again I realized that I had made it, and my mouth opened in shock. My body subconsciously wanted him to do this. The demon inside of him was trying to infest me now. I shook my head frantically and tried to push against him. He opened his mouth, and I whimpered again when I saw how his teeth had grown. He looked like a deathly pale warlock, an overgrown black-haired wolf-man, poised and ready for attack. This was not the man I knew anymore. The demon had overcome him.

“Caderyn” I whispered to him, shakily, frenziedly, “Cade, what will happen after the blood is gone?” I heard him growl vigorously at me, as if he didn't care to answer any questions, and how dare I ask him now. “You won't desire me anymore” I kept talking, “because I will be dead, Cade, and I'll be a vampire, and you said vampires don't desire each other”. He laughed, a low abrasive sound. But Cade hadn't heard me, because the demons' desires were too prominent. “Cade” I beseeched loudly, tears coming to my eyes, “Cade listen to me! You promised. You said I could trust you. Don't do this, oh please. If you love me please, please don't do this.” The beast growled louder than before, and I flinched, and screamed, his sound resounding loudly in my ears. I started sobbing, pushing against the creature, but I could go no where. “Please Cade, don't kill me” I sobbed. Then as if something invisible had struck the creature, he shook his head, fighting what looked like himself. “Cade can you hear me?” I yelled tearfully, determined I would help Cade defeat this ugly part of himself, “I love you”.

Then, with a force that made me slam to the ground and lose my breath, the creature threw himself away from me, hurling himself against a large ash tree, its chorus of demons crying out painfully. I dazedly watched as he crouched low against the ash, head in his hands, the sound of the chorus diminishing until it left in its wake a soft breathing, and the incredibly beautiful, albeit sobbing, corpse of the man I knew. My fear left me, my pain became nonexistant to me, and I crawled over to him to comfort him. So he had lost control, but his love for me had finally stopped him, before it was too late. I reached out to run my fingers through his beautiful black hair.

“Don't touch me, Desiree” he spat disgustedly, “you should never touch me again. Don't let me near you.” I sat back on my haunches, stake through my heart.

“Cade, you stopped yourself, it's okay.”

“It's not okay” he said forcefully, “I almost killed you this time. My desire for you just keeps getting stronger. What do you think will happen next time we get too close?” I bowed my head, knowing he was right. Our encounters had only gotten more and more intense, and sooner or later, if he did not figure out how to control himself, the demons would overtake him, and I would be drained of all my blood. We sat there for another moment in silence. He was still breathing heavily, crouched forward, with his face averted in shame, and I was still sitting there beside him, avoiding his touch, and hating every minute of it.

There had to be something that I could do. It seemed as if this fight was all about him, and what he could do to love me and yet avoid killing me. There had to be something I could do to help him fight. I had been the one to bring him out of the demon this time, I thought. I had said I love you, and then Cade had gathered the strength to throw the demon away. I could learn how to fight off his demons too, I thought suddenly. I could learn how to scare them, how to equate with them, and yes, even how to slay them if necessary. Then maybe he could love me freely, without such fear that he would kill me. I looked at his averted face.

“Cade, I am not leaving you. And I will not let you leave me” I told him quietly, and with enough resolve for him to remain silent. He knew not to mess with my convictions.

“I cannot let myself kill you, Desiree.” His voice became a whisper, “I cannot stand to see you afraid of me, sobbing in fear of me, pushing away from me because you think I'm going to betray you.” He turned to look at me, and his halcyon eyes were dimmed and weary, his chiseled face gaunt with exhaustion. “I love you too much to see you suffer like that. And that's why I have to leave you, Desiree. I have to.”

I shook my head, disbelievingly at first, and then angrily. “No” I said to him, lifting my chin in defiance, “I will learn to fight your demons if I have to, but I will not let you do that Cade.”

“It should not have to be your responsibility to fight my demons. That is my job. And if I cannot fully do it, then I am not ready to be with you. I need some time alone. I need to get stronger, Desiree, not you.” His eyes searched mine for understanding.  I refused it.

I looked down at my black fingernail polish instead, which was chipping now, and I started picking at it distractedly, thinking of something spectacular to say to sway him. But I knew that he wasn't going to give this up. He would leave me. I knew he would.

“I'll be watching you” he whispered, as he reached out to touch my blonde waves. I flinched away from him, this time not from fear, but with bitterness. I saw his hand drop back down to his lap in my periphery. “It will have to be at a distance, but I will watch over you.” I still made no move to look at him. “Desiree, I will come back to you. Once I am stronger, I will come back to you, I promise.”

I didn't want to cry, but my lip seemed to tremble of its own free will, and my breath seemed to jerk from my lungs as if my mind had no bearing at all. That is how I knew I loved him. Nothing about us made sense in my head, where I had so many times tried to reason with myself, deny the fact that he was real. But it made sense everywhere else. I collapsed into uncontrollable sobs. My mind wanted me to fight him when reached for me to cradle me against his chest, but everything else would not let me, and I let him hold me.

“I love you Desiree” he whispered, “you have to remember that I'm leaving because of that.”

It was a time before I was able to nod. But I did.