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irwinwe

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"Nothing going on between ye, eh?  Isna tha' wha' ye've been telling me?  Tha' is wha' ye've been implying.  But after tha' look ye gave him I amna so convinced, Ellen."  Iain interrogated and chastised me in an angry, biting whisper.  "And the look he gave you was the look of a man who has previously thoroughly enjoyed being intimate with the woman on which his eyes are fixed.  Please doona tell me ye've been dallying with him, or worse, sleeping with him."

"No!" I nearly yelled, feeling affronted and working myself into a fine rage, "that is none of your business, Iain, but since you have jumped so...erroneously to conclusions I'll just go ahead and tell you.  Nothing is going on.  Not between my and Kane and not between me and anyone.  I...I can't be with Kane because he's my teacher, and that should be obvious.  And as far as we are concerned...Iain we are only on a date.  You have no claim on me, and nor does anyone."  That was a partial lie, I thought, as I knew good and well that Kane MacAllister had set himself as a seal upon my entire persona.  I continued, nonetheless, with white lies and neutralizations, trying to control my combustible temper, as many people around us had begun to strain their necks to try and eavesdrop.  

I moved closer to him and touched his arm, smiling as sweetly as I could, and adopting a facade that would best boost his ego...that of a flirt.  

"I like you Iain" I began, knowing that I was having to dig very deeply for this admission, "and you have been a very...riveting...date so far, evident especially by your prowess of breaking through windows to allow us free access to the posh bounty that awaits us" I motioned with my unlatching hand to the party room full of free drinks and lively conversation, and paused to smile up at him a little in hopes that I would reduce his scowl, "but you are making it all too big of a deal, Iain.  Yes, Kane has always had a strange affect on me, but that doesn't mean anything's going on between us.  Can't you just relax?  It's Christmas!"  Then I added, just to mock what he'd told me earlier, because I couldn't help myself, "Just let it go."

The sharpness of his jaw-line lessened slightly and was replaced momentarily by an expression of bemused merriment, and I was certain for an instant that he had seen right through my partially counterfeit speech and was very entertained by my ability to act so convincingly.  But then he averted his eyes, exhaled, and shook his head, either being genuine or playing along, I couldn't tell.  

"I'm sorry" he said, and huffed, laughing at himself, "I am just a wee bit possessive, tha' is all.  Especially with women I like."  He looked at me then, determination renewed. 

I raised my brows at him and dropped my hand from his arm.  "You use plural?"  I asked him, becoming needlessly peeved again, and eager to bring him out on his reputation of being a libertine.  "How many women do you like, Iain Ross?  Are there as many as I have suspected?  You do always seem to have women chasing after you."  

My trust in him was riding a pendulum above a black pit.

His eyes became chastising and desperate, if such expressions can be combined.  "I can promise ye, there is only you."  He looked convincing and genuine until, by perfectly timely coincidence, three women dressed in either scandalously low-cut or extremely short cocktail dresses surrounded him, too closely to leave any inclination but that they had once been intimate with them.  He smiled and greeted them politely.  Then he looked up at me and huffed with laughter I imagined was somewhere between guilt and disgust as he saw my lips and brow quirk in irony, but he still didn't turn them away.  

"Ellen, wait" he protested, trying to keep me from turning and walking from him, but all I could picture was how he had smiled at them, and said hello to each of them by name.  He knows their names, I thought guardedly, and they know his.  I knew I couldn't trust him.  

I walked to the cocktail bar, where Vic was still waiting for me.  I wasn't that upset, and I was able to smile and carry on a conversation with Vic as if nothing had happened.  I had suspected Iain was a womanizer, that I was just another conquest he had in mind, so I had been wary of him and hadn't allowed myself to trust him.  For that I was happy.  Plus, he had acted genuinely with me, however, earlier in the room with the window.  That meant that I had something over those other women.  But what did it matter, anyway?  

"Care for a bit of company?" came a deep, immediately recognizable, voice from behind me.  I whirled around and Kane was there, the same dark, deep, longing stare in his eyes as he looked down upon my face.

I smiled, despite that the impact of his arrival had seemingly knocked the air from my lungs and I was a little breathless.  "Yes" I said, "actually that would be nice."  I realized then just how much I had lied to Iain, and how ridiculous it was that I was trying to date him and deny my attraction to Kane.  As long as Kane was around, it was going to be impossible.  Iain wasn't blind, and it wouldn't be long before he realized that something really was going on between me and Kane.  He would hate me, thinking that i had intentionally used him to get to another man.  In the past I had looked down on women who had down that, but now I realized what a touchy situation it could be.  I had lied to Iain when I said nothing was going on between me and Kane.  Even though we were not public, there was an obvious attraction between us.  Yes, I needed to tell Iain the truth.  

But not tonight.

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