Created By

irwinwe

Rate this Story

Embed

NOTE: This is not a rendition of the previous Professor Kane 3 written.  That scene will probably still be included in the story...it will just come much later.  The reason I decided to let this entry be the Professor Kane 3 rendition is because...well...Ellen is taking a step forward.  It's noteworthy...thus I'm acknowledging it with the "3".  Finally.  Ignore the old 3-6 for now.  Did that make sense?  Probably not.  Sweet!  Enjoy...

***

"Ye should go tae bed, love" Rachel told me softly as she took note of my dazed face.  She was wearing her robe, and her own eyes looked tired.  She'd been studying for exams all week, and she had been peacefully sleeping until she'd had to come pick me up from the pub.  I felt guilty until I realized that her drained state could hardly douse her ability to speak her mind.  "And I willna allow ye tae go tae tha' pub again.  Seems something ill is always happening when ye do."

"Nothing bad happened" I answered her, focusing my eyes on the wall before me, though through my trance I could still see Kane's green eyes clearly flashing before me.  

"Och, right, and ye normally stare off into space like a looney" she refuted sarcastically, "I doona believe ye."

I shook my head suddenly as if to clear it, but only succeeded in becomming more internally flustered.  I closed my eyes tightly, but that did not help overly much either, as a green haze materialized fleetingly in my darkened mind.  Specs of silver flickered in the green's periphery, as if the green was powerfully prominent now, yet the silver had the final say, and contained the bigger picture.  I opened my eyes as quickly as I had shut them, and exhaled with frustration, keeping my gaze on the wall.  Silver and green?  What?  

"I really doona believe ye" she said again, looking at me as if I had lost my mind.  Perhaps I had lost my mind.  Perhaps I'd been another woman cursed by the kryptonite-gone-raw passion aura that was Kane MacAllister.  Or, rather, perhaps the iron will of a certain rash brigand had affected it beyond repair.    

"I just..." I started, not really knowing how to tell her what had just happened, "...have you ever kissed one man while you were looking at another?"

She stared down at me for a second, then raised her brows.  "Canna say tha' I 'ave.  I 'ave done far worse things than tha', but never tha'.  Why?  Is tha' why ye are so upset, then?  Over a wee kiss?"

"It wasn't just a wee kiss" I came back at her, my eyes leaving the wall for the first time to look bitingly into hers.  I exhaled, "Nevermind, you wouldn't understand."

"Alright then, alright" she said, "I was teasing, aye?  I promise I'll na' poke fun at ye, then, if it meant a lot tae ye.  Wha' was it like, anyway?"

I gave a small huff of laughter.  "What it's like is directly dependent upon who is involved" I answered.  

"Mmm" she agreed, "and then who did ye do it with?"

I sighed, and then looked up at her, with eyes that begged her to understand the near impossible.  "With Iain Ross and...and Dr. MacAllister."

Her mouth dropped, and then she promptly sat down on the couch next to me, staring off towards the same wall that I had glared at earlier.  "You are right, then" she murmured, "it was more than just a wee kiss."  There was a long paused before she spoke again, her normally insatiable interrogation now less potent, but still taking siege on our circumstance.  "Which one?  Who were ye kissin' and who were ye lookin' at?"

I looked over at her, knowing she was going to make a scene with my admission.  "I was kissing Iain" I said finally.

Her eyes grew.  "I thought ye said ye dinna like him.  I could 'ave sworn I heard ye say tha' he wasna tae be trusted."

"And he still is not" I answered, decidedly, "it's just that he didn't give me much of a choice in the matter.  He sort of...demanded."

"Ha!" She said, "Tha' is just what Ellen Irvine needs in a man.  Somone tae make her angry enough tae equate with him and then make her just as soft and receiving as soon as he touches her." 

"Would you stop?" I exclaimed, "You and my parents are unbelievable.  Trying to make me like a man that I clearly would not be good with.   I just don't see it. Plus, his kiss did pale in comparison to Kane's body language as he watched us."  

She chuckled.  "Ach, ye little fool.  Men dinna 'ave but one body language.  And its mastermind is certainly below the belt, if ye doona mind me sayin'.  Kane and Iain arena different in tha' regard, love."

"Fine, maybe not, but Kane has more soul behind his eyes.  He has a better heart.  He's more sincere.  And that's why Iain isn't right for me."

"How dae ye know if Iain is sincere or na'?  Maybe he just hides his feelings weel, aye?  Maybe he wears a mask until he discovers tha' he can trust someone enough tae be himself around them.  Maybe ye havena given him a chance."

"I've given him plenty of chances.  He's still a reckless, contentious...idiot."

"And tha' is why ye kissed him, aye?" she asked quickly.

"Nice try" I answered sarcastically, "but he kissed me.  I did not kiss him."

I could see her smiling out of the corner of my eye, and for a slight moment I had a tiny inclination to just reach over a smack her.  But for what purpose?  Because she was making astute observations?  I reached forward and took a long swig of my water for composure.  

"Ultimately, though, I doona know whether tae kill ye or tae congratulate ye.  Iain and Dr. MacAllister...those are the two most beautiful men I do believe I 'ave ever seen.  Wha' did ye do to win their eyes, wear a mini-kilt tae class one day and tell them ye'd do favors for an A?" 

I laughed unexpectedly.  "Not at all, actually.  I have been myself.  And as a result, both harsh and caring to both of them.  Well, more harsh to Iain I suppose."

"Fire and Ice" she said blankly, "tha' is wha' men like.  It keeps them guessin'."  Then she stared off into the direction of the wall, deeply in hibernation of the mind.  We stayed there for moments, unspoken thoughts running rampant before us, undiscovered for now.

"Addicting, isn't it?" I murmured with a huff of laughter, referring to the wall-staring.  

She shook her head to clear it as I had done earlier.  "Aye.  It exhausts ye, tha' is for certain."  She looked over at me, breaking the trance.  "I think I'll gae tae bed.  Will ye be alright down 'ere for a while, then?"

I nodded, hugged her, and then watched her leave the room.  And then, upon the decision that I needed to halfway engage my brain in at least something other than men, I nonchalantly involved myself in a game of solitaire with the cards in the center of the table.  I looked at the cards nonstandardly, as if I was matching recent events that had happened in my life, matching circumstances and meanings, in the end making no sense out of it.  The cards ended up in a muddled pile, so I just capitulated.  Why?  I thought to myself.  Why do I want my professor, and why does he have to affect every aspect of my life like this?  Why can't I just like the guy that's available?  I closed my eyes and remembered Kane's lusty reaction to my brazen gaze as Iain's lips toyed with my ear.  I was scandalized by my own actions, in retrospect, but not sorry.  Not sorry because when I had left, the conduit between us had been palpable with longing.  I wasn't sorry, but rather I was unsatisfied.  Our connection had been interrupted so abruptly.  It can't end like that, I thought to myself, then.  Something else has to happen.  

Suddenly I heard the door to the hallway outside open and close, and my whole body was on edge.  My body froze, to an even greater degree than it had been moments before when I was entranced by my own musings.  Someone began to walk down the hallway.  There was a certain familiarity to those long strides.  Dr. MacAllister, I thought to myself.  He was back.  I got up from the couch, the first time my body had felt alive since I'd returned home from the pub, and I tiptoed quickly over to the door to my apartment.  I'm sure I looked exactly like a middle school girl when I placed my ear against its wooden surface, and braced my hands on both sides of my face, listening to him walk.  Was it my imagination that I heard his footsteps slow outside my door.  My heart jumped up into my throat, until he had passed.  I heard him unlock his door then, and go inside.  Then it was silent.  And I stayed pressed against the door, eyes closed, indecisive.

If I don't try to finish what we started tonight, I thought to myself, I will not be able to sleep for a week.  I pressed myself upright, and turned towards the center of the room, searching frantically for an excuse to have "stopped by".  Maybe I wouldn't need an excuse.  Maybe when I knocked on his door, and he answered, he would bring me inside immediately, wanting the same thing as me.  But if I was wrong, and if he didn't want the same thing, it would be extremely embarrassing.  My dad's voice sounded in my mind at the most interesting of times.  And now, I could hear him telling me the old adage, you always miss 100% of the shots you don't take.  I sighed.  He was right.  But was that old adage appropriate when applied to whether or not a student should go after her professor?  I wanted to justify it, badly.  I knew it was a debatable situation.  It was frustrating that everything about Professor Kane and I made sense and yet we had to hide our attraction just to appease man's set policies about what was right and what was wrong.  He was my professor, and thus we dared not stray past eye flirtation.  I was beginning to feel very bellicose towards these policies.  Didn't they consider the anomalies, or was everyone just supposed to follow Big Brother, losing their individuality along the way?  Was that noble?  Was that admirable?  

I exhaled like a fire-breathing dragon, suddenly agrily frustrated.  No.  True nobility resided in the heart that relied upon his own truths, and his own opinions unadulterated by man's counterfeit standards.  I had been exposed to Dr. MacAllister's heart, and though it was jaded, it abided still, true in its solitude, like an eroded rock that stood resolutely against crashing waves of ridicule and ultimate misunderstanding.  We both had this desire to be free of the norm, and to fly uninhibited against the wind.  The means of expression between us, then, was truth.  It was simply deeper than common standards traveled.  

Justification achieved.

My next exhalation was one of conviction, and a confidence that this chance would go unmissed steadied my intentions.  I searched the room for some sort of alibi, though I hoped I wouldn't need to fall back on it.  My eyes settled on my research book.  Ah, that was it, I'd come to his apartment with research questions.   I grabbed the book, a highlighter, and my keys, and then headed without hesitation to the door.  Normally, I did not do such bold things.  Normally, I was the self-controlled girl, and while I strived to be a nonconformist, to live outside the box, I still only lived slightly outside of it.  Now, I was going far beyond the brown cardboard barriers.  I was preparing to free fall amidst a thundercloud, and miraculously, I did not fear.  I was becomming Iain Ross's protege.  At that moment, ironically, I realized that it was not Iain, in all his young audacity, that could embolden my spirit, but rather Kane.  And I was moving on that impulse.  I opened my door, refusing to let myself even think of turning back, and I walked purposefully down the hallway.  I knocked four times on his door, and then waited, ears pounding my heart beats.  

Too late to turn back now, my mind taunted my tenuous spirit. 

***