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imforbidden

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It's morning and i still ache. last night was strange, and confusing. I don't know what to think. I loved that alex was with me, i love that i got to lay with him, i loved taking care of him.

it's cuz you like him..DUH! Well i know that...i just wish he knew..Well thats why you tell him DUH. I don't know how he will react...and stop saying duh!

i woke up this morning to find that he was gone. And i feel miserable and lonely know that he's gone. He didn't leave a note, he just sneaked out in the middle of the night.

i walk in to my en suite to get ready for school, and i find alex in the shower! i gasp as i watch the water run down his pale back, his body tensing as the water changes temperature.

omg omg omg omg! what should i do?! well now's you're perfect time to see if he likes you, NOT HELPING!!! well just sorta stand there until he notices, again NOT HELPING!

Alex turns around and notices me, i feel myself blushing and i turn around. i hear the shower turn off and i feel him step out of the shower and walking closer to me, i'm too afraid to turn around.

"Umm..i'm sorry. i figured i'd take a quick shower before you would wake up." i turn round and see he has a towel wrapped around his waste,

"No i'm sorry, i should have walked out and not stood there like...umm" he laughs,

"Don't worry bout that...besides...i'm not complaining" he grins, and i smile back at him. He pulls his hair behins his ears and i notice something... his arms are covered in scars...even his chest is covered in scars. I stare at them, feeling a hunger inside me, calling to me, beckoning me to feel his pain...

Alex turns around, obviously feeling ashamed. I turn him back to face me, i bring my hand up to his chest and trace along his scars with my finger, it feels rough but smooth, soft after years of healing. I notice a fresh one near his right shoulder, barley a few days old. I feel my heart collapse at the pain he causes himself to bare.

He brings his hand up to mine and lowers it.

"i'm sorry...but..i feel...awkward...do you mind if i can cover them..?"

"Yes..i understand.." i take one final glance and walk back in to my room. i hear the door close and i feel myself panic. The urge is too overwhelming, i run downstairs and find the sharpest thing possible.